Inventing Your Career

It started with the phone book.

My father was visiting this week and asked, “Do you have a phone book?”

A phone book? No, I don’t have a phone book.  No white pages, no yellow pages.  Not one phone book in the house, I realized.

We both laughed when, with sudden awareness, I blurted, “No. No, I don’t.”

And that’s the difference, isn’t it?  My father’s generation relies on the familiarity of the phone book – you pick a real thing up, you find what you want, you put it down and if it’s not in there, well, it probably doesn’t exist. While my children’s generation relies on Google – which gives them nearly unlimited access to information and ideas from sources all around the world.

The phone book metaphor explains how differently people are managing careers today.

During this same visit, my 18-year old son was sharing the details of his job with his grandfather.  “Basically,” he said, “I figured out what I wanted to do, and then got someone to pay me to do it.”  With a smile, he added, “I invented my career, because it didn’t exist before.”

My son is the community manager for a large online community.  How large?  +900,000 unique members.  He has 20 people around the world who report to him, and he’s never met one of them in person.  (Ask him someday about who he hires, and why he fires – fascinating.)  He also built the computer servers which support the community.  And how did he get the job?  He went to the founders of the community and said, “I can grow your fan base.”  And they said, “Go ahead, kid.”

And he did.  And they pay him for it.

Google way:  Create a job out of thin air by recognizing a need and offering to fill it.

Phone book way: Expect the organization to recognize the need, craft a job description, post the job, read hundreds of resumes, interview a dozen candidates, craft an offer, negotiate the deal and fill the job.

Which is more agile?

We are at a real pivot point, friends, when it comes to employment.

What I’m seeing, after working with hundreds of people this year, is a shifting away from the idea of one job, one employer, one career, toward a variety of simultaneous efforts that leverage strengths and interests.

It’s the school teacher who works half-time teaching a specialty class like Latin, coaches an elite, competitive youth sports team, and contentedly throws pottery which she sells at a gallery downtown.

It’s the nurse who also leads a boot camp program and happily works as a personal trainer.

It’s the consultant, working on her own, who has five great clients and generates more income than she ever made on salary.

It’s me.  I mean, 25 years ago could you imagine anyone having the job I have?

It’s the kid who creates his own job by making a powerful offer to solve the problem he’s observed.

Of course, if you are totally phone book oriented, this intangible Google-esque approach might make you feel rather queasy.  I mean, isn’t it kind of weird to not have a job-job? Where’s the belongingness?  The team? Where’s the stability?

I guess you could ask the same thing of the 30,000 folks Bank of America has announced it intends to lay off.

We’re at a pivot point when many of us – even those who are currently working for one employer – will, in the not too distant future, have to redefine what it means to work.

And it’s going to feel weird, and awkward.

Like when you realize you no longer limited to what’s in the phone book, but have all the resources of Google at your fingertips.

I’m going to tell you one thing. I know for certain that when you invent your own career, you consciously choose to leverage your own talents, your own skills, your own preferences – rather than contorting yourself to fit into a narrow job description of someone else’s design.

When you invent your own career, you offer your best self to solve the problems of people – whoever they may be and however many of them you happen to choose to serve, anywhere in the world.

That, my friend, is you as Google.

 

Planting Seeds



Take a seed.

Put it in some dirt. Maybe add some compost.

Now, water it.

Then, do the hardest part: walk away.

I mean it, walk away.

Because if you worry whether the seeds are germinating, doubt whether they’re growing – pull them up to check the progress? You’ll kill the plant.

Growing things calls for patience.

Even if it’s growing your career, your business, your practice, your network. Your love life, your family, your friendships. Whatever you’re growing, you need patience, baby.

And you need to plant seeds. Every single day.

Plant plenty, because we all know that some seeds will not grow. Too much water, too much sun, not enough water, not enough sun – there are many reasons seeds don’t take root.

But you can’t take it personally. Just plant so many seeds that a few duds won’t make any difference.

Just keep planting, even in the most unlikely places.

Because some seeds can thrive in an improbable inch of dirt in a random crack in the sidewalk.

Want a new job as a lawyer? Talk to your periodontist.

