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Hope.

August 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

There are people who will tell you that hope is not a strategy.  And I completely understand that perspective, especially when I hear my mother’s voice in my ear saying, “Wishin’ don’t make it so” (and she would throw on her twangiest twang as she said it, too).

But hope can be a powerful, powerful thing – especially when it’s tied to a really clear vision of the future.

Have you got hopes?  Could you make a list of them? A list of your dreams?  Your vision of the future?

I know I can.

I hope I’m healthy into my old age.

But wishin’ don’t make it so, does it?

What do I have to do to make my hope a reality?

Feed myself nourishing foods, get moderate exercise, see the doctor from time to time, have friends, enjoy myself.

Looking at it that way, doesn’t getting older seem like a ton of fun?

I hope I’m financially secure throughout my life.

Again, wishin’ ain’t gonna fill up my bank account.  So what do I need to do?

Work smart, invest well, save responsibly, spend reasonably.

[I like that - especially the work smart part.]

I hope I’m always connected to engaged, happy, fun, caring people.

Well, to be connected with engaged, happy, fun, caring people, I need to make sure that I’m engaged, happy, fun and caring myself.

You never get what you aren’t willing to give, do you?

The exciting prospect is that to achieve this I get to keep learning new things, doing new things, meeting new people.  I also get to be open, and vulnerable, and nurturing.

Now, that sounds like a wonderful way to live.

I hope my children are happy adults.

You know what?  I’m going to take that back. Let me be more specific.

I hope my children are good partners.  Good parents.  Good neighbors.  Good friends.  I hope they find meaningful work.  I hope they remain in touch with their own resilience.

I hope they find joy.

I hope they have hope.

Because hope is a vision of how the future might be.

How our lives could possibly be if we just line up square behind that hope and make it a reality.

Just like rock breaks scissors, darlings, hope squashes fear.

We hope we can, so we do.

Like magic.

Hope, when it’s backed up by steps toward a vision of your own creation – yes, in that case, hoping sure does make it so.

 

[photo credit:  Michele Woodward]

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment

Confidence vs. Fear

June 11, 2011 By 5 Comments



Fear is the anticipation of future failure.

Confidence is the anticipation of future success.

So which do you choose?

[bang.]

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , 5 Comments

Decide. Ask. Receive.

May 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Wrapped around the axle. Stressed. Unsure. Totally stuck.

Unhappy.

Yearning.

Is there a path out?

Yep. There is. And it’s:

Decide what you want.

Ask for it clearly.

Prepare to receive it.

Simple, huh? But, sorry to say, not that easy. You’ve got to do a little work.

For some of you, even saying “decide what you want” makes you break out in hives. Deciding is not altogether comfortable for some folks, especially my people-pleasing friends (hey, girls!). “What if I make a decision that makes people unhappy?” “What if people laugh at my choice?” “What if people think I’m selfish?”

To my people-pleasing friends, who I love and adore, I will ask: Sweetheart, who knows you better than you? Who’s more an expert on you, than you? When you abdicate your decision-making to others, what are you really saying?

Are you really saying you don’t know what’s in your own heart?

We know that’s not true.

I believe you always know what you want. Deep in that darling beating heart, you know. It’s when you’re moving your desire out of your chest into the world that you get off track. You get all self-doubt-y, don’t you? You get squishy. And you hold the desire back.

You hold yourself back.

Believe it or not, I was once in this situation. I know, right? Hard to fathom, but there you have it.

When I made decisions, I was berated, laughed and and penalized. So I sorta, kinda stopped making choices and having preferences. And when I finally realized that I was so unhappy trying to be a complacent concept of who I “should be” – I had to change. Had to. To survive. And I started in smallish kinds of ways (which you can try, too). I started saying, “I’d prefer Thai food for lunch.” Surprisingly, that was hard. I tried saying, “I want to see that Johnny Depp film.” And, over time I got to the big one: I started saying, “no”.

Over time, by making these little statements of preference, I reacquainted myself with…my self. And deciding became a whole lot easier.

It can be that way for you, too.

So, decide what you really want and move on to the next thing: Ask for it clearly.

Again, asking clearly is fraught with challenge for some people (how you doin’, girls?). Recently, a client told me a story you might appreciate: Her boss announced his departure. Several people within the organization approached my client asking if she’d join their department. She had many conversations and was still mulling when one guy announced she was joining his team. “I never agreed!” she said. I asked, “Did you clearly say you needed time? Did you say no?” Sheepish silence. “Well, not clearly, I guess.” As we worked through her part of the conversation, she realized that she hadn’t wanted to disappoint, so hadn’t been as clear as she could have been.

