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What I Want For You

January 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment
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Life is all about the cupcakes.

I want you to maximize your potential.

You’re always at your best when you center in your strengths and focus on your true priorities.

When you know your values and serve them daily.

When you accept who you are and get to the place of self-respect and self-love.

When you live the life you were meant to live.

I want you to be able to make your career work for you, rather than the other way around.

You can be yourself and succeed.

There are no “shoulds”, only choices.

You are the best expert on you – not your boss, not your co-workers, not anyone else. You.

Stress can be a motivator, but too much of it saps your energy and makes you sick.  Workplace drama masquerading as “stress” is pointless.

You have the capacity to design a life that’s right for you.  On all counts.

I want you to be supremely clear.

So you can make the best possible decisions for yourself.

Without getting stuck.

Or hung up.

Because good decisions beget more good decisions. And I want more good in your life.

But most of all, I want you to be happy.  I want you to wake up ready to engage with the day.  To have that energetic kind of enthusiasm that makes work feel effortless.  To enjoy what you’re doing so much that you lose track of time. To go to bed feeling fulfilled, connected and satisfied.  To have fun.

I want all of this for you.

And that’s why I do what I do.

Thanks for letting me.

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Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment

The Ties That Bind

December 26, 2010 By 2 Comments
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It’s a big change you’re making in your life.  A step into the unknown.  A moment of redefinition.

People are telling you what it is you’re supposed to be doing.  And you’re not quite sure – you’ve been doing this thing for so long.  Can you do something new now?

What if you don’t like it? What if you change your mind? Will it be hard to find a new meaning? A new purpose?

Can you really do this?

Know what I think? I think: Yes, you can.

It will be hard, but you will do it.

And it will be what you make it.  So make it what you want.

Stay true to yourself.

Play to your strengths.  Which include integrity, insight and a wicked sense of humor. And a connected circle of deeply loyal family, friends and supporters.

You know this.

Sure, you are leaving one sure thing and going to another unsure thing, but you’re not alone. You’ve got people, my friend.

And these are the ties that bind. And they will bind to you regardless of your job title, or how you spend your day, or where you go.

If you let them, it’s your people that will guide you through to your next great thing.  Because I have a hunch that there is a next great thing out there for you, just waiting to be discovered.

What an amazing, life-changing prospect.

You’re a modern day Magellan, charting your own course. On a fantastic voyage of discovery.

Go on, then. Make your mark. Write your history. I’ll be right here, cheering you on every step of the way.

***

Good response to this post I wrote for Psychology Today.  If you struggle with delegating, take a quick read. I wonder if the client who inspired this will recognize herself…


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Filed Under: Career Coaching, Happier Living, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 2 Comments

Work With A Jerk? Part 1

September 26, 2010 By 4 Comments
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my boss is a jerk




The phone rings.

The voice on the other end of the line is usually an experienced, successful person who is at the end of their rope.  They say something like, “I really need to find a new job.  I can’t continue to work here – it’s toxic.  I have the boss from Hell.  But how can I leave? I’m a Director/VP/COO.  And with this economy!  I can’t stay, I can’t go.  What do I do?”

“First, take a deep breath,” I’ll say. “It’s going to be OK.”

Then we talk about how to create an improvement in the current situation. Because sometimes that does the trick.

Oh, sure, you’ve tried everything you know how to do, but the boss is still a jerk.  I get it.  So why don’t we try some things you may not know how to do? Starting with:

Understand your own emotional reaction to the jerk. Not to go all Freud on you, but does she remind you of a difficult someone you’ve met before?  Like your mother?  Your grandmother?  Your aunt?  Your sister?  Your 3rd grade teacher (the horrible Mrs. Wilson)?  If this is starting to ring a bell for you, you’ll need to remind yourself -over and over like a meditation mantra – that your boss is not your mother, and that you do not have to react in the way you would with your mother.  Of course, if you have unresolved stuff with your mom that’s spilling over into your workplace, then it’s probably time to see a capable therapist and work through it.  That one thing alone could dramatically shift your work environment toward the positive.

Understand that true jerks won’t listen, and rarely change. Raising difficult issues – or even the truth – in a dysfunctional organization headed by a real jerk is one of the biggest challenges anyone can ever face.  You may believe that if you could only string together the right words, everyone would have a collective Aha! moment and peace would reign forever.  Good luck with that.

