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Be It Resolved

December 31, 2011 By 2 Comments

 

WHEREAS, 2011 was a bad year for tyrants, terrorists and repressive regimes around the world; and,

WHEREAS, sometimes offices and workplace settings can mimic authoritative empires; and,

WHEREAS, the world of work has radically changed, making it even more important for you to see yourself as fully in charge of your career and future; and,

WHEREAS, the thing that has often challenged you is being a good enough advocate for yourself; and,

WHEREAS, you might also just be a little bit of a people-pleaser, which only means something you learned at one time in your life no longer suits you at this point; and,

WHEREAS, breaking a life-long habit can be a big challenge; and,

WHEREAS, you know breaking that habit is the only way to get ahead and live the life you envision; and,

WHEREAS, surprisingly enough, you can easily get all the help and support you need to make this change simply by asking people you trust to give you a hand,

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, that you will begin to shift your situation by taking small steps to learn be the self-mentor, self-advocate, self-champion you need to be

  1. You will say no, and
  2. You will honor your own preferences and assert them appropriately, and
  3. You will take the risks required to grow, even if they feel way too big, and
  4. You will not be afraid to be a person of integrity and authenticity, and
  5. You will find that by doing so you will actively move to reduce your stress, and
  6. You will stop feeling like you continually lose.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that you will stand up to office bullies and authoritarian tyrants, armed with integrity, confidence, candor and focus, thereby giving yourself the relief you deserve, and the kind of life you want.

RATIFIED BY UNANIMOUS CONSENT this 1st day of January, 2012.

[Your signature here]

 

 

 

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I Am A Loser

October 23, 2011 By 8 Comments

There are three ways to tell this story:

1.  Although after winning a commanding 43% in the final round of The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest, they chose someone younger with consistently fewer votes.

2.  I don’t care that I didn’t win The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest because I really don’t have time for it anyway.

3.  I gave The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest my best shot – I wrote like Monet painted – but the judges preferred Van Gogh.  And that is OK.

See, there are always many ways to tell a story.  And I told all of those versions of my story in the first 24 hours after I found out that, despite having the vast majority of the final vote, I didn’t win.

It was hard.

It really hurt.

Because I had put myself out there, and told all of you that I really wanted the job.

And I worked hard.

And I put other things aside to focus on the contest.

And I fell short.

Then I got a grip, and thought of all the clients over the years who have been final candidates in some executive search and haven’t been offered the position.  What do I advise them?

Honor the full sweep of your emotions. Because there are no “wrong” emotions.  There are just emotions.

So, heeding my own advice, I was – by turns – angry, sad, self-chastising, denying, accepting.

No pretending.  Just whatever it was, as it was.

And, after all of that emotion, I settled into this thought:  Close, baby, but no cigar.

But the damn cigar is completely within reach.

The cigar that’s coming next for me may just be a different brand, and aroma, and size than I expected. And I will welcome it.

You all know that I believe we each have 100 units of energy to spend each day.  Yesterday’s are gone, and tomorrow’s belong to tomorrow – so how I spend my 100 today is vital.  And totally up to me.

I know that in order to achieve anything, I must use my energy to support my greatest priorities:

Being a good enough parent.

Doing work that makes a difference, and that I am proud of.

Caring for my emotional, spiritual, physical and financial health.

Truth is, I would have loved writing for The Washington Post.  But not writing for The Washington Post offers me the opportunity to put more energy units on my true, real priorities.

Plus, there are gifts for me in not getting what I wanted.

(Which is something I often suggest clients look at – and after they throw something at me, they usually find the gifts inherent in any difficult situation.)

For me, the gifts were multiple:

I tested my writing skills and found them strong, coherent, and well-received.

I connected with people who love my work.

I found new people who love my work.

I enlarged my comfort zone.

I felt tremendous gratitude for an ocean of support from people all around the world.

So, I am a loser.  No doubt about that.

How do I know?  Because I did not win.

But, I am a happy loser who feels like she got the best possible part of the whole deal.

See, in losing I found more of myself.

And that’s a win, sugar. A big, honking, bona fide win.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , 8 Comments

Risk. (Allow) Reward.

October 9, 2011 By 1 Comment

Not Ed But A Guy Named Ed

I bumped into my friend Ed, who told me he’d gotten a new job.

