Take the thing.
Turn it round.
This way.
Then that.
Clear your mind.
See it.
Notice.
Breathe.
Allow it to transform before your eyes.
Into Something.
Something else.
Something new.
Something magical.
That changes everything
For the good.
Think Small. Do Big.
November 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
You can make a difference.
You can.
And I know you want to.
But so many of us hold back because we associate making a difference with some big, grand gesture, like bringing peace to the Middle East, finding the cure for cancer or winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and overlook the fact that we can do good right here. Right now.
You could purchase a gift certificate for a local restaurant and give that as a gift to a neighbor. You are helping a small business stay afloat, and giving your neighbor an evening to remember.
You could volunteer at your local community kitchen or food bank, and bring some non-perishables along to donate. Do it often enough and you’ll form new relationships and new insights about others, and yourself.
Take your neighbor kid under your wing. You know, that kid you’ve known since he was a toddler who just graduated from college? You know he’s struggling to find his first job. Be his mentor, and help him get his start in the world.
Offer to set up a Christmas tree for the elderly widow down the block, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas yourself.
Hold the door open for the pregnant woman pushing the twin stroller through the door at Starbucks.
Allow the guy with the left turn signal flashing to merge in front of you.
Make dinner for your family.
Look people in the eye and listen as they talk. Really listen. And keep your phone in your pocket.
Be the kind of person you’d like to be friends with.
Go out of your way to be of help and assistance.
Right now, you’re saying, “Platitudes! Doesn’t she know what my work is like? I don’t have time to do any of this!”
The 10 seconds it takes to hold the door open for that woman at Starbucks – no skin off your back, huh? You can do that little thing, can’t you?
And by doing so, what do you usher into the world?
For that woman, the awareness that she is not alone fending for herself and her children.
For you, the realization that you have the capacity to help others.
And suddenly the world is not so big and unconnected.
And the world is not populated with enemies.
But by friends.
And your blood pressure lowers to a manageable level.
And you have a smile on your face.
And you have created good by doing one small thing.
At this time of year, there’s a lot of scrambling and purchasing and expectations and unmet expectations and your stress level can be through the roof.
But not if you focus on the little ways you can make a difference in other people’s lives every day.
Put a quarter in someone’s meter.
Buy a Christmas tree from the varsity baseball team so they can travel to the state tournament next spring.
Arrange for Karate lessons for you and your kid.
Hug your wife for no particular reason other than to connect in that moment.
Tell him you love him.
Tell her you admire her.
Think really small.
Do really big.
[photo courtesy: Grace Woodward]
$62,000
November 20, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Let’s just say you have a story going on in your head. A story something like, “I am terrible with money.” Or, maybe, “Money scares the bejeezus out of me.”
Maybe you inherited some fears about money from your mother, your father, your auntie, your granddad who struggled with money. Or didn’t talk about money. Or argued about money.
Thanks to them, and to your own experiences, you developed a story about what money is, and what money does, and who you are because of money.
Let’s say you ferociously hold on to that story – for years and years – because somehow, some way, it reinforces a much larger story:
“I’m not good enough.”
This is the story my client Elle* has been struggling with. She has her own business, and a mortgage, and a sheer terror about making financial mistakes. Because, of course, mistakes mean you’re not perfect and if you’re not perfect, you’re:
Not good enough.
Recently, as a opportunity for my Club members, Elle had a chance to do The Unstuck Process and money proved to be her biggest sticking place.
But “money” is a pretty huge category, so we took it down to the smallest, itty-bitty-est thing about her money that was a problem. Know what it was?
Ten months of unopened mail.
Ten months of envelopes that promised peril. A mountain of mail that told Elle where she had screwed up. Another place she was:
Not good enough.
To get unstuck, to prove her story wrong once and for all, Elle had to tackle that pile of pain.
We discussed the why, and the how, and the threat to her future if she didn’t do anything – that’s a vital part of The Unstuck Process. I asked her to envision her money stuck-ness continuing for two more years - “OMG,” she blurted. Which was precisely the motivation she needed to get going. Elle left the call focused and determined. I was happy, and hopeful for her.
With Elle’s permission, the recording of our coaching session was distributed to all the Club members. And it resonated with them. Resonated so much, that one member wrote a blog post about her own struggles with mail, and money. Of course, I forwarded the post to Elle, to buck her up.
Bucked up she was, indeed. She wrote me:
“So last night I started to sort through 10 months of unopened mail. 10 months. I needed to stop every 10 minutes or so and go back and read Susan’s* blog post, just to lessen my anxiety and regain the courage to keep going. But I did keep going. I got it all sorted into 3 big piles: Business; Personal; Trash. I didn’t pressure myself to open any envelopes. Last night’s step was just to get the stuff sorted.”
Great approach. Gentle, positive baby steps.
