Meaning & Purpose Made Plain

photo: Michele Woodward via Instagram

 

 

 

I know your life’s purpose. In fact I know the purpose of every human on this planet, because I believe we all share the same one.

Your life’s purpose is to be a force for good in the world. That’s it. That’s all.

And you get meaning from the way you choose to create good.

So, a nurse is doing good by healing patients. She finds meaning by making sure they get the right medications at  right time, making sure they have what they need and are comfortable.

An investment broker who approaches her work with the idea that she’s going to help her clients plan for a successful retirement can find meaning in creating the right portfolio, the right risk mix. She might even find meaning in teaching people how to finally relate better to their money, so they can reach their goals.

A guy working in a bowling alley can feel an enormous sense of purpose in running a clean, well-functioning set of lanes that allow people to exercise, socialize and be part of a community. So even re-setting the pins can be deeply meaningful, if it allows all of that good stuff to continue.

See?

Purpose: To do good.

Meaning: How you choose to do good.

Now, there are three things that can interfere with meaning and purpose. First, is fear. If you have the idea in your head that the only way to stay safe is to be really, really, really rich, and believe that there is no money in “doing good”, you are going to serve the fear and take the highest paying job possible, regardless. You might work in a large investment house where you make multiple on-paper deals which generate on-paper profits that merely get shared among the partners. In this case, you are only working to allay the fear, rather than to do good – catch that? – and life can feel very shallow and unfulfilled.

But a solution exists. You shift to doing good while in a similar job – maybe handle investments for a state’s retirement program, maybe commit some earnings to support a charity, maybe mentor some kid who could use a break. But you have to move out of fear and into doing good to get that deep sense of purpose and meaning which are missing.

The second thing that hampers your move toward purpose is The Killer “Should”. As in, “I should be a doctor/lawyer/Indian chief because that’s what my parents are/want for me/expect.” The problem is that if you are only doing whatever you’re doing to please others, it’s likely that doesn’t feel good – right at your core. Enter nasty habits like passive aggressiveness, self-sabotage and feeling like a fraud.

Again, the only way to turn this situation around is to look at where you can best be a force for good in the world. Where do you need to be to do good? Then do it. Whatever it takes.

And the Great Wall of China standing between you and your purpose might be your ego. Your ego may be sweet talking you that the purpose of life is to be admired, loved, maybe even put on a pedestal. You know you are put on this earth to do something great. Really great. But doing good is really secondary to your true mission – being loved and admired. Which is why the sometime hard work of doing good feels so empty. You don’t necessarily feel the love when you’re reviewing spreadsheets all by yourself, do you?

The key is to simply shift. Put doing good first, and then you may find that your ego gets everything it needs from the result of all you create.

Time after time, I see people suffering from working in a place that doesn’t work for them. They feel burned out, and unsure. It’s like the air’s been knocked out by a sucker punch and they don’t know how to get back on their feet.

The quickest way, the most fulfilling way, the happiest way, is to start asking yourself: “Did I do good today?” And knowing that you’ll be asking that question, tackle things that will allow you to say, “Yes.  Yes, I did.”

And if you work in a place where it’s impossible to do any good at all, whatsoever, get yourself to a new place where you can. Don’t wait.

You can thank me later. When you happily find that you are living your purpose every day with a deep sense of meaning.

Hope.

There are people who will tell you that hope is not a strategy.  And I completely understand that perspective, especially when I hear my mother’s voice in my ear saying, “Wishin’ don’t make it so” (and she would throw on her twangiest twang as she said it, too).

But hope can be a powerful, powerful thing – especially when it’s tied to a really clear vision of the future.

Have you got hopes?  Could you make a list of them? A list of your dreams?  Your vision of the future?

I know I can.

I hope I’m healthy into my old age.

But wishin’ don’t make it so, does it?

What do I have to do to make my hope a reality?

Feed myself nourishing foods, get moderate exercise, see the doctor from time to time, have friends, enjoy myself.

Looking at it that way, doesn’t getting older seem like a ton of fun?

I hope I’m financially secure throughout my life.

Again, wishin’ ain’t gonna fill up my bank account.  So what do I need to do?

Work smart, invest well, save responsibly, spend reasonably.

[I like that - especially the work smart part.]

I hope I’m always connected to engaged, happy, fun, caring people.

Well, to be connected with engaged, happy, fun, caring people, I need to make sure that I’m engaged, happy, fun and caring myself.

You never get what you aren’t willing to give, do you?

