Yes, You May




Truth be told, I have always loved the month of May. The vibrant colors, the longer days, the sunshine warming up the world.

Darling May is obviously our reward for enduring dismal February.

But as a play on words, May brings a whole other set of opportunities. A plethora of possibilities.

Because it’s called “may”, as is, “May I have this seat?” And you sit down next to a very nice person who turns out to be your cousin’s next door neighbor from that time they lived in Texas.

“May I call you later?” And you end up kindling a great romantic relationship.

“May I help?” And the stalled project gets completed.

“May I get you a cup of coffee?” And that simple act of kindness builds a bond between you and the junior staff.

“May I tell you just how wonderful you are?” And you smile back at your own reflection in the mirror.

And feel a little bit of a boost.

Remember those hot afternoons when you’d run to your mother and breathlessly ask, “Can I go over to Joey’s house? They’re having meatloaf for dinner and his mother says I can stay. Can I? Can I? Can I?” And if your mother was like mine, she’d calmly reply, “It’s ‘may’, and, yes, dear, you may.”

This, my dear, is a whole month in which you may.

You may go, or may stay here. You may agree, or may make another decision. You may get out of bed when the alarm sounds. You may lay there for another hour, doing nothing.

You may flirt.

You may start that business. You may go on that job interview. You may hold hands.You may ride your bike.

You may figure out why you’re here, and what you need to do next.

Yes, you may.

See? Oh, the possibilities!

May you enjoy your May.

CYA





“What if,” I asked myself this week, “what if one person could fundamentally change an organization by simply demonstrating integrity?”

Can you imagine?  An organization built on integrity?

No lying about the product or its benefits, or subterfuge on where a non-profit spends its money.

No cheating on quality or tax returns.  No cheating while on the road.

No stealing someone’s idea and claiming it as the company’s own. No stealing from pension funds. No stealing steaks out the back door of the restaurant.

No fudging about how much radioactive water is gushing into the Pacific.  No fuzzy rhetoric on the federal budget.

Imagine.

People would be predictable.  They’d be honorable.  They’d say what they mean. They’d lead from strength rather than fear. They’d make good decisions and they’d succeed.

And if there was a problem, they’d own up to it and deal with it.  Because they’d handle it from confidence rather than frantic CYA.

You might call this pie in the sky.  But I know different.

See, I have not always been a person of integrity. This is not an easy thing to admit.  In my younger years, I often said one thing and did another.  I struggled to keep confidences.  My talk and my walk were out of sync. I would say yes when I meant no, and no when I meant yes.

I fudged. I was unpredictable.  I dodged.  I integrated CYAing. I totally CYAed for my bosses.

I lied.  I cheated.  I stole.

And just writing that makes me wince.  And want to stop typing and go have a sugary treat.  And/or bourbon.

But what I know about this time of my life is this:  I was miserable. I worked in miserable places.  And I imagine I sowed the seeds of miserablity everywhere I went.

Fortunately, I had a few hard knocks, grew up and finally figured out that I could simply decide to be the kind of person I wanted to be.

So I did.

Who did I aspire to be?  Someone who:

  • Was accountable for my decisions
  • Explained clearly and without blame when I changed my mind
  • Was reliable
  • Was consistent
  • Told the truth
  • Lived the truth
  • Honored my values
  • Was comfortable in my own skin

More pie in the sky?  Let me tell you, at first this took constant, continuing consciousness.  It was almost as if I stopped myself every moment and asked, “Is this how I want to be in the world?” If the answer was no, or I felt even the slightest bit icky, I chose the integrity path.

Which sometimes required courage. And difficult conversations. And no small measure of uncomfortableness.

Like when you break any habit.

Just imagine for a minute. What if organizations broke the CYA habit, and shifted to an integrity model? If just one person dropped the miserable fear and stood up to integrity in that non-profit, or that corporation, or that family-owned business, or that church, or that temple, or that government office – can you imagine?  She might inspire one other person to start living his integrity.  And another. And another.  And pretty soon, there would be no more CYA.

There would simply be no need.

Forgiveness Poem


My offering for National Poetry Month:

I forgive.

I forgive myself. I said stupid things, did stupid things.

More than once. [Much more than once.]

I did not understand then. I understand now.

I understand the why. I understand the how.

And I understand who I need to be today.

Right now.

Here.

With you.

I forgive you for all of your errors. Even if they caused me pain.

[The suffering was my choice.]

Oh, you had demons.

And demons had you.

Maybe still do.

I honor the lessons I’ve learned.

So I forgive you. And I can even thank you.

[Who would have ever thought that?]

I forgive us, for all the times we think we can heal the whole big planet.

Without first looking to heal ourselves.

I forgive us for our collective fascination with the unimportant [news that isn't news, manufactured drama, featureless fads].

How we let them control our emotions, building a mounting tsunami of anxiety.

I forgive us for allowing ourselves to be swept away.

[And failing to keep an eye on what's really important.]

[Which is love.]

Oh, it’s forgiveness we need. The whole big planet of us.

We know how.

And we know who.

[It's us. To each other. For each other.]

Let’s not make the past hurts present.

Let’s not let them drive our days.

Let’s acknowledge the pain (it’s real) and allow ourselves the grace to be better (now).

Can you forgive?



Get What You Want

You should get what you want.