“This morning I went through the Business pile and opened several envelopes. There were two overdue bills, which I have now paid, and included a little note in each telling the recipient how much I appreciated their patience. I also opened envelopes from clients – that contained $62,000 in checks. $62,000. I just finished filling out the deposit slip. My head is still reeling. I am sure that there are some ugly surprises in there as well… but I’ve made a start. And I am going to continue moving forward, one envelope at a time. Whatever is in there can (and will) be dealt with… but I know that I wouldn’t have started had it not been for your support. I have finally reached a point where I realize that I don’t need to explain myself for the mistakes I’ve made. I just need to make them right.”
Sixty-two thousand dollars.
Sixty-two thousand dollars.
Holy moly.
Sitting right there, in shopping bags stashed in the closet. For ten months.
What a discovery – her fears about money had even prevented her from receiving money.
Her actions had created exactly the situation she feared. Funny how that works.
But she’s done with all that now:
“So I wanted to say thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me how to gently and lovingly move forward. Thank you for showing me that there are alternatives to ripping myself to shreds over what I’ve done (or haven’t done, as the case may be). Thank you for helping me to see that I’m not some kind of financial leper that will never be ‘cured.’ Thank you for shining a light on my wiser self… and reminding me that she’s there and accessible 24/7. Thank you for believing I can do it.”
Sometimes people are skeptical about coaching. “What’s the return on investment?” they ask. Well, in Elle’s case, it’s pretty simple. She invested $594 in nine months of Club coaching, and returned a whopping $62,000 in found money. And the prospect of a happy, healthy relationship with money going forward.
I am just saying.
[Just saying, I am so very proud of her.]
*Client names are always
changed for privacy purposes
What If vs. What If
November 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment
The absolutely best, most creative question ever asked is: “What if?”
This little question has generated countless books, movies and plays. What if a Danish prince discovers that his mother’s new husband is his father’s murderer? What if a young girl falls down a rabbit hole and finds another world? What if boy meets girl, boy loses girl and then boy finds girl again?
“What if?” has also spawned greatness in other ways. Like peach salsa. Like penicillin. Like new roses. Like Impressionist paintings. Like iPads.
And yet at the very same time “what if?” is our biggest stumbling block to success.
“What if I make a mistake?”
“What if I don’t like it?”
“What if it’s not really possible?”
“What if I’m wrong?”
The stewing and fretting so many of us devote to the potentiality of every single possible “what if?” scenario keeps us completely stuck.
“What if?” we ask. “What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if?”
Exhausting.
Yet the irony is, like the proverbial two-edged sword, it’s only by asking “what if?” that we can be free to move forward.
What if you don’t like it? Well, what if you do? You will never know until you try, so why not just try?
What if you fail? Well, have you failed before? Bet you have. I sure have – recently. And, look: you and I are still above ground and breathing, so that means we are probably stronger and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. Failure proves it.
What if it’s not really possible? Or if you’re wrong? Well, then, at least you have collected data which shows you what’s not going to work. Which only makes it more possible for you to figure out what will work.
Pollyanna-ish? Unrealistic? Are you thinking that perhaps I don’t understand the stakes involved? How pressured your situation is? How overwhelmed you are?
Oh, I understand quite well. Believe me.
I hear it every day. And lived it myself.
But there’s one thing I know. You can make it easier on yourself by simply choosing to use the creative “what if?” rather than the limiting “what if?”
That’s all. Once choice. One little choice to come at your overwhelm and pressure and deadlines and stuff from a slightly different angle.
And create something wonderful.
Small Change.
November 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment
I know what you want.
You want to contribute in a positive way.
You want what you do to really matter.
You want the flexibility to make your own decisions.
You want to work with people who are fun, smart, kind and fair.
You want to make a good living.
You want to be enthusiastic about your day.
You want to be creative, in your own way.
You want to be able to shut off work enough that you can deeply connect with those you love.
(Or find more people to love.)
You want to make a difference.
And, know what? I know you can do it.
There’s just a little assignment for you first:
I believe, deep in your core, you know what needs to move out of the way so you can get what you want.
I know you know what I’m talking about. It just popped into your mind, didn’t it? Might feel scary. Might feel big. Might feel like you have to move to a new place, or to a new job, or a new relationship just to get what you want.
And the prospect of the big, life-shifting change is exactly what’s kept you stuck.
What if I told you that rather than huge, shattering change, you might only have to make the smallest change? Just one small change to make a big impact?
Like:
Negative self-talk shifts to positive self talk which yields a better perspective on what’s possible.
Allowing other people’s problems to remain their problems conserves your energy.
Clearly stating your goals and objectives creates an opening to serve them.
You can do that, can’t you?
Because penny by penny and dime by dime, over time small change – added every day to a big jar – turns into a large sum of cash.
And that’s how you get what you want.
Recent Comments