Take the thing.
Turn it round.
This way.
Then that.
Clear your mind.
See it.
Notice.
Breathe.
Allow it to transform before your eyes.
Into Something.
Something else.
Something new.
Something magical.
That changes everything
For the good.
Think Small. Do Big.
November 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
You can make a difference.
You can.
And I know you want to.
But so many of us hold back because we associate making a difference with some big, grand gesture, like bringing peace to the Middle East, finding the cure for cancer or winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and overlook the fact that we can do good right here. Right now.
You could purchase a gift certificate for a local restaurant and give that as a gift to a neighbor. You are helping a small business stay afloat, and giving your neighbor an evening to remember.
You could volunteer at your local community kitchen or food bank, and bring some non-perishables along to donate. Do it often enough and you’ll form new relationships and new insights about others, and yourself.
Take your neighbor kid under your wing. You know, that kid you’ve known since he was a toddler who just graduated from college? You know he’s struggling to find his first job. Be his mentor, and help him get his start in the world.
Offer to set up a Christmas tree for the elderly widow down the block, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas yourself.
Hold the door open for the pregnant woman pushing the twin stroller through the door at Starbucks.
Allow the guy with the left turn signal flashing to merge in front of you.
Make dinner for your family.
Look people in the eye and listen as they talk. Really listen. And keep your phone in your pocket.
Be the kind of person you’d like to be friends with.
Go out of your way to be of help and assistance.
Right now, you’re saying, “Platitudes! Doesn’t she know what my work is like? I don’t have time to do any of this!”
The 10 seconds it takes to hold the door open for that woman at Starbucks – no skin off your back, huh? You can do that little thing, can’t you?
And by doing so, what do you usher into the world?
For that woman, the awareness that she is not alone fending for herself and her children.
For you, the realization that you have the capacity to help others.
And suddenly the world is not so big and unconnected.
And the world is not populated with enemies.
But by friends.
And your blood pressure lowers to a manageable level.
And you have a smile on your face.
And you have created good by doing one small thing.
At this time of year, there’s a lot of scrambling and purchasing and expectations and unmet expectations and your stress level can be through the roof.
But not if you focus on the little ways you can make a difference in other people’s lives every day.
Put a quarter in someone’s meter.
Buy a Christmas tree from the varsity baseball team so they can travel to the state tournament next spring.
Arrange for Karate lessons for you and your kid.
Hug your wife for no particular reason other than to connect in that moment.
Tell him you love him.
Tell her you admire her.
Think really small.
Do really big.
[photo courtesy: Grace Woodward]
$62,000
November 20, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Let’s just say you have a story going on in your head. A story something like, “I am terrible with money.” Or, maybe, “Money scares the bejeezus out of me.”
Maybe you inherited some fears about money from your mother, your father, your auntie, your granddad who struggled with money. Or didn’t talk about money. Or argued about money.
Thanks to them, and to your own experiences, you developed a story about what money is, and what money does, and who you are because of money.
Let’s say you ferociously hold on to that story – for years and years – because somehow, some way, it reinforces a much larger story:
“I’m not good enough.”
This is the story my client Elle* has been struggling with. She has her own business, and a mortgage, and a sheer terror about making financial mistakes. Because, of course, mistakes mean you’re not perfect and if you’re not perfect, you’re:
Not good enough.
Recently, as a opportunity for my Club members, Elle had a chance to do The Unstuck Process and money proved to be her biggest sticking place.
But “money” is a pretty huge category, so we took it down to the smallest, itty-bitty-est thing about her money that was a problem. Know what it was?
Ten months of unopened mail.
Ten months of envelopes that promised peril. A mountain of mail that told Elle where she had screwed up. Another place she was:
Not good enough.
To get unstuck, to prove her story wrong once and for all, Elle had to tackle that pile of pain.
We discussed the why, and the how, and the threat to her future if she didn’t do anything – that’s a vital part of The Unstuck Process. I asked her to envision her money stuck-ness continuing for two more years - “OMG,” she blurted. Which was precisely the motivation she needed to get going. Elle left the call focused and determined. I was happy, and hopeful for her.
