Make A Referral Week

make a referral weekI am an unabashed, unapologetic proponent of small businesses. And I’m afraid that amid the hullabaloo about stimulus packages and corporate bailouts, insufficient attention has been paid to the real engine of our global economy — small businesses.

Until John Jantsch. Yep, John. The dude who started Duct Tape Marketing. John has declared March 9 -13, 2009 as Make A Referral Week. John’s goal: to generate 1000 referrals to small business during the week — thereby creating a bunch of money for a bunch of people. A grassroots wave of generosity. A tsunami of stimulus.

Hell yes, I’m participating. I just love this idea. It’s something I can do at a time when there doesn’t feel like much I can do. And I’ll bet that between you and me and all my other readers, we can generate 1000 referrals all by ourselves. Won’t you join me by making a pledge to refer one person to another person this week? It’s equally as valuable to ask for a referral during the week, too, so if you need something all you have to do is ask. I, for one, am happy to oblige.

How often have you said, “I just don’t have enough time to…”? Or, “there just aren’t enough hours in the day”? You’ve got a lot to do, I’ve got a lot to do, Aunt Tilly has a lot to do. Add in the grim financial realities many of us face, and not only is there not enough time — but there’s not enough money.

Let me expose you to a bit of counter-intuitive thinking. When you lack time or money to get stuff done, what’s the best thing you can possibly do? No, you can’t squeeze three more hours out of the day. Nice try.

No, when you don’t have enough time or money, the thing to do is to delegate. To outsource the thing that takes up your time and attention so you can free up the time to focus on making money.

Sure, this is clear if you’re a business owner — I get someone to take care of my taxes, for instance, so I can use that time to sell more services. But it’s just as true that salaried people need to delegate. When you delegate, you make the space to focus on your priorities. And when you make progress on your priorities (and do what your boss thinks is important), you’ll perform at the top of your game, leading to raises, bonuses and promotions.

And the best part of delegating is getting great help — finding someone experienced and trustworthy and talented — to take some of your load off. That’s the point of asking for a referral, by the way.

Little niggling voice: “But I should do it all myself. I’m going to look weak if I delegate. People like me don’t hire people to do work we can do ourselves.” Go ahead. Hold onto that mindset. And continue to lack enough time or enough money. Your choice.

When it’s humming on all cylinders, the referral game goes both ways. I benefit when someone refers me work, and I benefit when I refer work to others. How? I have to tell you, when I give a recommendation to someone — “here, hire this person. You won’t be sorry” — there’s no feeling like it in the world. It sparks a recognition in me that I live in a great, generous place where good things happen for me, and I help good things happen for others. Goes a long way toward zapping those nasty Recession Blues.

Yep, I thoroughly love making referrals and I’m going to be making gobs of them this week. Got some time? I think I’m going to be referring you.

The Absence Of Perfect – Part 2

Back in 2007, I wrote about what to do in the Absence Of Perfect. What do you do when the perfect solution you have in mind is just not gonna happen?

You can hold on to your idea of “perfect” or, as I suggest, you can ask yourself, “what’s my best option right now?”

There’s so much uncertainty in life these days, and just like you I’m feeling it. In my perfect world, everyone who wanted a job would have a good one. We’d all make our mortgage payments and guys like Bernie Madoff would be responsible stewards of other people’s money.

Yep, in my perfect world, you and I wouldn’t worry about paying for food, or juggling bills, or managing prescriptions, or getting shingles replaced on the roof because there would always be enough of everything for everyone.

A Michele-ian utopia.

But right now perfect is not happening.

So what’s our best option? Well, we could wallow, which is an oft-chosen yet quite unproductive option, or we could do something. I, as you regular readers can imagine, am taking the “do something” approach:

1. Honoring my priorities — which means mortgage, mortgage, mortgage. It’s my intention to pay it first, and attend to other obligations from there. Prioritizing my mortgage means that I am also watching refinancing opportunities like a hawk, and will jump just as soon as I possibly can. This works for me as I plan to stay in my house indefinitely. Well, at least until my kids can get in-state tuition at one of the great universities in Virginia. Or until the Redskins win another Super Bowl. Didn’t I say “indefinitely”?

