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You Can

September 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

 

You can do it.  I know you can.

Sure, it’s scary.

And you’re not sure it’s going to work.

Can’t even really get started.

What if you’re wrong about the whole idea?

What if you make a mistake?

What if you can’t get a break?

What if you lose everything?

I know your thoughts run in that endless, negative, worried loop.

Indulge me a moment with something that may strike you as deceptively simple: Why not just create a new loop?

What if you simply shifted all your energy toward creating that break you need? You know what I mean – spend your time crafting that small little opening that’s all you really need.

What if you just focused on finding someone who will say yes?

Then find another someone who says yes.

And then one day you’ll look up and realize that it’s flowing.

And it’s everything you thought it would be.

And you’ve done it.

Wow, that’s something right there.  Hold that image in your heart and mind for a minute or two – feels good, huh?

Sure does.

Oh, there are people who will bust your good mood. Who’ll tell you not even to try.  It’s impossible.

What are you thinking? Especially “in this economy”?

Don’t let anyone tell you that in this economy, you can’t.

Because I see people doing it every day.  And if they can do it, so can you.

Regardless of the worries of your mother.  Or your father.  Or your great-aunt Tilly who wonders what all this hubbub about the computer is really all about.  Why can’t folks just work at the factory like they did when the world worked right?

Don’t take on the fears of others, regardless of how much you love them.

You are the best expert on yourself.  Who else has lived in your skin all these years?  Who has your bones?  Your strength? Your resilience?

Who knows your story better than you?

And it’s your story to tell.

Let’s make it a success story, shall we?

You know what you want.  You know what you have to do.

You can do it.  

It’s fine to start small.  But you’ve got to start, my friend.

And today is Day One.

 

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment

Can’t Go Back

September 19, 2011 By 3 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See this picture?  This was a great day.  A day when I was at my best. A day when I was surrounded by friends, doing something important, using all my skills.

And as much as I might like to, I can never go back.

The day was January 20, 1989.  The group picture above, from left to right – Kathleen, Bobby, Ashley, Rick, Mark, me – were the White House staff assigned to execute President and Mrs. Reagan’s departure from Andrews Air Force base, back to California and private life.  Just over my shoulder in this shot, you can see the Presidential aircraft.  The little white pin each of us are wearing?  The White House Staff pin, issued by the Secret Service, which meant we had all-access, everywhere.

It was a great day.  And a day of much change.  That morning, I woke as a member of the White House staff.  I was 28 years old, had no gray hair, and no children.  What I did have were badges, and pins, and credentials that could get me anywhere I wanted to go.  That day, I put my White House-issued radio on my hip, inserted my earpiece in my left ear and went to do my job.

And did it well.

And at precisely 12:01pm that Friday, a new President was sworn in and I was out of a job.

None of my badges, pins or credentials mattered. At 12:01pm I had no office to go to.  No work to do.  No special status.

I was just me.  Really good at my job, and unemployed.

Sometimes things change in a flash, don’t they?

In the subsequent years, I’d look at this picture and long to go back to this day, to these people.  Especially these people.  Because our team was so good at our work, and we never had the chance to do it again. Not in that configuration. Not for that President. Not at the White House. Not at Andrews.

And I want to go back for another reason, too.   Ashley lost her husband suddenly in 1998, and then we lost Kathleen in 1999 to ovarian cancer. Rick’s wife Pam died in 2007. Bobby’s in New York, I mostly see Mark on TV, Rick travels the world, Ashley is out in California.   This moment frozen in time – when we were young, we were healthy, we were so good at what we did – represents a time that was unimaginably precious. I only realized how precious much later.

Loving that time, and loving who I was then is an awareness which points me toward greater understanding of who I am at my best.  That’s the greatest gift of the past.

But now I know, as wonderful as it was:

I cannot go back because it the past only exists in memories.

You can’t go back.  This picture captures just one moment in time, and maybe the past is simply a series of moments in time.  Which by the time you note them, have already elapsed.

With so much turmoil and tumult in the world today, many of us are casting our minds back and saying things like, “I wish I still had that job.”  Or, “I never should have left that job.” Or cataloging a lifetime of “mistakes”.   I must hear it every week.  That job you loved and left?  Let me ask you this: Who’s still there? Has the mission changed? Have you changed? Is it really the same? Could it possibly be the same? Is anything the same about the time and place… and you?

No, because the precise alignment of people and place and time and mission and purpose is fleeting.

It’s like some wonderful experiment where a drop of Bobby plus an ounce of Kathleen and a measure of Ashley and a dollop of Rick and a helping of Mark and me yielded magic.  Pure magic.  True excellence.

