Happy Virtual Birthday To Me

When I thought about all the ways I could possibly celebrate my upcoming 50th birthday – big blow out party, inspiring foreign travel, expensive jewelry, a weekend in a double-wide – it occurred to me that I could never, possibly gather all the people I love and who make me laugh in one space.

Friends far afield does not a party make.

Unless.

Unless I did a Virtual Birthday Party!  Via teleconference!  And invited everyone to call in and give me advice about turning fifty!

So, it’s on.  Please plan to join me on Monday, March 22nd, at 2pm EDT – dial (703) 344-2171 and enter Conference ID: 520811#.

Just in case no one calls in (the worst nightmare of any hostess), I have asked these friends to dial in throughout the hour to dispense kindly (and perhaps barbed) advice, direction and commentary for this next phase of my life:

Pam Slim, sister-by-choice, author of Escape from Cubicle Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur and my business partner on Kick Ass Mentoring and Career Invention.

Patti Digh, author of Life Is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally, wry and inspiring observer at  37days.com

Jeannette Maw, the Good Vibe Coach, author of a number of great books on attracting what you want… and my partner on our monthly Conversation program.

Jen Louden, Comfort Queen, chatelaine of The Comfort Cafe, lovely person, and author of wonderful books and programs for women.

Hiro Boga, the Flourishing Muse and one of the finest writers and kindest souls I know.

Liz Lynch, networking pro and author of Smart Networking: Attract a Following In Person and Online, who always seems to find time to laugh at my jokes. Bless her.

Debbie Phillips, Woman On Fire, and author of Women on Fire: 20 Inspiring Women Share Their Life Secrets (and Save You Years of Struggle!). Debbie generously talked to a newbie coach (me) one afternoon many years ago, and set me on a path I love.

Cady Coleman, NASA astronaut and friend since 7th grade.  Cady is due to go up for her third space mission this December – to the International Space Station for a three month stay. Having seen the Earth from space, maybe Cady will help me put this birthday into a really big context.

Of course, there’s you.

I really want to talk to you.  So please plan to call in – and I’ll mingle and talk to as many folks as I possibly can. Just like an in-person party.

Believe me: Your presence is the greatest gift I’ll receive.

When Gifts Become Junk

Difficult people are so difficult.

Demanding, whiny, needy, unreasonable, unconscious, a pain in the butt, belligerent, jerk, fearful… I can go on.  Bet you can, too. Some people just sap the energy from the room.  Or are so negative and critical that being around them is never joyful.  Don’t you find your own mood shifting to match theirs? So what starts as a great day becomes a freak show.  What a downer.  Who wants to live like that?

So, you’ve got a Energy Sucking Black Hole Of A Person in your life.  What do you do?

This week I read a wonderful blog post by my friend Hiro Boga, called What Happens To A Gift You Refuse To Accept? and it got me thinking.

We are trained from childhood to always accept a gift even if it’s like the fancy soap that I once received as a gift — and the soap had been used.  Yes, I had been re-gifted.  And the original gift card from the original giver was in the bottom of the box.

We’ve been told to graciously accept even gifts such as this and write a thoughtful, tasteful thank you note.  Regardless.

Yet.

I have received gifts I cannot use.  Don’t want.  Don’t make sense.  That really belonged to someone else.  Sometimes these gifts reflect what other people think I should be, or should like, or should want.  Which aren’t gifts at all.

And these things clutter my life.

As I cleaned out a linen closet yesterday, I uncovered many presents I had been holding on to because they were gifts, afterall.  And one is supposed to be grateful.  So, I had stuffed them into a closet and they slowly turned into junk.  Junk which is making its way to Goodwill later today.

Feel a metaphor coming at you?

OK, so like Hiro Boga wrote, just because a person wants to give me a gift of… their negativity, their anxiety, their fear… I can simply say no thanks and let them keep it.  Because if I accept their gift, I clutter up the linen closet of my life.

It really comes down to: if I spend my time and energy sharing their discontent and helping them live their life, when do I have time to live my own?

People come to me for help with the difficult people they encounter at work.  And often it comes down to not setting boundaries, which is hard for so many of us.  A co-worker sits down to “vent” and we feel the need to help.  But we get drawn into office politics, gossip and drama — which keeps us from doing what we want to do with our lives and careers.

All theoretical I know.  So I will be practical.  We really need to do is reflect their “gift” right back to them.  Place it squarely in their hands — because it’s their gift in the first place.

And you do that by saying, “Wow, sounds tough.  What do you plan to do about it?”

That’s how you do it.  Kindly, respectfully, with boundaries intact.  And then you get on to living your own life.