2. Take on no new debt — which means no big spending. I’d been considering post-graduate studies, and that is now officially on hold. Here’s my rule of thumb: If I can pay for it fully in cash, or pay it off in three months, I will do it. If not, I’m shoving it to the back burner.

3. Pay down my debt — which may mean that I don’t have as much cash on hand as the so-called experts suggest but when I have less debt, I will have more cash flow, allowing me to build up my cash reserves quickly. Feels right to me.

4. Doing what I can to increase my income — which means I’ve developed some great new programs. I have The Results Club for job seekers with my colleague Christina Brandt – a phenomenally gifted Master Coach — and we’re working together on a useful e-book called Finding a Job 2.0. I’m also working with Pam Slim, an insightful and humorous writer and Master Coach, to launch Kick-Ass Mentoring this week, which will help coaches move from stuck to success. Both of these programs are so good that I get goose bumps. All these efforts will (cross your fingers) bring in revenue and more easily help me attend to numbers 1-3 above.

Oh, I hear you. You government employees, corporate citizens, teachers and other blokes who have steady employment — “How can I make more money? I’m on a salary.” Yes, you are. And you can be like the happy young teacher I met the other day, who is working as a waitress on the weekends, AND creating memorable art-themed birthday parties for kids in her spare time around classes. Quite the go-getter.

The question for you may be, How can you go get? What can you do? I’m telling you — I feel good that I’m doing something. I have a plan. I have priorities. Which is my best option, given that so much is beyond my control.

If you’re freaked out about what’s happening now — if your reality of layoffs and tight budgets doesn’t meet your idea of perfection — then take a little step back and ask yourself, “OK, what’s my best option here?” What can you do?

Living on the Contribution Side

On Friday, I had a little issue. Big wind storm. Cable out, internet out, phone out. Followed the maze of my provider’s complicated customer service system only to find out that the problem was not with them, but with me. Turns out I had a surge, knocking out the power to the main box.

OK. Called an electrical repair firm that has done work with me before. Asked if someone could come out that day to repair the problematic power outlet. Simple enough request, huh?

Uh-uh. No, the young receptionist quickly told me three different reasons why she didn’t want my business. One: “We don’t do anything with phones.” (You’re not listening. It’s not my phone, it’s a power outlet.) Two: “We don’t work in your area today.” (Your office is half a mile from my house.) And, Three, after I succinctly asked, “So, you’re telling me that there is no possible way to get someone out to my house today?”: “Well, you wouldn’t want to pay the emergency rate.” (Her tone said, “Only idiots would pay that.”)

Yes, as a matter of fact I am exactly the kind of idiot who will consider the emergency rate. Which was $97. About $30 more than a regular visit.

Worth it to me.

Maybe not worth it to her.

It’s that idea — “I wouldn’t, so why would you?” — that keeps us from opportunities. It reflects a lack of confidence, maybe. Or a lack of appreciation. Or it’s a self-esteem thing. Or a self-centeredness thing. Regardless, there’s a fear there, and it’s probably the fear of being told no.

If I say, “You wouldn’t want to…” and you end up taking my suggestion — why, you’re actually agreeing with me. Ha, ha! I win!

But I really lose. I lose a customer, I lose a job, I lose confidence.

I seem to be doing a lot of work these days prepping people for job interviews and performance appraisals. Imagine going into one of these settings and saying, “You wouldn’t want to hire me, would you?” Or, “You don’t want to promote me, do you?” But if you have the idea “I wouldn’t hire/promote me” in your mind, you utterly telegraph that losing message. And you don’t get hired, or promoted. You just stay stuck.

Yet this is how many people approach life. Negative rather than positive. Subtraction rather than contribution.

Let me tell you, living life on the contribution side — focusing solely on how you can help in the given situation — fundamentally shifts everything.

Can you imagine what it would have been like if that young receptionist had listened carefully and said, “Sounds like you need an electrician. Our regular appointments are all booked up today, but we have an emergency system that might just be perfect for you. It’s just $30 more for the first half hour, and I could send someone over after 4pm. How’s that sound?”