Want to meet a new person? Ask the yoga instructor.

Need to meet someone at XYZ, Inc.? You’d be surprised to know that the softball coach’s younger brother is the CEO there.

Plant those seeds and water them with generosity and genuine kindness.

Let them develop roots.

Let them flourish and grow.

And when it’s time to harvest, you will have a bumper crop.

The One

She asked me, “Do you think he could be The One?”

I looked at her hopeful face and wondered how she would take my hearfelt answer — no, honey, he’s not The One. He might be a wonderful guy, and you might be extremely happy with him, but he’s not The One.

Because there’s no such thing as The One.

Despite everything you’ve been told, The One is a myth that only serves to hold us back and make us wretchedly unhappy.

Because there’s not just one person in the whole world who you can love — there are millions.

Pick your jaw up from the floor, sweetie, and bear with me here.

When you decide that there’s only one person out there with whom you can be happy, be contented, be yourself, be deeply committed with — well, you’re setting a limit. A big limiting limit.

Still don’t believe me? Ok, when you say that there’s only one person you can love, what about the woman I knew who was widowed when her young husband was killed in his tank in the Battle of the Bulge? To say that he was The One — the only person she could possibly ever love — what does that say about her second marriage which thrived for fifty years? The one in which she was happy, contented, herself, and deeply committed? Was it wrong? Which marriage didn’t count?

Is it possible that both husbands could have been The One?

Starting to understand? OK, let’s talk about this in the simple terms of abundance and lack. Abundance means having lots and lack means having very little, or, worse, none at all. Believing in The One sets up a deep, black, lack hole. Coming from a lack mindset, I think that I may only get one shot at happiness, so I better get it right. I better be picky. Or, I better hold on to a mediocre boyfriend because what if he’s The One? What if this is as good as it gets?

Abundance is just the opposite. Abundance means that there are many people I can love and be committed to. So if you hit me, or steal my money, or treat me like dirt — I’m a-walking. Because I know, deep down, that there is someone else out there I can love. Plenty of someone elses.

Now, I have to say this: I am a friend of marriage in general, and a friend of your marriage in particular. I am not saying that living in abundance allows you to have affairs all willy-nilly and be off the hook because you’re just living in abundance, dude, and all your partners are The Ones. Huh-uh.

Knowing that there are many people you can love yet acknowledging that you have chosen your spouse is how you divorce-proof your marriage.

Borrowing what I know from weight loss coaching, putting anything off limits creates a lack and only serves to place that “bad food” right smack dab at the top of your mind, increasing your desire to have that “bad food”. To foil that impulse, it’s important to tell yourself that you can have any food — but you’re choosing that which is healthy.

Imagine how different you might take an office crush with this mindset. Rather than wondering, “Maybe my spouse isn’t really The One. Maybe the office crush is The One. If he wasn’t The One would I be feeling all these feelings?”

Naturally, you’d be feeling the crush! Because he’s one of The Ones you could possibly love. But he’s just one of The Ones. Knowing that there is plenty of love available to you puts the crush into perspective and allows you to stay committed to the person you’re committed to.

And I have noticed that people carry over The One idea to their careers. Some people have an attitude that their job should be The One. Which is, again, coming from a lack place. People stay too long in jobs when they worry that maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe working somewhere else would be harder. Or worse. Or just have different jerks.

My first job out of college was great — I worked with a terrific team of peers, and I’m happily connected with them today. It was a challenging and affirming job. But had I stayed there, I would never have had the tremendous experience of working at The White House. Which was, in a word, amazing. And had I not left The White House (well, the Secret Service would have escorted me out one way or the other after the new President took office), I would never have worked for Anne Wexler and have had five inspiring and educational years with her.

And, of course, I would not be the coach I am today without all those experiences.

I loved them all. They were each The One. And The Ones keep on coming. Because I live in abundance and happily welcome them with open arms.

Oh, there are many ways to be happy, darlings. When you know that there’s is plenty to choose from — not just One, but Many — you can live in non-desperate abundance and make sound, fulfilling choices. And you’ll find yourself surrounded in love. With all The Ones that are out there for you.