Here’s where I disagree with all the academics who publish books and lead workshops on Office Communication. They imagine a utopia where every player is honest, rational, well-intentioned, mature, responsible and cooperative.

Tell me where that workplace is and I’ll go right over and apply for a job myself.

In the real world where I live and work, some folks are fearful, and have blind spots, and are even deeply unconscious.  Fail to take that into consideration when you deal with a jerk, and you’ll end up frustrated, stressed, worried and unhappy.

The bottom line: if you’re working for a jerk, the best thing you can do is figure out how you’re being emotionally triggered, defuse the triggers, and realize that as smart and capable as you are – you cannot make anyone change. You can only change how you react. And while that is sometimes enough to turn a situation around, sometimes the only positive sane change you can make is to leave.

***

Next week we’ll talk about setting boundaries when you work for a jerk, and the week after that I’ll tackle how to evaluate when it’s really time to quit.

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Filed Under: Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 4 Comments

Michele’s Feast

June 20, 2010 By 7 Comments



I’ve decided that there are no coincidences – only opportunities for me to open up and learn.

Last night I found myself with unexpected time to myself. I’m sure all you single parents of teenagers understand exactly what I’m talking about. I had no plans but was utterly delighted with having no plans. My blog post was written, my to-dos all done, my day complete. I happily whipped up an egg salad sandwich and paired it with a cold glass of pinot grigio (an odd but inspired summer combo, if I do say so myself) and parked myself on the couch, remote in hand, intent on finding a movie to watch.

A movie that I picked. Me. For me. No compromising on comedy when I wanted drama.  No action when I wanted love.  It could be anything I wanted. Anything.

Ah, the delicious freedom.

There were hundreds of free options. Feeling all giddy, I only perused high definition films. Ha! Still hundreds to choose from. Then I stopped. “Babette’s Feast.” I had seen it.  Hadn’t I liked it?  It was free, so I thought, “Oh, I’ll just watch a little and if it’s awful I’ll watch something else!” [imagine the power!]

Darlings, in just a few moments, Babette’s Feast became Michele’s Feast. I was utterly drawn in.

Do you know the movie? Based on a story by Karen Blixen, the Danish writer also known as Isak Dinesen, the film follows the two daughters of an austere pastor as they deny themselves joy, love, pleasure and opportunity in order to support the work of their father. Over time, they quietly become old women, living together in rigid self-denial, keeping the memory of their father alive.

Into their lives blows Babette, a refuge from political upheaval in France. For fourteen years, Babette lives with the sisters, caring for them and for their small fishing community, mirroring their simple, unadorned life, until one day she wins the French lottery – 10,000 francs – and asks if she can prepare a real French dinner in honor of the deceased pastor’s 100th birthday.

Here’s where it gets really good.

After fourteen years of cautious living, Babette pours her heart and soul into the meal. She carefully obtains fresh fruits, exotic meats, fine wines, exquisite cheeses. She prepares the feast with care, with joy, with creativity, with expertise.

And when the meal is served, the reserved, anti-sensual, closed up, bitter, sniping guests become transformed – they actually taste their food. They enlarge their senses. They are drawn together.  They find that they love one another, and themselves.

The meal is a triumph.

And Babette is broke, having spent her entire lottery winnings on the meal.

When one of the sisters laments that Babette will now spend the rest of her life poor, Babette replies, “An artist is never poor.”

Got me right there.  An artist is never, never poor.

Then, Babette reveals that she had been head chef at a remarkable Paris restaurant, shrugs and says, “I was able to make them happy when I gave of my very best.”

Not only did Babette make others happy – she made herself happy when she gave of her amazing gifts. But wait – Babette’s final words in the film: “Throughout the world sounds one long cry from the heart of the artist – ‘Give me the chance to do my very best.’”

It’s no coincidence that I watched this film last night, because I needed a reminder that my best is all I want to do. My very best. As a woman, as a mother, as a coach, as a creator, and, yes, as an artist.

You, too, are an artist like Babette – even if you aren’t conscious of your creative power. Every day you have the chance to do your very best. Every day you have the power to live via your senses.  Every day you have the opportunity to create something new. Every day you can serve others with your creativity.   Every day. Remember that.

And, you artist, you – remember that the true richness in life is truly and utterly your own creation.