With Elle’s permission, the recording of our coaching session was distributed to all the Club members. And it resonated with them. Resonated so much, that one member wrote a blog post about her own struggles with mail, and money. Of course, I forwarded the post to Elle, to buck her up.
Bucked up she was, indeed. She wrote me:
“So last night I started to sort through 10 months of unopened mail. 10 months. I needed to stop every 10 minutes or so and go back and read Susan’s* blog post, just to lessen my anxiety and regain the courage to keep going. But I did keep going. I got it all sorted into 3 big piles: Business; Personal; Trash. I didn’t pressure myself to open any envelopes. Last night’s step was just to get the stuff sorted.”
Great approach. Gentle, positive baby steps.
“This morning I went through the Business pile and opened several envelopes. There were two overdue bills, which I have now paid, and included a little note in each telling the recipient how much I appreciated their patience. I also opened envelopes from clients – that contained $62,000 in checks. $62,000. I just finished filling out the deposit slip. My head is still reeling. I am sure that there are some ugly surprises in there as well… but I’ve made a start. And I am going to continue moving forward, one envelope at a time. Whatever is in there can (and will) be dealt with… but I know that I wouldn’t have started had it not been for your support. I have finally reached a point where I realize that I don’t need to explain myself for the mistakes I’ve made. I just need to make them right.”
Sixty-two thousand dollars.
Sixty-two thousand dollars.
Holy moly.
Sitting right there, in shopping bags stashed in the closet. For ten months.
What a discovery – her fears about money had even prevented her from receiving money.
Her actions had created exactly the situation she feared. Funny how that works.
But she’s done with all that now:
“So I wanted to say thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me how to gently and lovingly move forward. Thank you for showing me that there are alternatives to ripping myself to shreds over what I’ve done (or haven’t done, as the case may be). Thank you for helping me to see that I’m not some kind of financial leper that will never be ‘cured.’ Thank you for shining a light on my wiser self… and reminding me that she’s there and accessible 24/7. Thank you for believing I can do it.”
Sometimes people are skeptical about coaching. “What’s the return on investment?” they ask. Well, in Elle’s case, it’s pretty simple. She invested $594 in nine months of Club coaching, and returned a whopping $62,000 in found money. And the prospect of a happy, healthy relationship with money going forward.
I am just saying.
[Just saying, I am so very proud of her.]
*Client names are always
changed for privacy purposes
What If vs. What If
November 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment
The absolutely best, most creative question ever asked is: “What if?”
This little question has generated countless books, movies and plays. What if a Danish prince discovers that his mother’s new husband is his father’s murderer? What if a young girl falls down a rabbit hole and finds another world? What if boy meets girl, boy loses girl and then boy finds girl again?
“What if?” has also spawned greatness in other ways. Like peach salsa. Like penicillin. Like new roses. Like Impressionist paintings. Like iPads.
And yet at the very same time “what if?” is our biggest stumbling block to success.
“What if I make a mistake?”
“What if I don’t like it?”
“What if it’s not really possible?”
“What if I’m wrong?”
The stewing and fretting so many of us devote to the potentiality of every single possible “what if?” scenario keeps us completely stuck.
“What if?” we ask. “What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if?”
Exhausting.
Yet the irony is, like the proverbial two-edged sword, it’s only by asking “what if?” that we can be free to move forward.
What if you don’t like it? Well, what if you do? You will never know until you try, so why not just try?
What if you fail? Well, have you failed before? Bet you have. I sure have – recently. And, look: you and I are still above ground and breathing, so that means we are probably stronger and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. Failure proves it.
What if it’s not really possible? Or if you’re wrong? Well, then, at least you have collected data which shows you what’s not going to work. Which only makes it more possible for you to figure out what will work.
Pollyanna-ish? Unrealistic? Are you thinking that perhaps I don’t understand the stakes involved? How pressured your situation is? How overwhelmed you are?
Oh, I understand quite well. Believe me.
I hear it every day. And lived it myself.
But there’s one thing I know. You can make it easier on yourself by simply choosing to use the creative “what if?” rather than the limiting “what if?”