“Rock on with your bad self!”I exclaimed (or something close to that). Ed went on to tell me that there had been 70 candidates for the position he had won. I asked him how he did it.

“That’s really interesting,” Ed reflected. “I asked that very question of the man who hired me. Know what he said?” I was hanging on Ed’s every word at this point.

“He said that of all the final candidates, I was the only one who said I wanted the job.”

“What?” I was incredulous. “What did you say, exactly?” (because I knew you’d want to know.)

Ed went on, “I said to my prospective boss, ‘This is my dream job, and I’d really love to have it.”

Of all the people interviewing for the job, Ed was the only one who took the risk to reveal what he really felt – to reveal an eensy bit of vulnerability – and that’s what got him the job.

A big, senior level job, I might add.

So many of us would play it a different way.

Maybe we put on the jaded act – been there, done that, slightly bored, seen it before. Yawn.

Some of us expect to be tapped on the shoulder after quietly, self-effacingly, doing great work … tapped on the shoulder and offered the dream job of a lifetime. “Me?  You want me?” we rehearse saying, like Miss America who has no idea – no idea! – she’s the judge’s favorite.  All faux humility, big smile and practiced walk.

And then there are those who think that since they went to the “right” college and made it into the “right” program, then – by rights – they are entitled to a big, senior level job. I know that’s not you – that’s the guy in the next cube, right?

But none of these types are really taking any risk. They never reveal a little of themselves.  A little of what they want.  A little vulnerability.

Which, then, keeps them from what they really want.  Because they can’t say what they want out loud.  It’s too risky.

Recently, I took a risk. I saw a small item in the way back of a special section of The Washington Post. It said, in small type, that they were going to have a contest to find a new career advice columnist. That interested people should enter into the contest the following Wednesday.

I cut it out.

I taped it to my computer monitor.

And looked at it for at least five days.

Until the day I could enter.

I clicked. I read.

I noticed.

The entry form didn’t ask if I wrote a blog. Didn’t ask if anyone read my stuff. Didn’t ask: How Many Twitter Followers and Facebook Friends Do You Have?

Just name, city, age, job.

Then, “answer two of these five reader questions.”

I paused for a moment. Maybe it was two. Or three or seven.

I couldn’t skate this thing because I have a blog that a few people read. My personal brand made no difference.

I was just gonna be me. Doing my best.

So, deep breath, I took the risk, and submitted. And decided to allow whatever was going to happen to just go ahead and happen.

Few weeks later: got an email. “You are a Top 10 Finalist!”

Huh. And, wow!

Took a risk and submitted a piece for the first elimination round. What would happen, would happen.

Waited.

Got an email: “You have made it through to the Second Round!”

Huh. And, wow! Funny how I’m just allowing it all to happen.

[Could have quit at this moment. Really. I mean, it was my choice. But I continued. Because it felt all flowy and good. Totally allowing. And fun.]

[Most importantly, fun.]

And now,  I just got another email. I’m into the Third Round.

There are six people left. Two will be eliminated this week.

And I’m gonna be all vulnerable with you, just like my friend Ed – writing for The Washington Post would be my dream job. Since I was 10 years old, I have read The Post nearly every day.

I’m taking a little risk in telling you that.  Getting all vulnerable with you… Because anything could happen.  But I think it’s OK.

I’ve taken a risk to get what I want. And I am creating the space to allow whatever outcome that comes to come.

Which just may be the perfect stance to receive a reward. Like my friend Ed did.

How about you? Ready to take a risk? And allow the space for a reward?

Doesn’t have to be a huge risk – just has to feel risky to you.

Why not take your risk? And then just allow whatever to happen.  I bet you’ll reap a reward.

Then you’ll have to tell me all about it.

Cuz I’m gonna write you up in the paper.

The Washington Post newspaper.

 

***

To vote in The Washington Post @Work Advice Contest, go to www.washingtonpost.com/workadvice after Noon ET on Wednesday, October 12, 2011.  Click on my picture.  Then click on the yellow link on the left side – Vote For Your Favorite.  Click on my picture again, then click Submit, so your vote will count.  And thank you.  From the bottom of my heart – thank you.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Whoa.

July 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Whoa.