See how she might have made it easy for me? See how she could have told me how she could fix my problem, rather than focus on how she couldn’t?

It’s all a matter of attitude. And language that clearly states how you can help. How are you doing on that? If you find yourself living in the negative, come on over to the contribution side. It’s nice here.

Because when you live on the contribution side, you make it easy for people to work with you, and to like you. And to pay you. When you live on the contribution side, you are focusing on what can happen, rather than what can’t.

When you live on the contribution side, life becomes about opening rather than closing. And know what’s opening? It’s you. You’re opening to good things happening in your life. And you can start today by simply asking yourself how can you contribute. And then, go ahead and do it.

Christmagical


I have the most fabulous teenaged daughter. Sure, she turned to me recently — we were at the Gap and I was singing along with Mick Jagger, doing my best version of the White Woman’s Boogie — and asked, “Were you born embarrassing?” OK, I don’t hold that against her. She’s almost thirteen. She’s supposed to find me utterly embarrassing. It’s her job.

She’s on the cusp of a life passage — less child, more woman. As a result, she sees things from both perspectives. Both wise and wondering.

The other day as we turned a corner we spied lavish and ornate Christmas decorations. She exclaimed with the absolute delight of a child, “Mom, it’s Christmagical!”

Would that we all could look at this time of year as magical. But it’s hard, isn’t it? So much to do. Get a tree. Get it off the car, into the house and on the stand. Haul out the decorations. Well, first you have to find them among the clutter you piled over them in the last twelve months. And buy a new package of those little hooks. Decorate the tree. Get gifts. Special, meaningful, perfect gifts. Wrap said gifts. Mail gifts. Shop for food. Cook food. Bake cookies.

Don’t get me started on The Christmas Card Process. Or How To Fake Holiday Cheer To Get Through Yet Another Christmas Party.

Adult life is not very Christmagical.

This is the point where I could write about The True Meaning of Christmas, but I’ll leave that to Linus (A Charlie Brown Christmas really says it all).

No, I’m going to say this: to really experience the fullness of everything Christmagical you just have to do one thing. You have to be open to unconditional receiving.

You have to be able to turn a corner and gasp because the decorations you see are so beautiful.

You have to allow yourself to tear up when you hear Vanessa Williams sing “Go Tell It On The Mountain.”

You need to get to the place where you accept whatever’s offered you with grace, and kindness, and an acknowledgment that other people are probably doing the best they can.

You have to be willing to let this great big, loving world we live in penetrate your grown up shell, and lift your heart.

You have to remember what it was like to be almost thirteen at Christmas. Remember what it was like to straddle childhood and adulthood — and allow yourself hold on to the best of both in your life, right now.

That’s when you will receive the greatest Christmas gift possible. And, it will be truly Christmagical.

It will be, quite simply, a very merry Christmas.

The Power of You


There’s a quote I particularly love… do you know it?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”(Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love)

When I work with people — whether they’re looking for a job, or trying to do the job they have better, whether they have a big decision to make or a crisis to handle — they focus on where they feel weak. Time after time I see people stuck and wallowing in their deficit, when the only solution is to stand in their strengths.

To allow themselves to be powerful beyond measure.

What do I mean? How do you shift from a position of weakness to strength?

It’s not waiting for someone else to give you permission to do what’s best for you.

It’s saying what you need to say — including the word “no” — rather than what you’re expected to say.

It’s doing more of what you’re good at and that you like, rather than doing things that sap you.

It’s about knowing, deeply, yourself and loving everything about you. Even the extra pounds, the bad hair days, the annoying habits, the fear. ‘Cuz once you love that about yourself, you are open to loving it about others.

When you stand in your power, you become powerful beyond measure. I’m not talking about the kind of power that gives you dominion over others or makes you rich or famous. I’m talking about the kind of power that makes you clear. Happy. Certain. Authentic.

I’m talking about the power that you already have inside you. I’m talking about The Power of You.

It’s right there inside you — all your strengths, gifts and talents. All you have to do is use them. Every day. And you will profoundly change your life.