Ordering Off Menu


At certain restaurants, if you’re in the know, you can ask for dishes that are not on the menu.  These secret specials might be things the chef is testing, or what she prepares for the staff’s meal.  Or just an old favorite whose place on the menu was usurped by something with truffle oil. [Or garbanzo beans.] These dishes are “off menu”.

For about the last year, I’ve been running an off menu program.  Now, there are a lot of coaches who promote every single daggone thing they do (which sometimes involves a plethora of !!!), but you haven’t heard about this from me until now.  I haven’t shouted about it or promoted it in any way.

Because that’s not what it’s about.

It’s about me asking twelve coaches to trust me enough to help them create robust and thriving practices.  It’s been about me mentoring them to success.  It’s been about being open to new ways of doing things, and seeing the future in a different way.  It’s been about slaying dragons and getting on with business.

I called it The Circle of Twelve.

And it’s accomplished what I set out to accomplish – people are thriving.

But, to tell you the truth, it’s really been about love, and creating, and growth, and doing those things you think can’t be done.

And, this week, it ends.

There was a time in my life when everything came crashing down.  Things I thought were permanently certain proved to be less so.  As I began to cast about for what was next, I answered the wonderful question, “What do you do when you lose track of time?”  My answer?  “I network, I problem solve, I mentor. How can I make a living out of that?”

And with all the serendipity that can be mustered in the universe, the next day I happened to open a charity auction brochure which offered “coaching”.  I think my gut response was something elegant like, “Huh.”  But that “huh” turned into fact-finding, which led to important conversations with three wonderful and kind practicing coaches – Mary Abbajay, Debbie Phillips and Lori Hanau.  They each helped me see that perhaps – just perhaps – I was cut out for this work.

Armed with that confidence, I got started and have built a practice which satisfies all that is innately me. And, for that, I am intensely grateful.

The Circle of Twelve has been a place where I can pay it forward. I can be a pure mentor, like Mary, Debbie and Lori were to me.  It’s a place where I can bring a best part of myself.  And, fortunately, I asked some of the most kind, capable and caring people to join in the journey.  When I look at their accomplishments and their growth and all they have created, I am in awe.

People have soared.  Truly soared.

Just thinking about it makes me grin like a goof.

Which is how I know it’s the absolute right thing to have done.

So, my dear Circle of Twelve friends, our work together is not really ending because the depth of our connection endures.  Ever and always.  Amongst and between us, there will always be a powerful connection.  A deep bond you can draw on when times are tough, and you need a hand.

It’s there now, and always will be.

And it continues to pay forward, with a new group of coaches I’ve gathered for their own Circle of Twelve experience.  A line of people mentored and mentoring.  Creating work that matters, touching clients in ways that bring out the best in themselves, making a new way of being for themselves and for others.

I am in awe.

What It Takes To Be A Successful Coach

I have an uncle who says, “Honey, when you’re up to your ass in alligators, the trick is — not to get in any deeper.”

And I am up to my ass in alligators around coaching. But I am going to get in deeper. Sorry, Unk.

I coach people everyday. I coach groups frequently. I teach people how to become a coach. I talk to people who are thinking about becoming a coach. I design coach events. Coaches are my business partners. I’m a Master Coach, for crying out loud. For fun, I talk to other coaches. In my spare time, I read books about coaching.

Ass, meet alligators.

But it’s OK — see I’m passionate about the field of coaching and the power it has to unlock the locked, and to free people to live lives of their own design. In fact, part of living a life of MY own design is coaching. So I am immersed, and that’s a good thing.

Over the last five years, I’ve seen good people go into coaching with excellent intentions and terrific skills — and a few years later they’re not coaching full-time. Or part-time. Or at all.

And I have seen people move out of training right into booked solid practices, and create a national reputation seemingly overnight. Amazes me.

When you consider that 80% of all small businesses fail in the first five years, and that only 20 percent of coaches can actually live off of their coach earnings — why would anyone become a coach?

I’m going to suggest that the right question to ask right here is not why — but who? Who becomes a successful coach?

And what is success? Here’s my working definition of a successful coach: someone who has no difficulty attracting her ideal clients and keeping a schedule as full as she wants it to be. See, I’m not saying, “a success is a six-figure coach” or “a success is being a public figure” — nope. I’m saying that success is when you get what you want. Whatever that is. For you.

So, let me tell you what I have observed in every successful coach I have ever encountered:

Entrepreneurial: Every single successful coach I know has an entrepreneurial spirit. She’s open, she’s agile, she’s willing to take a risk, she’s comfortable working in her own business by herself. People who like structure and belonging often find great jobs working as internal coaches. But people with their own practices succeed because, at heart, they are entrepreneurs.

Self-Starter: Successful coaches make opportunities rather than wait for opportunities to arrive. Reflection is dandy, but action is what makes money. Successful coaches know this.

Extroverted: Let me refer to the Myers-Briggs here — Extroverts get energy from being around people. Successful coaches get energy from being around people. Ergo, successful coaches are Extroverts, which is what allows them to network, give speeches/presentations/workshops, ask questions in crowded room, I can go on. And on. Can an Introvert be successful? Sure. But all other things being equal, an Extrovert makes the time and space to really connect with people and that’s how you attract clients.

Expert: The old adage is “anyone can coach anyone about anything” which is, to some degree, true. However, if I want to start a business efficiently, it would behoove me to work with someone who knows how to do that. If I want to write a book, the smart thing is to get a writing coach. If I want to cope with divorce, how about a divorce coach? Every successful coach I know has an expertise which is a huge part of their positioning and marketing. Generalists can’t differentiate themselves in a crowded market — experts can.

Empathetic: When I think about the great coaches I know, each of them is wildly empathetic. They relate more to their clients — and less to their own ego. But. As empathetic as these great coaches are, they don’t carry the pain of the people they work with and challenge their clients straightforwardly and honestly. From the clients’ perspective, a good coach understands them but doesn’t allow them to get away with murder.

Visionary: Successful coaches see into the future and are constantly designing programs and products and ideas that will move them there. They also share that vision with others, and create a community around their view. Community = a client funnel. It’s that easy.

Creative: Nearly every great coach I know gets a total rush from being creative and finding novel and new ways to solve problems for themselves and for their clients. Great coaches are like great jazz musicians — they can riff on a theme and improvise staggering tools.

Focused: Maybe this should fall under Entrepreneurial, but the coaches I know are focused on their practices. Sure, they may be someone’s partner, someone’s mom, someone’s child… but at their core, they are coaches and they focus their energy on coaching. Middling coaches have a lot of hyphens — Mary Kay saleswoman-realtor-massage therapist-coach. A successful coach, however, puts her professional energy around coaching first and foremost.

Communicator: What sets great coaches apart is the ability to communicate. You gotta do it some way — you write, you speak, you Tweet, you post, you something. The bottom line: successful coaches are able to communicate how they can help a client. If you can’t do that, you won’t get clients. At all. Coaches who excel are comfortable communicators. If you’re not comfortable, you’re probably not going to get the clients you would otherwise get. Sorry to say it, but it’s true.

If you want to be a successful coach — on your terms — evaluate how you stack up to these characteristics, and if you have a muscle or two that needs a workout and strengthening, then put your laser-beam energy there. Or partner with another coach who brings to the table those things you lack. Get what you need, one way or the other. I assure you that if you have every one of the things I have outlined, there won’t be any question — you will be a sure-fire success.