****
Speaking of creation, I’ve developed a new, powerful tool - 5 Questions That Can Change Your Life. It’s a 12-page workboook designed to explore your hidden strengths and preferences and reveal purposeful action steps toward a happier, healthier, more creative life. Best of all, it’s only $5.95! To purchase and download your own copy, please go to: http://michelewoodward.com/products

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , 7 Comments

Failure to Execute

May 2, 2010 By 3 Comments



You don’t know what to do.

Oh, you’ve got plenty of ideas about what you could do.  About what’s possible.  About your dreams.

Or maybe you’re really, really busy – pursuing a hundred leads at once and reeling from all the potential paths available to you.

But somehow nothing’s really happening.  Nothing’s clicking.

And you’re either starting to panic, or, conversely, starting to think that being where you are isn’t really so bad.  You can hang in there until things start to change.  Whenever that might be.  Someday.

Who finds this familiar?  And just a teensy bit scary?

So, let’s talk about it.  Let’s figure out why you consistently step away from making your ideas into something real, shall we?

Falling in love with potential

It’s easy to be drunk with love about what’s possible.  “I take this job, and I can make a million dollars and become CEO one day.”  Or, “If I become a joint venture partner with this famous person, my life will be easy and I’ll become famous, too.”  And, “It’s not really that bad – I bet I can make it better.”  And we are so in love with this vision that we fail to see that the CEO is only 32 years old and not going anywhere any time soon, or that the famous person has staff that deal with “joint venture partners” (and there are hundreds of joint venture partners), or that the thing is not bad – it’s horrific – and is so toxic that hazmat is required.

The best dating advice I ever received was, “Never fall in love with potential”.  Had I ever followed it, I would have been saved plenty of heartache. But, after being bashed about the head and shoulders several times, I finally learned the lesson.

Today, when offered a possibility, I put potential aside and look at what’s at hand with a clear eye.   Does it fit with my strengths?  My values? My goals?  Notice I’m not asking, “Could it possibly, with a lot of work, pixie dust and spit, maybe fit?”  It either fits or it doesn’t.  And if it fits, that’s when I look at potential.  Does this opportunity allow for growth?  Is it fun?  Is it worth my time?

Loving the dream too much

Isn’t it nice to have a dream?  Feels so dreamy, and love-ly.  We can visit our dreamy dream whenever we want, like some personalized amusement park, and lose ourselves in all the possibility.  And we love the idea of the dream, and fondle the dream, and protect it.  But we never make one step toward realizing the dream in our lives.  The singer never takes voice lessons, the writer never types, the entrepreneur never starts a business.

Why?

Because the dream is perfect, and real life is seldom so.

If you’re a dream-fondler but rather restless, here’s an exercise:  write down a full description of your dream.  All of it.  Even the minutiae. Then go back through and pick two things – just two teensy things – you can easily do to move ever-so-slightly toward making the dream real.  See how that feels, try a couple more, and if you hit resistance, it may be because:

Execution means change

Let’s say your dream is to be a writer, and the teensy thing you choose is to start writing.  And maybe you even begin to call yourself a writer.  That might feel like a change. A re-definition.  A big switch.  People might laugh.  You might not fit in with your friends – they don’t even read books – or your family – who values brawn over brain.

Or maybe you grew up in a family that prides itself on academic and intellectual pursuits.  You go to a competitive high school, and all your friends are shooting for the Ivy League.  You go to a top school, and a prestigious graduate program.  All is as it should be.  But you’re not happy.  All you ever do is dream of starting your own landscaping business.

But if you become a landscaper, what will people think?  What will you have in common with your Ivy League friends?  With your siblings?  With your parents?

The fear of loss keeps you in a job you don’t like, being measured by a yardstick that’s not even relevant to your dream.  If you have a strong pull toward belonging and connection, you might hold on to the group’s yardstick because making your own is so scary. And the group might say it’s wrong.

Understandable.  Hard to shake.

But so worth it when you do. Remember: the people who love you will love you whether you’re a physicist or a landscaper.  Whether you’re a Regional Sales Manager or a writer.  More importantly, you will like you when you’re living your dream.

The failure to execute is the Big Kahuna of stuck.  Making your dreams come alive, though, is the Big Enchilada of happiness.  Go ahead. Start now.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , , , 3 Comments
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