That’s all. Once choice. One little choice to come at your overwhelm and pressure and deadlines and stuff from a slightly different angle.
And create something wonderful.
Small Change.
November 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment
I know what you want.
You want to contribute in a positive way.
You want what you do to really matter.
You want the flexibility to make your own decisions.
You want to work with people who are fun, smart, kind and fair.
You want to make a good living.
You want to be enthusiastic about your day.
You want to be creative, in your own way.
You want to be able to shut off work enough that you can deeply connect with those you love.
(Or find more people to love.)
You want to make a difference.
And, know what? I know you can do it.
There’s just a little assignment for you first:
I believe, deep in your core, you know what needs to move out of the way so you can get what you want.
I know you know what I’m talking about. It just popped into your mind, didn’t it? Might feel scary. Might feel big. Might feel like you have to move to a new place, or to a new job, or a new relationship just to get what you want.
And the prospect of the big, life-shifting change is exactly what’s kept you stuck.
What if I told you that rather than huge, shattering change, you might only have to make the smallest change? Just one small change to make a big impact?
Like:
Negative self-talk shifts to positive self talk which yields a better perspective on what’s possible.
Allowing other people’s problems to remain their problems conserves your energy.
Clearly stating your goals and objectives creates an opening to serve them.
You can do that, can’t you?
Because penny by penny and dime by dime, over time small change – added every day to a big jar – turns into a large sum of cash.
And that’s how you get what you want.
The Unstuck Process
October 30, 2011 By 1 Comment
I’d say there’s a process.
Maybe the first step is realizing something’s not working.
Some folks stop right there, thinking that they don’t have enough power, energy and oomph to change things.
These are my people.
The second step is entertaining ideas that just might solve the problem.
And folks stop here, too, mostly thinking of ways to eliminate options rather than grow them.
These are my people.
The third step is implementing the idea or ideas that have a chance of working.
Believe me – folks stop here. Dead stop. Terrified.
Because sometimes it’s a slog and it’s hard and the odds of success look like 125,000,000 to 1, and why not stop already?
I love these people.
And then there’s the fourth step.
Boy, this step is great.
It’s where people look up in wide-eyed wonder and say, “Wow. It worked.”
That’s the kind of people you can be.
I have a new process to help people get through the first three steps. The fourth step? Kinda takes care of itself.
From everything I’ve learned over the years, plus some new research and ideas, I’ve developed 20 powerful questions which take 30 minutes to answer.
Yes, it’s an extremely efficient process.
And you end up identifying one thing – one – that is keeping you stuck. One thing you can do just a little bit differently, and unlock your time and energy so you can move on to the place you want to be.
Will it work?
Well, what if I told you that if you keep going the way you’re going now, that in two years all you’d have to show for your effort is more of the same?
More stuck.
More misery.
More pain.
More bleah.
If that sounds fantastic to you, then this process is not for you.
But, if the prospect of two more years of what you’ve got right now makes you feel nauseous, then let me give you hope.
I’ve tested this process on myself and on several clients. One said, “I felt refreshed and uplifted. It’s like this tool shifted my perception to a different part of my brain.” Another said, “And up until our call yesterday, and that beautiful question about what would it be like if you were in the same place two years from now… I don’t know that I would have been able to put the puzzle pieces together. I don’t know that I would have been able to consider other possibilities other than the brick wall that I seem to keep running into when I think about the topic.”
Another? “I also liked some of your questions about what we want to future to look like, in positive words, how would we feel if three years from now we were still in this same position; and what has to change/what is in the way of making this happen? Michele, thank you so much for helping me move forward with my business. I can’t tell you enough how you have helped me break through barriers and given me hope for a better future.”
So, step one – let’s take it on. You up for it?
You know, I rarely try to sell you anything. But this process? It’s something else. And I think you will really benefit. Or I wouldn’t offer it to you.
I’m doing a special offer for November – give me 30 minutes and get unstuck.
Go here to schedule your phone appointment: Calendar.
And pay $100 by clicking on this link: PayPal.
Because you? You’re my kind of people. And all I want for you is to be saying, “Wow. Wow. Wow.”
