The Integrity Thing

A few weeks ago I talked about how to get  Finally Un-Stuck – remember?

“People who are stuck often face some kind of big decision or life change.  And they torment themselves with, ‘Is this the right choice? What if I make a mistake?’ That is the stuck place.  Can’t move forward for fear of doing something wrong, and can’t go back due to the space-time continuum, so… stay stuck. There’s only one way to break through the muck and get un-stuck. And that is to reframe the question from, ‘Is this the right choice?’ to ‘Am I choosing growth?’”

So, we choose growth, and get un-stuck. But there’s something else – something vital – to factor into your decision-making.

It’s called integrity.

To me, integrity means I’m not going to lie, I’m not going to cheat, I’m not going to take advantage of anyone, I’m not going to allow anyone to take advantage of me.  I will say what I mean, and mean what I say.  I will do what I’ve promised to do.

You may have other elements surrounding your personal integrity – but if you don’t, now’s the time to get clear on them, pardner.

Because when you choose growth within the framework of integrity – there is no way you can make a mistake.

Want an example?  Okie doke.  Tom is offered a  job working for his company’s biggest competitor and marketplace rival.  It’s a big leadership job, and it feels like growth to Tom – exactly the kind of step up he’s been looking for.  The new company promises him a signing bonus (asks him to keep quiet about it) and then kinda asks if he can bring over his files on a particular innovation Tom has been overseeing at the old company.

Now, some people would say, “Sure, that’s the way the game is played.  He should absolutely bring everything to his new employer!  What are you, Michele?  Some kinda dope?  This happens all the time.”

Ah, yes, grasshopper, it does happen all the time. Especially with people who have lost touch with their own integrity.  And that’s why this is such an important moment for Tom – he can choose a new opportunity where he knows his integrity will be challenged, or say no and preserve something important to him.

I’m going to humor those who say, “Take the money and run, Tom!”  Let’s say he chooses to take the new job.  A year later, where’s Tom?  Unhappy, compromised, constantly fudging the facts and lying to his team.  He’s miserable. And his former colleagues? He’s lost them – they’re still smarting from his conduct as he walked out the door. Day to day, he’s struggling with the consequence of abandoning something really important to him – his integrity. It’s crushing stress.

I’ve seen this sad scenario play out hundreds of times.

Remember this line from above?  When you choose growth within the framework of integrity – there is no way you can make a mistake.

Well here’s the corollary: Any opportunity that asks you to put your integrity aside is most assuredly not a growth opportunity – and ultimately will be a mistake.

There’s a lot written these days about “Your Personal Brand” -hey, I’ve even written about it:

…your own personal brand is really about living in alignment with your integrity and what’s best about you. And when you’re truly in alignment that way, life becomes easy.

Any of us can convince ourselves that nearly anything is a growth experience. The gut check, then, is seeing where the new opportunity lines up with your integrity. When you can grow while preserving your integrity, you are, indeed, making the absolute right choice.

Caps & Gowns

It’s the time of year. Caps and gowns on parade. Young men and women on the threshold of the rest of their lives. Awesome. Inspiring. Scary as hell.

I was recently asked to contribute to an article called something like, “Best Advice for Graduates That You Never Received.” Started me thinking. And since I am now writing an advice column, I’m all smug about my advice-giving abilities.

So here’s my six best pieces of advice to graduates:

1. Have integrity in all that you do. Integrity means that you operate from a place of honor. You say what you mean, and mean what you say. You’re reliable. You’re consistent. You can be counted on. Coming from a place of integrity creates a sterling reputation. And a sterling reputation delivers a sterling career, and a happy life.

2. Take the time to connect with others. Get to know the people you work with, the people who live next door, the people at the local homeless shelter. Because by connecting with others, you’ll deepen your connection with yourself. You’ll know yourself more intimately, and allow others to know you fully, too. And you’ll be richer for the experience.

3. Live a life full of risks. Maybe that means something as big as BASE jumping to you (please wear a helmet and pay your insurance premiums, dear) but small risks — like speaking up, or saying no — can be even more powerful (and don’t usually require helmets). Do something that feels like a risk to you every single day, and you will never feel stuck in a too small life.

4. Have passion — for your work, for your loves, for your life. When there’s at least one thing you are absolutely on fire about, the focused joy that results will draw fabulous people and experiences to you. Just a word of caution: don’t confuse passion with drama. If it feels even slightly icky or squidgy, it’s probably drama. Passion always brings something positive to the world, while drama generally dwells in the negative. Live with passion and you live in a positive place.

5. Define your own idea of success. I have known people who have gone to all the right schools and got the right jobs… and are miserable. Why? Because they were marching to the beat of somebody else’s drummer. Money is just a tool that allows you to do what you want to do. Status is a function of ego and ultimately means nothing. [See Integrity above] What means something is who you are and what you bring. Decide on that, and do it. Tap out your own beat.

6. Get out of your own way. Allow great things to happen for you. Because when you’re living with integrity, passion, connection and risks, you have created an environment where your best self can come out to play. When that happens, your life will unfold in amazing and inspiring ways. Let it. Be open and accepting and aware of the great stuff — and more will pour into your life.

Someone said to me this week, “Your twenties are all about figuring stuff out.” To which I said, “Honey, LIFE is about figuring stuff out.” Life’s not like a research project where you line up all your sources, exhaust all lines of inquiry and write up a whopping conclusion where everything is laid out all reasoned and deduced. No, in my experience, it’s precisely those times when you think you have it all figured out that — wham! — everything changes.

So my final piece of advice is this: be constantly curious, and continue to find and shape who you are and what you stand for. Take it all in, and savor it. Continue to grow. Live a full and dynamic, changing life.

Why? Because it’s a really, really fabulous way to live. That’s why.