Which is the real thing I loved about that time and place and people.

When I seek that – that one true thing – in what I’m doing now, then the magic can truly be replicated.  Anew.  Right now.  Today.

Perhaps you can learn from your longing for the past.  What’s it tell you about what you miss?  Who were you at your best, at that time of your life?  And what does that tell you that you need more of right now?

 

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , 3 Comments

Start Something New

September 4, 2011 By Leave a Comment

 

It’s time.

Today.

Right now.

It’s time to start something new.

If for no other reason than because it’s September.

And since your school days, September has always meant a fresh start.

A new box of pencils and a Big Chief tablet.  A killer pair of jeans and a fierce haircut.  The prospect of anything-could-happen adventures.

Oh, I just love me some September.

And how about you? I know you have that thing you’ve been thinking about.  You’ve been mulling it over all summer.  Ruminating, even. And you’ve been wondering how and when to get started.

Hey, there’s no more perfect time to start something new than September.

[You've known that to be true since you were six, haven't you?]

So let’s get going.

Start by dreaming and visualizing what it’s going to be like when that thing you want is done, finished and in place. Feel that feeling. Claim it. Own it.

Then, break it down.  What needs doing until what you want is completely done?

What’s the first thing? Go ahead – do that little thing.

Then do the second thing you need to do to get it all done.

Do the next thing.  And the thing after that.

Feel what you’re doing as you’re doing it. Claim it. Own it.

And, thing by thing, you will welcome growth, learning and achievement into your life.

You can get that new job.

You can start walking more.

You can have that hard conversation.

You can choose vegetables more often.

You can finally decide.

You can be centered, calm and peaceful.

It’s totally doable.

How do I know?  Simple – it’s doable because it’s September.

The Month of Something New.

 

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , Leave a Comment

That Hard Conversation

August 28, 2011 By 1 Comment

Your voice is your strongest asset. Yet too many of us swallow our words and mute our voices because we don’t feel comfortable – in fact, feel rather icky – with anything smacking even a bit of “confrontational”.

Let’s make it easier, shall we?

The 5 Key Questions:

1. What needs to be said?

2. Why does it need to be said?

3. Who needs to say it?

4. When does it need to be said?

5. What do I hope happens after it’s said?

So, #1, what do you need to say? You’ve been dwelling on it, I know, but work it out or practice with yourself or a piece of paper. Trust me, don’t practice with a colleague or your 12 year old. Remember that old WW2 adage: “Loose lips sink ships” and get absolutely clear all by yourself on what needs saying. Truly, I cannot tell you the number of times clients (and me, too) have confided in a co-worker, or a friend who turned out to be less than trustworthy. Sorry to say, but it happens. With sad and unhappy consequences. So work it out by yourself first. Practice it. Use “I” phrases, as in “I really don’t appreciate the f-bomb, Tony. Can you stop using it around me?” Got it?

OK, with #2 it all comes down to this: you have to know your “why”. How do you feel not saying it? Make your response short and sweet as you’re working through the questions. Because you’ll come back to this in #5.

#3 will give you heartburn. Especially those of you upon whose broad shoulders rest the cares and worries of everyone in the world. You know, you’ve got all those people who come to you with their concerns, troubles and peeves, and de facto ask you to take care of it for them. Yes, you are strong. Yes, you are smart. But sometimes what needs to be said is someone else’s business. If it is? Keep your nose out. Say, “Wow. Sounds tough. What are you going to do about it?” That’ll work.

Remember: Your voice is precious. Use it wisely.

Timing is everything, and #4 reflects that idea. Difficult conversations become less difficult when you have them at the right time. Research shows that the best opportunity to change behavior comes as close to the action as possible. So an immediate correction when someone drops the f-bomb (if that’s the problem), or when a jibe cuts a little too close will give you the best chance to change the situation.

Dealing with a troubling situation in the moment also keeps the anxiety from building like a rolling snowball of ick. Deal with it while it’s still a flake and it will stay small.

However, if it’s a tense situation, then finding a time – soon – when things are calmer to give feedback and use your “I” phrase.

Because feedback is all you’re giving, right?

#5, what do I hope happens? If I hope people will say, “OMG! You are so right! I have been wrong all these years! I finally see the light! You are so wise, strong and kind! Thank you, thank you!” – if that’s what you hope happens (your #3 “why”), you might as well stop. That ain’t feedback.

That’s all about ego – yours – and the ego is a lousy foundation for action.

With #5, the ultimate outcome you hope for is that you have used your voice. That you can stand up for yourself. That you are the best advocate for yourself and you are on the record with what is acceptable to you and what is not. That you are known and seen.