This week I said, “Whoa” more than once. And, curiously, each time the word took on a different meaning.

“Whoa”, rather short and sharp, when I learned something new. Kinda stopped me in my tracks as the dots connected themselves and suddenly I had a new understanding of a thing previously less understood.

You know that kind of whoa.

I also said an exclamatory, “Whoa!” when a guy cut me off in traffic. Whoa, as in, “Sheesh, what are you thinking? Doofus.” OK, I might have used a different epithet. I will leave my precise word choice to your imagination.

“Whoa,” was on my lips when my 15 year old daughter came down the stairs in a new outfit, hair done, ready to go to a party. That was a rather long, drawn-out whooooooa, expressing “OMG, how beautiful you are!” combined with a measure of “wasn’t she just four years old a minute ago?”

I said a brief and surprised “whoa” under my breath a conference this week when I realized the caliber of the influential women in the room – women who are committed to helping other women succeed.

I’m telling you – it was a Whoa Week, people.

Which is a really great thing because I’ve found:

Whoa leads to wonder.

Wonder.  Yes, even with the doofus who cut me off in traffic.  Really.  In that moment, it was wonderful to be alive, unharmed, and able to ease on down the road.

The is the Way of Whoa.

Doesn’t that just make you want to say… whoa?

I know what you’re feeling.  So let me ask you this: Do you say “whoa” enough?  Feel that “whoa” feeling frequently?

You know what I’m talking about – that moment of discovery.  The complete awareness of your own edges and boundaries.  The epiphany of spying something beautiful.  That delicious moment of realization that something truly wonderful is happening.

Whether you’re at work, or at home or somewhere in-between, my friends, say whoa and lift yourself out of the hurry, bustle and go-go-go of everyday life.

Walk the Way of Whoa.

Enjoy.

Discover.

Wonder.

Today has got to be your day to say whoa.

 

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

Filed Under: Authenticity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment

“Know Your Name”

October 24, 2010 By 3 Comments




I’m going to tell you a little story.

I have this friend named Patti Digh. You may remember her if you listened to my Virtual Birthday Party earlier this year. And Patti has a new book. And another new book. And her book tour brought her to my neighborhood this week, so I trundled off to see her.

Patti is a mental breath of fresh air. She’s so smart, and so funny, and so kind, and so… Patti. I really do love her (her Johnny Depp obsession aside). If you have a chance to see her during her book tour, do.

As she wrapped up her talk the other night, she passed around a basket of stones, each carrying a painted message. Patti said, “Don’t pick a stone, don’t look at them and choose one, let the stone pick you.” I dug my hand in – because, of course, I had to dig deep – and touched this one:

Know Your Name

And I knew what I had to write about this week. Had to write about. This stone chose me.

Because I needed to be reminded that there have been times in my life where I’ve forgotten my own name. Forgotten who I am.

Been so immersed in a relationship or situation that I’ve lost my essential self and grafted on the self of someone else. And while it felt completely natural and good at the time due to my own insecurities, fear and desperation, inherent in that enticing merging was a regrettable forgetting.

I forgot my name.

And sometimes I’ve placed too much hope in a teacher, especially teachers who say, “Do exactly as I do, and you are guaranteed success.”

I’ve learned that that’s not what a teacher says. That’s what a self-serving salesman says.

A teacher says, “Here’s what’s worked for others, maybe it will work for you.”

A great teacher says, “Let’s discover the brilliance within you, and get it to shine.”

Oh, it’s easier to sign on with the person who’ll tell you exactly what to do to become successful. We love our “7 Steps To A 7-Figure Income” and promises that marketing matters more than mastery. Doesn’t that sound easy? None of that pesky learning or training or study. No, we can just sell!

And by following that advice we swap our name for the salesman’s name and lose the brilliance within.

This has happened to me. And I’ve only realized it when I’ve figured out just how unhappy I’ve become. When I’ve been under the tutelage of someone who doesn’t really honor my name. When I’ve allowed myself to forget who I really am.

That’s when I have to do the real work, and pull myself back to my own happy self.

Because happiness comes from being yourself. Comfortable in your own skin. In touch with your own shining light.

Simple as that.

Remember your name. Say your name often. Love it. Know it. Because it’s yours and yours alone. Uniquely, authentically yours.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , 3 Comments
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