I Am A Loser
October 23, 2011 By 8 Comments
There are three ways to tell this story:
1. Although after winning a commanding 43% in the final round of The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest, they chose someone younger with consistently fewer votes.
2. I don’t care that I didn’t win The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest because I really don’t have time for it anyway.
3. I gave The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest my best shot – I wrote like Monet painted – but the judges preferred Van Gogh. And that is OK.
See, there are always many ways to tell a story. And I told all of those versions of my story in the first 24 hours after I found out that, despite having the vast majority of the final vote, I didn’t win.
It was hard.
It really hurt.
Because I had put myself out there, and told all of you that I really wanted the job.
And I worked hard.
And I put other things aside to focus on the contest.
And I fell short.
Then I got a grip, and thought of all the clients over the years who have been final candidates in some executive search and haven’t been offered the position. What do I advise them?
Honor the full sweep of your emotions. Because there are no “wrong” emotions. There are just emotions.
So, heeding my own advice, I was – by turns – angry, sad, self-chastising, denying, accepting.
No pretending. Just whatever it was, as it was.
And, after all of that emotion, I settled into this thought: Close, baby, but no cigar.
But the damn cigar is completely within reach.
The cigar that’s coming next for me may just be a different brand, and aroma, and size than I expected. And I will welcome it.
You all know that I believe we each have 100 units of energy to spend each day. Yesterday’s are gone, and tomorrow’s belong to tomorrow – so how I spend my 100 today is vital. And totally up to me.
I know that in order to achieve anything, I must use my energy to support my greatest priorities:
Being a good enough parent.
Doing work that makes a difference, and that I am proud of.
Caring for my emotional, spiritual, physical and financial health.
Truth is, I would have loved writing for The Washington Post. But not writing for The Washington Post offers me the opportunity to put more energy units on my true, real priorities.
Plus, there are gifts for me in not getting what I wanted.
(Which is something I often suggest clients look at – and after they throw something at me, they usually find the gifts inherent in any difficult situation.)
For me, the gifts were multiple:
I tested my writing skills and found them strong, coherent, and well-received.
I connected with people who love my work.
I found new people who love my work.
I felt tremendous gratitude for an ocean of support from people all around the world.
So, I am a loser. No doubt about that.
How do I know? Because I did not win.
But, I am a happy loser who feels like she got the best possible part of the whole deal.
See, in losing I found more of myself.
And that’s a win, sugar. A big, honking, bona fide win.
Inventing Your Career
October 16, 2011 By 1 Comment
It started with the phone book.
My father was visiting this week and asked, “Do you have a phone book?”
A phone book? No, I don’t have a phone book. No white pages, no yellow pages. Not one phone book in the house, I realized.
We both laughed when, with sudden awareness, I blurted, “No. No, I don’t.”
And that’s the difference, isn’t it? My father’s generation relies on the familiarity of the phone book – you pick a real thing up, you find what you want, you put it down and if it’s not in there, well, it probably doesn’t exist. While my children’s generation relies on Google – which gives them nearly unlimited access to information and ideas from sources all around the world.
The phone book metaphor explains how differently people are managing careers today.
During this same visit, my 18-year old son was sharing the details of his job with his grandfather. “Basically,” he said, “I figured out what I wanted to do, and then got someone to pay me to do it.” With a smile, he added, “I invented my career, because it didn’t exist before.”
My son is the community manager for a large online community. How large? +900,000 unique members. He has 20 people around the world who report to him, and he’s never met one of them in person. (Ask him someday about who he hires, and why he fires – fascinating.) He also built the computer servers which support the community. And how did he get the job? He went to the founders of the community and said, “I can grow your fan base.” And they said, “Go ahead, kid.”
And he did. And they pay him for it.
Google way: Create a job out of thin air by recognizing a need and offering to fill it.
Phone book way: Expect the organization to recognize the need, craft a job description, post the job, read hundreds of resumes, interview a dozen candidates, craft an offer, negotiate the deal and fill the job.
Which is more agile?
We are at a real pivot point, friends, when it comes to employment.
What I’m seeing, after working with hundreds of people this year, is a shifting away from the idea of one job, one employer, one career, toward a variety of simultaneous efforts that leverage strengths and interests.
