Whoa.

Whoa.

This week I said, “Whoa” more than once. And, curiously, each time the word took on a different meaning.

“Whoa”, rather short and sharp, when I learned something new. Kinda stopped me in my tracks as the dots connected themselves and suddenly I had a new understanding of a thing previously less understood.

You know that kind of whoa.

I also said an exclamatory, “Whoa!” when a guy cut me off in traffic. Whoa, as in, “Sheesh, what are you thinking? Doofus.” OK, I might have used a different epithet. I will leave my precise word choice to your imagination.

“Whoa,” was on my lips when my 15 year old daughter came down the stairs in a new outfit, hair done, ready to go to a party. That was a rather long, drawn-out whooooooa, expressing “OMG, how beautiful you are!” combined with a measure of “wasn’t she just four years old a minute ago?”

I said a brief and surprised “whoa” under my breath a conference this week when I realized the caliber of the influential women in the room – women who are committed to helping other women succeed.

I’m telling you – it was a Whoa Week, people.

Which is a really great thing because I’ve found:

Whoa leads to wonder.

Wonder.  Yes, even with the doofus who cut me off in traffic.  Really.  In that moment, it was wonderful to be alive, unharmed, and able to ease on down the road.

The is the Way of Whoa.

Doesn’t that just make you want to say… whoa?

I know what you’re feeling.  So let me ask you this: Do you say “whoa” enough?  Feel that “whoa” feeling frequently?

You know what I’m talking about – that moment of discovery.  The complete awareness of your own edges and boundaries.  The epiphany of spying something beautiful.  That delicious moment of realization that something truly wonderful is happening.

Whether you’re at work, or at home or somewhere in-between, my friends, say whoa and lift yourself out of the hurry, bustle and go-go-go of everyday life.

Walk the Way of Whoa.

Enjoy.

Discover.

Wonder.

Today has got to be your day to say whoa.

 

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

Happy Dude’s Day

I love men.

I love teenage guys with their fierce self assertion. I like 20-something guys whose eyes shine bright with discovery. Men in their 30s, with a baby in a sling on their chest – dig ‘em. Forty year old guys who coach Little League with that perfect recipe of toughness and pats on the fanny – nice! I absolutely adore men in their 50s, with their deep understanding of the world and how they fit into it. Men in their 60s, 70s, 80s – the frisky devils! I can’t wait to sit next to them at a dinner party.

I do love men.

Thanks to my son, my brothers, my dad, my guy friends, I really understand men, and appreciate how different they are. Because they really are. Men just think differently.

Sure there is research that shows that male brains are wired one way and female brains are wired another. And there is research which shows that there is no difference at all.

But from just living, I can tell you – there’s a difference.

And I’m glad there is.

Cuz, as stated before, I get a kick out of men.

Back in 2009, I gave you What Do Men Want?, and in that piece I wrote:

I believe strongly that what men want most from women is safety and deep acceptance. For much of his life, a man may have been told that he’s too smelly, or too dirty, or thinks about sex too much. He’s also told he needs to be in touch with his feelings, talk it out, feed the baby — while he’s being told to be strong, a lone wolf, and eat what he kills.

A man often gets the message that whatever he does, he’s gonna be wrong. Some how, some way, he’s wrong.

But when women provide a safe place for a man to be all the things he is, right and wrong, smelly and sexy, and give him deep acceptance of his quest, then men can fully relax, be authentic, be themselves… and be happy.

I believe that just as strongly today.

Men need space to be men – whatever that looks like for them.

Father’s Day, for both men and women, is a day to be thankful for the men in our lives. And to honor them fully, we must allow them to be who they are – fully.

Utter acceptance. What a gift.

So, let’s make today about totally digging guys, in all their dude-y dude-ness. You in?

Confidence vs. Fear



Fear is the anticipation of future failure.

Confidence is the anticipation of future success.

So which do you choose?

[bang.]

Yes, You May




Truth be told, I have always loved the month of May. The vibrant colors, the longer days, the sunshine warming up the world.