Whether you are asking for a raise, or correcting an employee, or correcting your boss, following these five steps will make “confrontation” a little easier.

Next week? How about we talk about bullies…?

[This post first appeared last week in a private message to members of The Club - my low-cost coaching program. There are a handful of available slots now - if you're looking for great tools, private laser coaching with me, and access to free classes, recordings and other features, won't you join now? More information here.]

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

All The Cool Kids

August 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

All the cool kids do 5am spinning classes.

All the cool kids are into yoga.

All the cool kids are in the river, floating on inner tubes with a six-pack trailing behind.

 

All the cool kids make millions each year working on a laptop at their local Starbucks.

All the cool kids work for non-profits.

All the cool kids hunt.

 

All the cool kids eat quinoa and flax.

All the cool kids eat vindaloo.

All the cool kids eat hot wings.

 

All the cool kids wear Prada.

All the cool kids wear Birkenstocks.

All the cool kids wear Wranglers.

 

All the cool kids have an endless travel budget.

All the cool kids go on silent meditation retreats.

All the cool kids go to the amusement park on the Fourth of July.

 

All the cool kids commune with nature in mountaintop lodges owned by wealthy friends.

All the cool kids hike.

All the cool kids fish.

 

All the cool kids have assistants.

All the cool kids use antique fountain pens on recycled rag paper.

All the cool kids have several step-kids.

 

All the cool kids live in New York.

All the cool kids live in Sedona.

All the cool kids live in Ohio.

 

So, how about it , you wanna be a cool kid?

Plenty of choices above.

Kinda confusing and conflicting choices.

A little overwhelming.

How do you sort out what it takes to be cool?

Cinchy.

Believe it or not, there is a little voice in you that knows. Knows how you are at your coolest.

That little voice is your internal guidance system.

And you may have forgotten how to steer by it.

You may have been overruled by stronger people who told you that you don’t know what you’re talking about. That they know better.

And you believed them.

So you stopped listening to your little voice. You lost your map. And forgot how to know yourself.

And now you’re seeking.  You’re pushing. You’re striving.  Unfortunately, still toward what other people are telling you is right.

Wanna stop?  Why not go ahead and be a cool kid on your own terms?

Just listen to that internal guidance system, and make your choices according to what feels right to you.

You.

The coolest kid around.

Who makes her own damn list of what’s cool.

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment

Hope.

August 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

There are people who will tell you that hope is not a strategy.  And I completely understand that perspective, especially when I hear my mother’s voice in my ear saying, “Wishin’ don’t make it so” (and she would throw on her twangiest twang as she said it, too).

But hope can be a powerful, powerful thing – especially when it’s tied to a really clear vision of the future.

Have you got hopes?  Could you make a list of them? A list of your dreams?  Your vision of the future?

I know I can.

I hope I’m healthy into my old age.

But wishin’ don’t make it so, does it?

What do I have to do to make my hope a reality?

Feed myself nourishing foods, get moderate exercise, see the doctor from time to time, have friends, enjoy myself.

Looking at it that way, doesn’t getting older seem like a ton of fun?

I hope I’m financially secure throughout my life.

Again, wishin’ ain’t gonna fill up my bank account.  So what do I need to do?

Work smart, invest well, save responsibly, spend reasonably.

[I like that - especially the work smart part.]

I hope I’m always connected to engaged, happy, fun, caring people.

Well, to be connected with engaged, happy, fun, caring people, I need to make sure that I’m engaged, happy, fun and caring myself.

You never get what you aren’t willing to give, do you?

The exciting prospect is that to achieve this I get to keep learning new things, doing new things, meeting new people.  I also get to be open, and vulnerable, and nurturing.

Now, that sounds like a wonderful way to live.

I hope my children are happy adults.

You know what?  I’m going to take that back. Let me be more specific.

I hope my children are good partners.  Good parents.  Good neighbors.  Good friends.  I hope they find meaningful work.  I hope they remain in touch with their own resilience.

I hope they find joy.

I hope they have hope.

Because hope is a vision of how the future might be.

How our lives could possibly be if we just line up square behind that hope and make it a reality.

Just like rock breaks scissors, darlings, hope squashes fear.

We hope we can, so we do.

Like magic.

Hope, when it’s backed up by steps toward a vision of your own creation – yes, in that case, hoping sure does make it so.

 

[photo credit:  Michele Woodward]

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment

Who Wins?

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

There is no winning formula.

Regardless of what anyone tells you, success is not one-size-fits-all.

What propels one elite athlete to excellence may not propel you to the same level of performance.

