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Who Wins?

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

There is no winning formula.

Regardless of what anyone tells you, success is not one-size-fits-all.

What propels one elite athlete to excellence may not propel you to the same level of performance.

Someone else’s business plan cannot be grafted onto your business idea with the same result.

Your brother’s job search is not your job search.

You are you.

They are them.

So, beware people who want to sell you their “secrets”.  Who offer you a success template.  Who say being successful is fast, easy, and assured – but only if you follow their plan.

You are you.

They are them.

It’s so natural, so human, so very optimistic to wish and hope and pray for an easy solution.  And, we think/hope/pray -  if it worked for someone else, then maybe it will work for me.

We think: Maybe success will finally be easy.

Because we’d all really like easy.

Most of us would like what that old song promised: “That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it, Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free…”

But life doesn’t work like that.

The best winning solution is the one relevant to who you are and where you want to go. The best solution is the one you can visualize for yourself, and create to your own specifications.

The best solution really works for you.

So why not ask the person who’s selling you their wholesale, turn-key, nearly guaranteed thingy,  “Don’t I deserve a customized solution for this price?”

Because you do. If you want to be truly successful.

Unfortunately, the seller’s personal success plan is based on wholesaling solutions to you and hundreds or thousands of hopeful types just like you.  Customized takes too much time, is too difficult, is too specific, is too long-term. Customized requires a relationship, for heaven’s sake.  It’s hard to be a jet-setting, Internet famous, location independent superstar when you have to bother with relationships with clients!

The real problem for “secret” sellers is this:  Customized can’t be re-sold in the same way turn-key solutions can be sold – over and over and over again.

[Which, by the way, is the "secret of success" many folks will teach you. Just saved you $15,000.]

There’s not the same kind of money in telling you that success may take a little thoughtful customization. Telling you success may take some time.  It may take some failure, and learning. May need revision.  May be found in something completely different than you expected. May not come at all.  Hard to sell that in a weekend workshop, or a high-priced mastermind group, huh?

When you were a kid, did you ever read Aesop’s fables?  I did. And there’s one I keep coming back to – The Tortoise and The Hare.

Let me ask you, in that old fable, who ultimately won the big race? Was it the Hare, who ran so fast that he could rest during the race, who impressed the girl bunnies, who had so many tricks up his sleeve, who was so flashy?  Or, was it the Tortoise, who kept on plugging away, kept going step by step, kept to an approach consistent with his turtle nature?

Of course, it was the Tortoise. But it’s easier to sell the flash of the Hare than the steady plodding of the Tortoise.

That is, if you’re selling flash and tricks.

Friends, there’s just one secret to success: be yourself.

Consistently.  Patiently.  Kindly.  Generously. True to your own nature.

That’s it. That’s all. That’s the starting point.

You deserve a customized solution. Demand it.  And you’ll win your race.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , Leave a Comment

Whoa.

July 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Whoa.

This week I said, “Whoa” more than once. And, curiously, each time the word took on a different meaning.

“Whoa”, rather short and sharp, when I learned something new. Kinda stopped me in my tracks as the dots connected themselves and suddenly I had a new understanding of a thing previously less understood.

You know that kind of whoa.

I also said an exclamatory, “Whoa!” when a guy cut me off in traffic. Whoa, as in, “Sheesh, what are you thinking? Doofus.” OK, I might have used a different epithet. I will leave my precise word choice to your imagination.

“Whoa,” was on my lips when my 15 year old daughter came down the stairs in a new outfit, hair done, ready to go to a party. That was a rather long, drawn-out whooooooa, expressing “OMG, how beautiful you are!” combined with a measure of “wasn’t she just four years old a minute ago?”

I said a brief and surprised “whoa” under my breath a conference this week when I realized the caliber of the influential women in the room – women who are committed to helping other women succeed.

I’m telling you – it was a Whoa Week, people.

Which is a really great thing because I’ve found:

Whoa leads to wonder.

Wonder.  Yes, even with the doofus who cut me off in traffic.  Really.  In that moment, it was wonderful to be alive, unharmed, and able to ease on down the road.

The is the Way of Whoa.

Doesn’t that just make you want to say… whoa?

I know what you’re feeling.  So let me ask you this: Do you say “whoa” enough?  Feel that “whoa” feeling frequently?

You know what I’m talking about – that moment of discovery.  The complete awareness of your own edges and boundaries.  The epiphany of spying something beautiful.  That delicious moment of realization that something truly wonderful is happening.

Whether you’re at work, or at home or somewhere in-between, my friends, say whoa and lift yourself out of the hurry, bustle and go-go-go of everyday life.

Walk the Way of Whoa.

Enjoy.

Discover.

Wonder.

Today has got to be your day to say whoa.

 

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

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Weight Loss – For Whom?

July 12, 2011 By 1 Comment



I have a wonderful friend – Jeannette Maw. Jeannette is a Law of Attraction coach who has built an amazing community at Good Vibe U.

I love her.

She’s a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock and roll. But when we chat on the phone, we have the most amazing conversations.

To wit: we recently discussed the social self – that which we show others to gain their approval – vs. the authentic self – who we really are.

And I told Jeannette this story:

She looked at me with wide eyes: “I just think I need to lose those 15 pounds.”

We were talking about her job search, but I knew when she uttered those words about her weight that we were onto something. Something bigger than 15 pounds.