Darling May is obviously our reward for enduring dismal February.

But as a play on words, May brings a whole other set of opportunities. A plethora of possibilities.

Because it’s called “may”, as is, “May I have this seat?” And you sit down next to a very nice person who turns out to be your cousin’s next door neighbor from that time they lived in Texas.

“May I call you later?” And you end up kindling a great romantic relationship.

“May I help?” And the stalled project gets completed.

“May I get you a cup of coffee?” And that simple act of kindness builds a bond between you and the junior staff.

“May I tell you just how wonderful you are?” And you smile back at your own reflection in the mirror.

And feel a little bit of a boost.

Remember those hot afternoons when you’d run to your mother and breathlessly ask, “Can I go over to Joey’s house? They’re having meatloaf for dinner and his mother says I can stay. Can I? Can I? Can I?” And if your mother was like mine, she’d calmly reply, “It’s ‘may’, and, yes, dear, you may.”

This, my dear, is a whole month in which you may.

You may go, or may stay here. You may agree, or may make another decision. You may get out of bed when the alarm sounds. You may lay there for another hour, doing nothing.

You may flirt.

You may start that business. You may go on that job interview. You may hold hands.You may ride your bike.

You may figure out why you’re here, and what you need to do next.

Yes, you may.

See? Oh, the possibilities!

May you enjoy your May.

CYA





“What if,” I asked myself this week, “what if one person could fundamentally change an organization by simply demonstrating integrity?”

Can you imagine?  An organization built on integrity?

No lying about the product or its benefits, or subterfuge on where a non-profit spends its money.

No cheating on quality or tax returns.  No cheating while on the road.

No stealing someone’s idea and claiming it as the company’s own. No stealing from pension funds. No stealing steaks out the back door of the restaurant.

No fudging about how much radioactive water is gushing into the Pacific.  No fuzzy rhetoric on the federal budget.

Imagine.

People would be predictable.  They’d be honorable.  They’d say what they mean. They’d lead from strength rather than fear. They’d make good decisions and they’d succeed.

And if there was a problem, they’d own up to it and deal with it.  Because they’d handle it from confidence rather than frantic CYA.

You might call this pie in the sky.  But I know different.

See, I have not always been a person of integrity. This is not an easy thing to admit.  In my younger years, I often said one thing and did another.  I struggled to keep confidences.  My talk and my walk were out of sync. I would say yes when I meant no, and no when I meant yes.

I fudged. I was unpredictable.  I dodged.  I integrated CYAing. I totally CYAed for my bosses.

I lied.  I cheated.  I stole.

And just writing that makes me wince.  And want to stop typing and go have a sugary treat.  And/or bourbon.

But what I know about this time of my life is this:  I was miserable. I worked in miserable places.  And I imagine I sowed the seeds of miserablity everywhere I went.

Fortunately, I had a few hard knocks, grew up and finally figured out that I could simply decide to be the kind of person I wanted to be.

So I did.

Who did I aspire to be?  Someone who:

  • Was accountable for my decisions
  • Explained clearly and without blame when I changed my mind
  • Was reliable
  • Was consistent
  • Told the truth
  • Lived the truth
  • Honored my values
  • Was comfortable in my own skin

More pie in the sky?  Let me tell you, at first this took constant, continuing consciousness.  It was almost as if I stopped myself every moment and asked, “Is this how I want to be in the world?” If the answer was no, or I felt even the slightest bit icky, I chose the integrity path.

Which sometimes required courage. And difficult conversations. And no small measure of uncomfortableness.

Like when you break any habit.

Just imagine for a minute. What if organizations broke the CYA habit, and shifted to an integrity model? If just one person dropped the miserable fear and stood up to integrity in that non-profit, or that corporation, or that family-owned business, or that church, or that temple, or that government office – can you imagine?  She might inspire one other person to start living his integrity.  And another. And another.  And pretty soon, there would be no more CYA.

There would simply be no need.