Someone else’s business plan cannot be grafted onto your business idea with the same result.

Your brother’s job search is not your job search.

You are you.

They are them.

So, beware people who want to sell you their “secrets”.  Who offer you a success template.  Who say being successful is fast, easy, and assured – but only if you follow their plan.

You are you.

They are them.

It’s so natural, so human, so very optimistic to wish and hope and pray for an easy solution.  And, we think/hope/pray -  if it worked for someone else, then maybe it will work for me.

We think: Maybe success will finally be easy.

Because we’d all really like easy.

Most of us would like what that old song promised: “That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it, Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free…”

But life doesn’t work like that.

The best winning solution is the one relevant to who you are and where you want to go. The best solution is the one you can visualize for yourself, and create to your own specifications.

The best solution really works for you.

So why not ask the person who’s selling you their wholesale, turn-key, nearly guaranteed thingy,  “Don’t I deserve a customized solution for this price?”

Because you do. If you want to be truly successful.

Unfortunately, the seller’s personal success plan is based on wholesaling solutions to you and hundreds or thousands of hopeful types just like you.  Customized takes too much time, is too difficult, is too specific, is too long-term. Customized requires a relationship, for heaven’s sake.  It’s hard to be a jet-setting, Internet famous, location independent superstar when you have to bother with relationships with clients!

The real problem for “secret” sellers is this:  Customized can’t be re-sold in the same way turn-key solutions can be sold – over and over and over again.

[Which, by the way, is the "secret of success" many folks will teach you. Just saved you $15,000.]

There’s not the same kind of money in telling you that success may take a little thoughtful customization. Telling you success may take some time.  It may take some failure, and learning. May need revision.  May be found in something completely different than you expected. May not come at all.  Hard to sell that in a weekend workshop, or a high-priced mastermind group, huh?

When you were a kid, did you ever read Aesop’s fables?  I did. And there’s one I keep coming back to – The Tortoise and The Hare.

Let me ask you, in that old fable, who ultimately won the big race? Was it the Hare, who ran so fast that he could rest during the race, who impressed the girl bunnies, who had so many tricks up his sleeve, who was so flashy?  Or, was it the Tortoise, who kept on plugging away, kept going step by step, kept to an approach consistent with his turtle nature?

Of course, it was the Tortoise. But it’s easier to sell the flash of the Hare than the steady plodding of the Tortoise.

That is, if you’re selling flash and tricks.

Friends, there’s just one secret to success: be yourself.

Consistently.  Patiently.  Kindly.  Generously. True to your own nature.

That’s it. That’s all. That’s the starting point.

You deserve a customized solution. Demand it.  And you’ll win your race.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , Leave a Comment

Taking A Gamble on a Sure Thing

July 31, 2011 By 1 Comment

I have my best ideas when I’m driving. Are you like that? There’s something about how the car wheels rumble over the lines in the pavement stretching out-out-out toward a horizon overflowing with possibilities.

And even if the radio is on and even if people are chattering in the back seat, I can find that wonderful quiet place – that creative quiet place where my brain starts to click.

And click it did, a few months ago.

While behind the wheel, I asked myself, “What do most of my clients complain about?”

The answer arrived, fully formed. “My clients complain about a toxic work environment. An office with a leader who doesn’t know how to lead, or whose personal emotional baggage is overwhelming.”

Hmmm, I thought. “What’s the opposite of that?

Well, the opposite of a toxic executive is… an enlightened executive. That was the light bulb moment.

Let me tell you more in this video:

And what are the characteristics of an Enlightened Executive? I wrote them down:

- is in alignment with her integrity

- values all perspectives

- is a listening learner

- is generous

- is predictable

- fosters the best in others

- means what he says

- communicates fully

- leads by example

- knows the difference between private and secret

- consciously creates positive energy

- is open to the unknown

- accepts differences

- knows that past wounds can influence present actions, and works to bring a clean approach to his work

After all the work I’ve done with so many clients over the years, I know how people learn best. They learn best when they have both in-depth personal one-on-one coaching and the benefit of working within a group. I know people need exposure to new approaches and tactics, too. And, they need experiences which reinforce that learning, and integrate it into action.

So, that’s exactly how I’ve designed the Enlightened Executive Institute™ program. I have the best coaches to join with me – Master Coach Christina Brandt and Master Coach Jennifer Voss – ready to work closely with clients to create the best possible growth. I have an amazing Faculty, ready to teach creativity, body language, communications, productivity, leadership, stress management and networking. People like Patti Digh and Liz Lynch. Pam Slim and Charlie Gilkey. Dr. Jack Brown and Mary Beth Sammons. Hiro Boga and Fabeku Fatunmise. Jeannette Maw. I have a board of advisors made up of CEOs and former CEOs – really smart folks – who are helping me in myriad ways.