“What would losing 15 pounds do for you, Sandy?” I asked. [Of course, it's not her real name.]

“Oh, I just think it would give me an edge. I mean, I’m ‘older’ now and I need to be competitive with those younger kids…” she trailed off.

“Anything else?” I probed.

“Well,” she sighed. She was really sharing something important and it came out in a rush. “What I really want is a partner, so if I lose 15 pounds, I can find a man and take some of the pressure of the job search. That’s what I’m thinking.”

“So, it seems to me,” I said, “that you have an idea that men only want skinny women. Am I reading that right?”

She looked at me as if I were dense, slow-witted and a friendly but clueless visitor from another planet. I swear, she wanted to say, “Duh!” but instead she said, “Yes, I do think men are only interested in young, thin, athletic women.”

I leaned in. “Have you ever been to a state fair? An amusement park? A Wal-Mart? A water park? A family reunion?” I could see in her eyes that she had no idea where I was taking this.

I went on. “I’ve been to all those places and I have seen plenty of heavy, married women. Plenty of them. And they have kids. And they’re holding hands with their husbands.”

She leaned back.

“So is it true that every man on the entire planet in only interested in partnering with young, thin, athletic women?”

She began to smile and shook her head, “No.”

“I have no problem with you wanting to lose weight, and be healthier. No problem at all. But you have to know your why, Sandy. Why do you want to lose weight? Who do you want to lose weight for?”

I paused. “Because if you want to lose weight to please others, or attract others, you’re looking for external motivation – that’s what we call the social self – and weight loss like that never works. Never. What makes you attractive to others is being comfortable in your own skin, regardless of the size of that skin.”

“I have to want it to please myself…” she said, realization on her face.

“Yes. Indeed.” I said.

And I meant it.

And so did she.

Now, read what Jeannette has to say about the subject.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

Planting Seeds

July 10, 2011 By 4 Comments



Take a seed.

Put it in some dirt. Maybe add some compost.

Now, water it.

Then, do the hardest part: walk away.

I mean it, walk away.

Because if you worry whether the seeds are germinating, doubt whether they’re growing – pull them up to check the progress? You’ll kill the plant.

Growing things calls for patience.

Even if it’s growing your career, your business, your practice, your network. Your love life, your family, your friendships. Whatever you’re growing, you need patience, baby.

And you need to plant seeds. Every single day.

Plant plenty, because we all know that some seeds will not grow. Too much water, too much sun, not enough water, not enough sun – there are many reasons seeds don’t take root.

But you can’t take it personally. Just plant so many seeds that a few duds won’t make any difference.

Just keep planting, even in the most unlikely places.

Because some seeds can thrive in an improbable inch of dirt in a random crack in the sidewalk.

Want a new job as a lawyer? Talk to your periodontist.

Want to meet a new person? Ask the yoga instructor.

Need to meet someone at XYZ, Inc.? You’d be surprised to know that the softball coach’s younger brother is the CEO there.

Plant those seeds and water them with generosity and genuine kindness.

Let them develop roots.

Let them flourish and grow.

And when it’s time to harvest, you will have a bumper crop.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , , 4 Comments

Interdependence Day

July 3, 2011 By Leave a Comment

When dusk settles in on the evening of July 4th and you’re in that wonderful anticipating lull before the fireworks start, take a minute and remember what people across the U.S. are actually celebrating.

Independence Day.

But you could also call it Interdependence Day.

Because who are we as a nation if we didn’t depend on firefighters who step into burning buildings to save lives?

And police officers who come to the firefighters’ homes if anything is amiss?

And teachers who educate the children of firefighters and police officers?

Of course, teachers, firefighters and police officers count on doctors to help them when they’re sick.

And doctors couldn’t do their work without nurses and techs and paperwork people.

Can we agree that we need grocery store cashiers and even the high school kids who stock the shelves?

What about the men and women who fill the potholes, and the engineers who make sure bridges are safe?

Then there are the craftsmen who make furniture for our houses.

And for them, power company executives who make decisions which guarantee that the craftsmen will have the energy they need to run the lathes.

And, believe it or not, we have honest, dependable, smart people making sound public policy decisions which allow the power company to do its job.

Sometimes these people are called “politicians” or “civil servants” – much maligned, certainly, but I know many of them… and the best share a deep, profound commitment to our country.

There are others, too, with a deep appreciation of our country. Who are we as a nation if we didn’t depend on the men and women who choose to serve in harm’s way as airmen, sailors, soldiers and Marines?

They choose to serve. And many of them give the last full measure of devotion so we can live free.

Kind of like the founders of our nation.

Yes, it’s important to be yourself, and focused on your own life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

But Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and Benjamin Franklin knew about interdependence. I imagine it was on his mind when Franklin said at the signing of the Declaration of Independence:

“We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

You know, I’ve read that the ultimate expression of spiritual enlightenment is the realization that every individual on the planet is connected to every other individual on the planet. That we are independent individuals yet interdependent people.

You know that’s true. See, we all live it every day in a million ways, even if we’re not conscious of it. We depend on teachers and soldiers and cops and firefighters and doctors and engineers and politicians and civil servants and executives and craftsmen and millions of other people in our daily lives. And they, in turn, depend on us in some way.

We are all connected.

On July 4th, by the light of the rockets’ red glare, let’s remember that truth, shall we? And let’s truly celebrate what it means to be free.

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

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