She’ll do it differently next time.

Which is, of course, the promise of clarity.

OK, you’ve done the hard work of deciding what you want and you have asked for it clearly – what does it mean to prepare to receive it?

Just that. Be ready. Keep an eye out. Watch.

Because what you want may come to you in a completely different form than you expect.

You may ask for a raise, and get a whole new job. In a whole new field. You might ask for a boyfriend, and get a husband. A really wonderful man. You might ask for a break – just a freakin’ break – and get a new friend who totally has your back. Forever.

Friends, that’s the way it works.

Decide. Ask. Receive.

Go ahead, give it a try.

Is that your heart I hear calling?

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment

Trusting The Wait

April 24, 2011 By 2 Comments


Sometimes you just don’t know.

Sometimes you have to wait.

With your senses alert and your intuition set to Receive.

Thus, you walk through your day absorbing, absorbing, absorbing. Listening. Learning.

But still waiting.

Until, one day (one happy day), whatever it is that’s coming is just a little bit more clear.

[What a relief.]

And you take that little opening, that small guidance, and you make something of it.

Unless, of course, you don’t. Because you might think it’s too small.

Or, you might not notice. Or, you might notice and think that it can’t possibly be an opening.

Because an opening should look a certain way. And we can’t recognize something that looks different from what we expect.

Yes, your opening may surprise you. And right there – that’s your opportunity.

So if you’ve waited, and you’ve watched, and you’re really ready to receive…trust it.

Walk through the door that opens for you.

Whatever it looks like.

It’ll be worth the wait.

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , 2 Comments

Success Breeds Success

March 13, 2011 By 2 Comments




One of the most intriguing things I’ve learned as an executive coach is this: The more successful you are, the more successful you get.

Because when you’re successful, people see your success and your confidence, they’re drawn to it, and opportunities arise. The more opportunities you have, the greater your chance of success. And so the cycle repeats.

I like using the word Slipstream to describe this flow of success. Some might call it The Zone. Others Alignment or The Vortex. Or you literary types might call it The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

Whatever it’s called, you sure know it when you’re there. It’s getting there that’s the difficulty, isn’t it?

Don’t worry – I can help with that.  Want to know the secrets of getting into the Slipstream? Lean in close, now – there are just two things you need to know:

Believe you deserve to be successful.

and

Dare to take a stand.

Let’s take those two keys one at a time.

It’s amazing to me the number of people who are not successful simply because they believe they can’t be.  They say things like, “People like me never…” and “My parents couldn’t…” and “I didn’t go to the right school so…”  They focus so much on what’s lacking that they can’t see what they’ve got.

In London’s subway system, there’s a simple message painted on the floor:  Mind The Gap.  It’s meant as a warning that there’s a space between the platform and the train which could be hazardous.  So, too, believing in yourself requires minding the gap – the gap between here and now.  The gap between can and can’t.  The gap in your idea of who you think you are and who you can be.

It’s sad to watch people get a taste of success and immediately implode because “success” is not how they see themselves.  They have a vision of themselves as: Struggling. Striving. Oppressed.  Success completely throws them off the rails, and they immediately sabotage themselves just so they can go back to what’s familiar and comfortable, which is:  Struggling. Striving. Oppressed.

However, the most successful people I know believe in their own capacity to do well.  Regardless of where they went to school, or who their parents were, or whether they’ve had cancer, or how much credit card debt they once had.  They allow themselves to be successful because they know they have a right to create what they want for themselves.

And they do.

Now, the second key:  Dare to take a stand.  The other morning I heard an interview with designer Tom Ford who said that most brilliant design is the result of a bold vision, a unique statement.  All successful design stands for something.

And he’s right. Whether you’re making art, looking for a job, starting a business or growing a career – remember this: You’ve got to take a stand. You have to be known for something.

Allow yourself to be memorable.

Why? Taking a stand is kinda risky, right? OK, you know Donald Trump? Like him or loathe him, every time Trump says, “You’re fired!”, he’s actually taking a stand. A stand which reflects his beliefs, his experience, and his vision for the future. And, subsequently, he’s known for being tough, straightforward and even more successful.

So how can you start believing in yourself? Take a stand? Create your own success? Get into the Slipstream?

Let me know what you’re thinking about this. Because I believe in your success.

That, my friend, is the stand I’m taking.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , , 2 Comments
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