It’s the school teacher who works half-time teaching a specialty class like Latin, coaches an elite, competitive youth sports team, and contentedly throws pottery which she sells at a gallery downtown.
It’s the nurse who also leads a boot camp program and happily works as a personal trainer.
It’s the consultant, working on her own, who has five great clients and generates more income than she ever made on salary.
It’s me. I mean, 25 years ago could you imagine anyone having the job I have?
It’s the kid who creates his own job by making a powerful offer to solve the problem he’s observed.
Of course, if you are totally phone book oriented, this intangible Google-esque approach might make you feel rather queasy. I mean, isn’t it kind of weird to not have a job-job? Where’s the belongingness? The team? Where’s the stability?
I guess you could ask the same thing of the 30,000 folks Bank of America has announced it intends to lay off.
We’re at a pivot point when many of us – even those who are currently working for one employer – will, in the not too distant future, have to redefine what it means to work.
And it’s going to feel weird, and awkward.
Like when you realize you no longer limited to what’s in the phone book, but have all the resources of Google at your fingertips.
I’m going to tell you one thing. I know for certain that when you invent your own career, you consciously choose to leverage your own talents, your own skills, your own preferences – rather than contorting yourself to fit into a narrow job description of someone else’s design.
When you invent your own career, you offer your best self to solve the problems of people – whoever they may be and however many of them you happen to choose to serve, anywhere in the world.
That, my friend, is you as Google.
Risk. (Allow) Reward.
October 9, 2011 By 1 Comment
Not Ed But A Guy Named Ed
I bumped into my friend Ed, who told me he’d gotten a new job.
“Rock on with your bad self!”I exclaimed (or something close to that). Ed went on to tell me that there had been 70 candidates for the position he had won. I asked him how he did it.
“That’s really interesting,” Ed reflected. “I asked that very question of the man who hired me. Know what he said?” I was hanging on Ed’s every word at this point.
“He said that of all the final candidates, I was the only one who said I wanted the job.”
“What?” I was incredulous. “What did you say, exactly?” (because I knew you’d want to know.)
Ed went on, “I said to my prospective boss, ‘This is my dream job, and I’d really love to have it.”
Of all the people interviewing for the job, Ed was the only one who took the risk to reveal what he really felt – to reveal an eensy bit of vulnerability – and that’s what got him the job.
A big, senior level job, I might add.
So many of us would play it a different way.
Maybe we put on the jaded act – been there, done that, slightly bored, seen it before. Yawn.
Some of us expect to be tapped on the shoulder after quietly, self-effacingly, doing great work … tapped on the shoulder and offered the dream job of a lifetime. “Me? You want me?” we rehearse saying, like Miss America who has no idea – no idea! – she’s the judge’s favorite. All faux humility, big smile and practiced walk.
And then there are those who think that since they went to the “right” college and made it into the “right” program, then – by rights – they are entitled to a big, senior level job. I know that’s not you – that’s the guy in the next cube, right?
But none of these types are really taking any risk. They never reveal a little of themselves. A little of what they want. A little vulnerability.
Which, then, keeps them from what they really want. Because they can’t say what they want out loud. It’s too risky.
Recently, I took a risk. I saw a small item in the way back of a special section of The Washington Post. It said, in small type, that they were going to have a contest to find a new career advice columnist. That interested people should enter into the contest the following Wednesday.
I cut it out.
I taped it to my computer monitor.
And looked at it for at least five days.
Until the day I could enter.
I clicked. I read.
I noticed.
The entry form didn’t ask if I wrote a blog. Didn’t ask if anyone read my stuff. Didn’t ask: How Many Twitter Followers and Facebook Friends Do You Have?
Just name, city, age, job.
Then, “answer two of these five reader questions.”
I paused for a moment. Maybe it was two. Or three or seven.
I couldn’t skate this thing because I have a blog that a few people read. My personal brand made no difference.
I was just gonna be me. Doing my best.
So, deep breath, I took the risk, and submitted. And decided to allow whatever was going to happen to just go ahead and happen.
Few weeks later: got an email. “You are a Top 10 Finalist!”