This is a fundamental belief of mine. Oh, I shared What I Believe with you last June, and What I Want For You in January, but I don’t think I was as clear and as simple as I want to be today.

You should get what you want.

But first, you’ve got to know what it is you really want.

Not what Aunt Tilly (as dear as she is) wants for you, or what your best friend Billy wants for you, or what your mama or your daddy or your wife or your husband or your kid or your therapist or your coach… none of what these people “want” for you is as important as what you want for you.

And that can take some uncovering. May I share some of my own work around this?

People have told me that I should be more famous. That I should do guest posts around the world wide web, and that I should speak at chichi, in-crowd venues, and that I should hire a publicist. And on its face, that’s an ego-boosting idea, isn’t it? I mean, to be so well-known that people stop me in the market for autographs? Eye me appreciatively as I enter the restaurant? Clamor for my attention? Buy so many of my books that I can loaf away the rest of my life on a desert island with a cabana boy named Curtis?

Oh, I tried. [never got to the Curtis part, honestly.] I tried to play the game the way well-meaning people suggested. Gave me the heebie-jeebies, to tell you the truth. Because what I really, really, really value is being able to do the work that I do. I’d rather be on the phone with you figuring out how to grow your career than stand in front of a thousand people delivering a speech. And if because of time and energy I can only do one of those things, I pick you.

And by picking you, I get what I want – the chance to do my work. And when I do my work, I am happy. And when I’m happy, I attract more clients which allows me to do more of my work, and make more money. Which makes me happy in a way intentional fame likely couldn’t.

See how neatly that works?

Society tells us, frequently, that the key to success is to be skinny, sexy and, apparently, a heavy drinker with a fake tan. [But maybe I watch too much Snooki, and listen to too much pop music.]

But the key to success – really – is to be yourself. Fully. However it is you need to be.

And you owe it to yourself to figure out what that is.

So, take some time to ask:

- What does healthy look like, to me?

- What does happy look like, to me?

- What does fun look like, to me?

- What does financially solid look like, to me?

- Where am I most engaged and involved?

- How can I do the things that lift me up, every single day?

Then listen to the answers.

Because they’re yours. And very valuable. Priceless, even.

You can get what you want. It’s right here for you.

All you have to do is get yourself clear. And then? Go get what you know you really want.

[photo credit: Michele Woodward]

Good Enough?





It fairly radiates from some people, doesn’t it?  You can see it in their eyes.  In the way they hold their shoulders.  They have a crushing belief that they’re not good enough.  Never will be good enough. Couldn’t possibly be good enough.

Since they’re always going to be a little bit short, they work like maniacs.  Putting in killer hours and slaving away to make sure every “i” is dotted and every “t” is crossed – sometimes spending hours and hours checking and re-checking their dotting and crossing.

Because if they make a mistake – even one tiny, infinitesimal error – then the whole jig is up and everyone in the world will know what they themselves believe:  I am not good enough.

But we can already see it – they’re telegraphing with every step they take.  Like people pretending that the bad toupee is real hair.  We all know, don’t we?

Perhaps this is the heart of perfectionism.  The relentless chase to prove the unprovable – to prove one’s basic worth.

I say it’s unprovable, because I truly don’t believe the premise.

Because in Michele World, there’s no such thing as “not good enough”.

Every person has worth, because every person is here.

And whatever you do is good enough because it’s what you did.  If the result was less than happy, then try again.

That’s all you have to do.

When you free yourself from the heavy rock of not being good enough, guess what happens?  Things get pretty good. When you’re not fixated on making mistakes, you make less of them. When you know, rather than doubt, that you have skills, strengths, resources and resilience – why then, you can call on them at will. You succeed. You thrive. You soar.

I love those stories where an unsuspecting person discovers superhuman powers and then uses them to do heroic service.  Think Harry Potter:  living in a cupboard under the stairs, wearing cast-off clothes, suffering, until he finds out that he’s not only a wizard, but The Wizard, foretold in a prophecy.   He goes on to defeat evil and restore order in the world.

So, too, Luke Skywalker.  All Luke wants to do is leave the arid, desolate moisture farm run by his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru and have some fun with his friends over in Tosche Station. Circumstances prevail and he discovers his birthright as a Jedi Knight and ultimately defeats evil and restores order in the world.

And I’d be remiss if I forgot to mention Claire Bennet in the TV show “Heroes”.  Claire’s a typical teenager, a cheerleader who finds out she has the ability to spontaneously regenerate – she cannot die – and goes on to defeat evil and restore order in the world.

See the pattern? Normal, everyday people discover something amazing about themselves and what they’re capable of doing. And go on to create something really good in the world.

I know what you’re thinking – “I don’t have any special ability – I’m not good enough to have any.”

Once again, I am going to disagree.

You have special gifts. You do. You just can’t see them. Maybe you’ve disowned them.

Maybe they make you uncomfortable.

But when you embrace them, when you own what’s really best about you – you will know, once and for all, that you are indeed good enough.

Doesn’t matter what happened in your last job. Or the one before that. Or what happened in your marriage. Or how your kids turned out. Or that your mother died. Or how much you weigh. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter.

Align yourself with your gifts. 

And defeat evil. Restore order to your world.

Be the hero you were born to be.

It’s all that matters.