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CYA

April 10, 2011 By 1 Comment





“What if,” I asked myself this week, “what if one person could fundamentally change an organization by simply demonstrating integrity?”

Can you imagine?  An organization built on integrity?

No lying about the product or its benefits, or subterfuge on where a non-profit spends its money.

No cheating on quality or tax returns.  No cheating while on the road.

No stealing someone’s idea and claiming it as the company’s own. No stealing from pension funds. No stealing steaks out the back door of the restaurant.

No fudging about how much radioactive water is gushing into the Pacific.  No fuzzy rhetoric on the federal budget.

Imagine.

People would be predictable.  They’d be honorable.  They’d say what they mean. They’d lead from strength rather than fear. They’d make good decisions and they’d succeed.

And if there was a problem, they’d own up to it and deal with it.  Because they’d handle it from confidence rather than frantic CYA.

You might call this pie in the sky.  But I know different.

See, I have not always been a person of integrity. This is not an easy thing to admit.  In my younger years, I often said one thing and did another.  I struggled to keep confidences.  My talk and my walk were out of sync. I would say yes when I meant no, and no when I meant yes.

I fudged. I was unpredictable.  I dodged.  I integrated CYAing. I totally CYAed for my bosses.

I lied.  I cheated.  I stole.

And just writing that makes me wince.  And want to stop typing and go have a sugary treat.  And/or bourbon.

But what I know about this time of my life is this:  I was miserable. I worked in miserable places.  And I imagine I sowed the seeds of miserablity everywhere I went.

Fortunately, I had a few hard knocks, grew up and finally figured out that I could simply decide to be the kind of person I wanted to be.

So I did.

Who did I aspire to be?  Someone who:

  • Was accountable for my decisions
  • Explained clearly and without blame when I changed my mind
  • Was reliable
  • Was consistent
  • Told the truth
  • Lived the truth
  • Honored my values
  • Was comfortable in my own skin

More pie in the sky?  Let me tell you, at first this took constant, continuing consciousness.  It was almost as if I stopped myself every moment and asked, “Is this how I want to be in the world?” If the answer was no, or I felt even the slightest bit icky, I chose the integrity path.

Which sometimes required courage. And difficult conversations. And no small measure of uncomfortableness.

Like when you break any habit.

Just imagine for a minute. What if organizations broke the CYA habit, and shifted to an integrity model? If just one person dropped the miserable fear and stood up to integrity in that non-profit, or that corporation, or that family-owned business, or that church, or that temple, or that government office – can you imagine?  She might inspire one other person to start living his integrity.  And another. And another.  And pretty soon, there would be no more CYA.

There would simply be no need.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

Freedom’s Twin Brother

July 4, 2010 By Leave a Comment



Freedom is a precious, precious thing, bought with tears, with blood, with lives.  We’ll fight wars for autonomy.  Immigrants will travel the seas for independence. People will die for liberty.

I adore my personal freedoms, and will go to my grave supporting your right to have your own, too.  It’s just that important.

But freedom has a twin brother, without whom freedom cannot exist.

And his name is courage.

Yes, courage is often what you think it is – facing down the gun barrel of an enemy and moving forward despite the risk.  Courage is racing into a burning building to save lives.  Courage is heroic, and in the moment, and the kind of thing we witness and say, “wow.”

But there is courage, sometimes, in just waking up.  In breathing.  In continuing to live.  In choosing integrity. Day after day, despite the risks, being your best self.  Making the small but tough choices.  Teaching your children well.

Today, I will celebrate freedom.  And I will also laud courage.  Because when one is tested, both are tried.

Courage and freedom – hand in hand, building this country.  And, every day, building our lives.

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Broken For You

March 23, 2008 By 3 Comments



Sometimes you read a book at precisely the right time for precisely the right reason, and take away precisely the right message. So it was for me and the book Broken For You by Stephanie Kallos.

It’s the story of people who attempt to hide their brokenness by changing their names, taking on fruitless quests, hiding in lonely isolation or liberally using Guarnier Nutrisse Conditioning Color Masque Number 68.

Wanda Schultz has too many cracks to count. The product of a broken home, she begins fixing things at age six in a canny effort to fit in at her adoptive aunt and uncle’s home. As an adult, she chooses a “fixing” career, too, becoming a professional stage manager, fixing productions, actors, props and sets. The more she tries to ignore her brokenness the more cracks and fissures grow until, literally, her body is shattered and she must come to terms with her authentic self.

Margaret Hughes lives alone in a mansion, among the ghosts of people and things that once held so much meaning but also so much guilt. When Margaret opens her house to boarders — Wanda is the first — she finds the glue to mend her fractured life and let go of her paralyzing guilt and shame.

How many of us spend an inordinate amount of energy hiding our broken places? Pretending they don’t exist? We seek out the healing adhesive we think can be found in that one person, that one experience, that one surgical procedure, that one elusive Holy Grail of Something that will make us perfect, and make our troublesome pasts disappear. Yet, it’s only in accepting our broken places and applying a little grout and glue, that we are able to accept the authentic, happy mosaic of our lives.

From the book: “Look then at the faces and bodies of people you love. The explicit beauty that comes not from smoothness of skin or neutrality of expression, but from the web of experience that has left its mark. Each face, each body is its own living fossilized record. A record of cats, combatants, difficult births; of accidents, cruelties, blessings. Reminders of folly, greed, indiscretion, impatience. A moment of time, of memory, preserved, internalized and enshrined within and upon the body. You need not be told that these records are what render your beloved beautiful. If God exists, He is there, in the small cast-off pieces, rough and random and no two alike.”

Beauty, then, has nothing to do with age, or position, or value, or perfection. Beauty lies in the ability to look fearlessly at your own broken spots, mend them and make a new creation. Beauty comes when you allow others to know you for exactly who you are — chipped, cracked, fractured — and whole despite your broken places.

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Independence Day

July 1, 2007 By Leave a Comment


This is the week that we in America celebrate our independence. It was in 1776 that a courageous group of men listed the colonies’ grievances against the King of Britain, carefully building a case for all this paragraph holds:

“We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. – And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.”

The 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence risked treason — the penalty for which was hanging. Benjamin Franklin adroitly punned that punishment when he remarked to some anxious signers, “We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

These men were willing to risk their lives for freedom. And on this Independence Day, let’s remember their courage and commitment, and be grateful for it.

A few years ago, I visited the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. On just one day — December 7, 1941 — 1,177 crew members lost their lives when the ship went down in a direct act of war. Today, if you visit the memorial, you can still see oil bubbling up from below — and you can still feel the spirit of those who gave their all that day.

In all of World War II, some 407,000 Americans were killed in combat. In Korea, 36,940 were lost. In Vietnam, 58,486 gave their lives. In Desert Storm, 255 died. And, to date, in Afghanistan and Iraq, 3,965 Americans have fallen.

And, over 88,000 Americans are still listed as Missing In Action from these wars. Eighty-eight thousand husbands, wives, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers. Loved ones, all.

This Independence Day, let’s take a moment to thank all who have served, all who have died — those who are still missing, and the families and communities who have loved, supported, and, too often, buried, our soldiers.

Today, America still produces men and women — much in the spirit of the Founders — who are willing to risk their lives for freedom. And on this Independence Day, let’s remember their courage and commitment, and be grateful for it.

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