Huh. And, wow!
Took a risk and submitted a piece for the first elimination round. What would happen, would happen.
Waited.
Got an email: “You have made it through to the Second Round!”
Huh. And, wow! Funny how I’m just allowing it all to happen.
[Could have quit at this moment. Really. I mean, it was my choice. But I continued. Because it felt all flowy and good. Totally allowing. And fun.]
[Most importantly, fun.]
And now, I just got another email. I’m into the Third Round.
There are six people left. Two will be eliminated this week.
And I’m gonna be all vulnerable with you, just like my friend Ed – writing for The Washington Post would be my dream job. Since I was 10 years old, I have read The Post nearly every day.
I’m taking a little risk in telling you that. Getting all vulnerable with you… Because anything could happen. But I think it’s OK.
I’ve taken a risk to get what I want. And I am creating the space to allow whatever outcome that comes to come.
Which just may be the perfect stance to receive a reward. Like my friend Ed did.
How about you? Ready to take a risk? And allow the space for a reward?
Doesn’t have to be a huge risk – just has to feel risky to you.
Why not take your risk? And then just allow whatever to happen. I bet you’ll reap a reward.
Then you’ll have to tell me all about it.
Cuz I’m gonna write you up in the paper.
The Washington Post newspaper.
***
To vote in The Washington Post @Work Advice Contest, go to www.washingtonpost.com/workadvice after Noon ET on Wednesday, October 12, 2011. Click on my picture. Then click on the yellow link on the left side – Vote For Your Favorite. Click on my picture again, then click Submit, so your vote will count. And thank you. From the bottom of my heart – thank you.
How To Get A Job – 3 Stories
October 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Three stories. All told last week. Three different people. Three job opportunities.
Only one gets the position.
Read on.
Sophie went into her interview full of confidence. Piece of cake. She was highly qualified, and met the job description perfectly. Her interviewer – an older woman. Another piece of cake. Sophie leaned back, relaxed and prepared to ace the interview.
Then a question came – a tough question – and Sophie wasn’t prepared. She assumed this older lady was going to be an easy touch. Sophie stammered. Sophie couldn’t find the right words. Sophie felt flummoxed.
She went from leaning back to leaning forward. Heart racing. Bombing it.
She did not get the job.
Janice went into her interview a little panicked. Panic that had started two and a half years ago when she lost her job. And immediately went on a large contract that ended up getting pulled. And then tried consulting. But couldn’t generate any work. She feels like the last couple of years have been all about failure after failure. Plus, she has the kids, and then there’s her husband, and they all have their demands on her time. She really thinks they would prefer her to stay home and take care of them all day. And, frankly, a part of her would like that, too.
But women who don’t work – who are they? And is it really reasonable to ask her husband to shoulder all the expenses? Especially in this economy.
So Janice went into the interview conflicted. And the energy she gave off to the interviewer was confusing. Did she want the job, or not? Because Janice asked few questions, and never really talked about her own strengths and capacity. She mostly sat there, looking nervous.
She did not get the job.
Kate didn’t have a job interview this week, but she got a new job.
How?
Kate had explored how she could be happier in her work. She analyzed who she enjoyed working with, and what kind of work energized her. Then, she identified people and organizations she’d like to work with, and developed a pitch about how she could specifically help them – how she could do what’s not getting done, and do it efficiently.
And then at a meeting already scheduled with one of her target companies – a client of hers – she said, “What if I joined your team and took care of this for you?” Eyes lit up. Hands were shaken.
And she had the job.
What do these stories tell you?
They tell me that not only has the economy changed, but so has hiring. No longer are organizations hiring warm bodies because the plan says there are six people in that department and we only have five. Today, organizations hire because they are in pain. Something’s not getting done. Something important, that affects the bottom line. And the maxed out people currently in the department are already doing the work of three people. Each.
So someone gets hired. One someone.
Someone who makes a good case for himself. Someone who has good energy. Someone who is not afraid to take a little risk to get what they want.
This is the way people are getting hired. These are the new rules.
If you are looking for work, check yourself. Are you playing by the old rules, or the new ones?
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