The exciting prospect is that to achieve this I get to keep learning new things, doing new things, meeting new people.  I also get to be open, and vulnerable, and nurturing.

Now, that sounds like a wonderful way to live.

I hope my children are happy adults.

You know what?  I’m going to take that back. Let me be more specific.

I hope my children are good partners.  Good parents.  Good neighbors.  Good friends.  I hope they find meaningful work.  I hope they remain in touch with their own resilience.

I hope they find joy.

I hope they have hope.

Because hope is a vision of how the future might be.

How our lives could possibly be if we just line up square behind that hope and make it a reality.

Just like rock breaks scissors, darlings, hope squashes fear.

We hope we can, so we do.

Like magic.

Hope, when it’s backed up by steps toward a vision of your own creation – yes, in that case, hoping sure does make it so.

 

[photo credit:  Michele Woodward]

Confidence vs. Fear



Fear is the anticipation of future failure.

Confidence is the anticipation of future success.

So which do you choose?

[bang.]

It’s Hard (At The Beginning)











Sometimes we don’t even want to start.  Because we know it will be hard.

Maybe too hard.

Maybe we’ll fail.

So we don’t start.

At all.

We live in perpetual waiting – waiting for the time that doing the thing won’t be hard at all.

Sometimes that’s a long time to wait. Feels like forever.

Forever is a long time. But now is right here.

So, take a deep breath. Let’s acknowledge that it can be hard at the beginning.

But then it gets easier.

Like when you took your first wobbly walk.  What if your parents said, “Now, walking is hard. You can fall and hurt yourself. Why don’t you wait until you can do it flawlessly?”

But they didn’t say that, did they?  They applauded your every step, and probably snapped your picture a time or two. And called Grandma to crow about you and your success.

You smiled your drooly smile and kept going.

And at some point, you could run.

And it wasn’t hard.

It was fun.

That’s still the promise.

Keep going.  Even when it’s hard.  You’re learning, you’re figuring it out.

And, soon, you’ll be running, effortlessly.

Free.

August, 2000: Ten Years Gone






Exactly ten years ago – August, 2000 – I took my then 7 year old son Munroe on a mother-son trip to New York City.  It was so fun, and something we’d planned and anticipated for months. We took the train from Washington, DC to Penn Station.  We stayed in a swanky apartment near the Empire State Building.  He put on a blue blazer and a necktie and we went to one and a half Broadway shows (the second show had “way too much dancing” so we sneaked out at intermission). We rode the subway and ate numerous hotdogs loaded with ketchup at Nathan’s.

One of the highlights of our trip was a visit to our friend David Bloom on the Today Show set.  Munroe had asked, “When we’re in New York, can we see Mr. Bloom?”  See, David and his wife Melanie had twin daughters who were a year ahead of my son in school.  We’d gotten friendly, and when David got the Today Show job and they moved to New York, we stayed in touch.  I called David and asked if we could come see him – “Sure!” was his response, and he told me where to go and what to do.

2000 was such a different world from 2010.  When we got to Rockefeller Plaza that Sunday, Munroe and I simply walked in a side door – no security – and almost right on to the set.  A fellow in a headset asked if he could help, we said, “We’re friends of David’s” and were escorted right into the studio.  When Munroe caught David’s eye, the affable anchor shot him a wave and at the next commercial break, we were shown around the place.

David was a goof in the best possible sense of the word.  He treated Munroe like he was a guest on the show and made him giggle with a bit of silliness.  David smiled every time Munroe called him “Mr. Bloom” – I got the sense that David was never “Mr. Bloom” within earshot of the cameramen and electricians in the crew.  He delighted in having us there.

Michele and David Bloom August 2000It was an absolute treat.

Thinking back on that trip makes me realize how much has changed in the past 10 years.

David Bloom died covering the war in Iraq in 2003.

Melanie Bloom has created powerful public awareness about the dangers of deep vein thrombosis – and happily remarried a lovely man who had also been widowed.

I got divorced, became a coach and wrote two books.pictures pre-2002 153

And the 7 year old boy who smiled on the Today Show set is now driving, shaving, and thinking about college.

Had you asked me in August, 2000, “What will your life be like in August, 2010?” I would have never envisioned this life I have now.

This life I love now.

So, I know this:  You cannot predict what the future may hold.

You cannot hold back change.

You don’t know if death or catastrophe will come to you – and you can’t live your life fearful of that possibility.

All you can do – all you need to do – is get the most out of who you are, where you are.

Take your kid on a trip. Call up a friend. Enjoy your life.  Giggle.

Because who knows what the world will look like in 2020.