And, right out of the box, we’re focusing on philanthropy. Specifically, a portion of our proceeds will go to the Fresh Start Women’s Foundation – supporting women in transition, and the Culinary Job Training Program of the D.C. Central Kitchen, who prepares unemployed, underemployed, previously incarcerated persons, and homeless adults for careers in the foodservice industry.

Maybe we can’t change the truly toxic leader. But we can train the high-potential, up and coming leader – and when she steps into the corner office, or he grows his business to 125 employees, or their non-profit beats the fundraising goal – you can be sure they’ll create an enlightened environment.

And workplace by workplace, people will be more engaged. More effective. More invested.

Enlightened.

And that will be the realization of a dream. The opposite of toxic.

To learn more about The Enlightened Executive Institute™, you can download this PDF, or go to www.enlightenedexec.com. The new program begins in October, 2011.

A few kind souls have said, “Michele! What are you thinking? Starting a business like this amid so much economic uncertainty? Why not wait? See what happens?” I generally smile. Because I know this:

When would we possibly need Enlightened Executives more in the world than we do right now?

And, yes, the economy is a challenge. But guess what? I’m creating jobs. Yeah, me – I’m doing that. I’ve paid a great logo designer, a great website designer. Web hosting people. A lawyer. Well, two lawyers, to tell the truth. An accountant. The coaches. The Faculty.

And, if it goes the way I want it to go, unemployed people will get new opportunities via the organizations we’re supporting.

I look at the possibilities and I see: Win. Win. And win.

Stop now? You kidding me? And miss all the good that we’re going to be making in the world?

Not me. Not now. No, now is the absolutely perfect time to get started.

Come with me?

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , 1 Comment

Whoa.

July 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Whoa.

This week I said, “Whoa” more than once. And, curiously, each time the word took on a different meaning.

“Whoa”, rather short and sharp, when I learned something new. Kinda stopped me in my tracks as the dots connected themselves and suddenly I had a new understanding of a thing previously less understood.

You know that kind of whoa.

I also said an exclamatory, “Whoa!” when a guy cut me off in traffic. Whoa, as in, “Sheesh, what are you thinking? Doofus.” OK, I might have used a different epithet. I will leave my precise word choice to your imagination.

“Whoa,” was on my lips when my 15 year old daughter came down the stairs in a new outfit, hair done, ready to go to a party. That was a rather long, drawn-out whooooooa, expressing “OMG, how beautiful you are!” combined with a measure of “wasn’t she just four years old a minute ago?”

I said a brief and surprised “whoa” under my breath a conference this week when I realized the caliber of the influential women in the room – women who are committed to helping other women succeed.

I’m telling you – it was a Whoa Week, people.

Which is a really great thing because I’ve found:

Whoa leads to wonder.

Wonder.  Yes, even with the doofus who cut me off in traffic.  Really.  In that moment, it was wonderful to be alive, unharmed, and able to ease on down the road.

The is the Way of Whoa.

Doesn’t that just make you want to say… whoa?

I know what you’re feeling.  So let me ask you this: Do you say “whoa” enough?  Feel that “whoa” feeling frequently?

You know what I’m talking about – that moment of discovery.  The complete awareness of your own edges and boundaries.  The epiphany of spying something beautiful.  That delicious moment of realization that something truly wonderful is happening.

Whether you’re at work, or at home or somewhere in-between, my friends, say whoa and lift yourself out of the hurry, bustle and go-go-go of everyday life.

Walk the Way of Whoa.

Enjoy.

Discover.

Wonder.

Today has got to be your day to say whoa.

 

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

Filed Under: Authenticity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment

Summer Dreaming

July 17, 2011 By 2 Comments

 

I don’t know about you, but I want to:

Read an entire book in one day.

Eat popsicles after each meal.

Take two naps daily.

Ride a bike with a monkey bar, and streamers on the handles.

Use Sun-In.

Watch ants parade.

Teach toddlers about bubbles.

Listen to the afternoon rain fall on the roof.

Putter.

Laugh with old friends.

Make new friends.

Feel the sun on my shoulders.

Enjoy this summer.

Because all work and no play makes me a very dull girl.

Because play excites my soul.

Because I’m better when I’m relaxed and anti-frantic.

[Bet you are, too.]

So what are your summer dreams?

Wanna have a popsicle and think it over?

Why not go ahead and have two and get started?

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

Filed Under: Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , 2 Comments
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