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Chilean Miners and You

October 17, 2010 By 1 Comment
AFP Photo

AFP Photo






I don’t know about you, but I was completely captivated by the rescue of the Chilean miners this week. I watched the drama unfolding live via video stream on my desktop, and got weepy all over again every fifteen minutes as I watched the men once feared lost greet their families, friends, co-workers and rescuers.

It was amazing.

And what struck me most powerfully was the sense of meaning and purpose in every single person involved in the process.

They cared. Deeply.

They worked together. Smoothly.

They put aside bureaucracy and focused on possibility. Refreshingly.

Sitting at my desk, I felt like I was a part of it, too. Mostly as a compassionate witness, but I was completely there emotionally and spiritually. I know that if I’d had the chance, I would have cranked the winch myself to pull one of those guys up. I’ll bet you felt the same way.

How many workplaces do you know that are like that? Where people feel motivated by a shared sense of meaning and purpose? Where they’d jump in to crank the winch themselves?

A big box store opened down the road this week. It’s the place where you don’t buy a can of soup – you buy a case of soup. You don’t buy a Coke – you buy a shrink-wrapped 36-pack. You can’t get one toothbrush – you get eight at a whack.

I had to get a membership card (discounted for the neighborhood – see, already a bargain!), so I stood in line until a delightfully overwhelmed woman behind a computer screen motioned me forward. I answered all of her questions regarding name, address, etc. Then, she said, “Do you want them to have your email address?”

“Them”.

Not “us”.

She said, “Them”.

In a flash, I recognized that this darling woman didn’t feel remotely connected to her employer. They were “them”. They are Other. Her work is not something she belongs to.

I sense trouble at the big box.

Trouble that would have doomed the mine rescue.

Look at your own life and work – where do you use “them” and not “us”? Where are you not engaged with meaning? Disengaged from purpose?

If you have a leadership role in your office or in your family or in your community, how can you create a shift from “them” to “us”? Where can you engage people enough to crank the winch?

And if you’re saying right now, “Oh, Michele, I’m no leader”, let me remind you of the men down in that hole. Someone had to stand up and say, “we have to ration our food, we have to exercise, we have to work together.” That guy didn’t have to have a C-level title. He was a supervisor, sure, but he also had the presence of mind and strength to stand up and lead. And every single man down there had to lead his peers – lead by example by not freaking out, by not being a glutton, by listening, by working together – and work with the leader.

They led and they surrendered to leadership in a common cause rife with compelling purpose. And that’s why they’re safe today.

You can do that, too, can’t you?

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

Why Being Brave Matters

July 18, 2010 By 1 Comment



Chinese Man Standing In Front Of TankI recently read that corporate America has $1.8 trillion dollars in cash, on reserve.  Which is a lot more than they had at the beginning of the recession.

And unemployment still stands at 9.7 percent.  When you stop counting the people who’ve grown so discouraged that they’ve stopped even looking for a job.

Companies have the cash to hire, but aren’t hiring because they’re afraid that the economy will go back in the tank, since people aren’t spending as much money as they have in the past.  And people are not spending as much money because either they’re unemployed or fear being unemployed.

Classic chicken and egg.

It occurs to me that what is called for at this precise moment is a bit of corporate leadership.  What’s needed is for a couple of men and women to stand up and say, “We’re going to take the risk and get people back to work. We’re going to stop the cycle of layoffs and asking one person to do the work of five people, and we’re going to staff appropriately. Starting right now.”

I know.  A girl can dream.

But imagine what that kind of bravery could do.

It just might turn around the economy and get folks back on track.

Bravery is transformative like that.  Standing up, bucking the trend, saying your piece, acting with good intention – all of it – can create huge change on a big scale.

But it can also create something new on a you-scale.

Maybe there’s a place in your life where you need to be brave.  Maybe you need to stand up, speak up, look up.  Maybe the change you’ve been looking for is a change inside yourself.  Maybe it’s time to take a deep breath and do what needs doing.

You can lead yourself to something new and wonderful.  And when you do, perhaps corporate America will be inspired by your bravery and do its own leading.

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

“OK?”

September 6, 2009 By 3 Comments

“We’re going, and we’re going now.”

How would you feel if you heard these words? Would it depend on who said them, and how they said them?

What if it was an all bold and capitalized statement: “WE’RE GOING, AND WE’RE GOING NOW.”

Or if it was said it like this: “We’re going, and we’re going now, OK?”

Which one would make you jump and run? Uhm, for me, the first one. That little “OK?” in the second version changes the complexion of the whole deal, doesn’t it? Isn’t it funny how the same sentence goes from being a bold statement of intent to a question of agreement? One word — “OK” with a question mark — shifts a string of words from leadership-action energy to wimpy I-dunno-what-do-you-want-to-do energy.

A client called this past week and said, “I keep being passed over for leadership opportunities. I know I have negative energy. How do I change this?” In my mind, I pictured a glass, half full, and wondered if I asked this client to describe it, she’d spend her time focused on how long it would take for the glass to break. She’s got that kind of negative cataclysmic viewpoint, which permeates her entire life and makes everything so much harder than it really has to be.

I suggested she start with her language — if you listen and monitor what you say, you might realize that you almost always say “no”, “don’t”, “should”, “won’t”… if so, honey, you are awash in negativity. To start the shift in the core of your being, every time you use a negative word you must immediately turn it around to something positive. So, “I won’t eat the chocolate sundae” gets paired with “but I will eat some popcorn.” This negative-positive pairing allows you to see the possible positive. Pretty soon you’ll stop using negative and you’ll be living solely in what you can be doing.

And to change your negative energy you have to watch how many times you end a sentence with “OK?” Because while some of us use “OK?” as a punctuator — kind of like “uhm” or “y’know” — the message you’re sending with “OK?” is that you’re really not sure. You need someone else’s agreement. You need their participation. You need their OK. Which may be true in some cases.

But certainly not with cranky toddlers, slouchy teenagers, recalcitrant employees or brand new puppies (I have two new 12-week old puppies this week, so I’m feeling this fairly acutely — not to mention that I live with two teenagers, but they don’t slouch. Much.).

We know that women leaders are often much more collaborative than their male counterparts. It is absolutely fabulous to be collaborative — but let me mention that if you are constantly passed over for leadership roles, then perhaps it’s even more important for you to look at your talk. Are you constantly ending declarative sentences with question marks? Are you telegraphing tentativeness?

When you come down to it, it’s not just women who can be tentative. I know a man who has an imperious first grade daughter. This six-year old rules the roost at home and attempts to do so at school, where all the teachers are mean. And the kids are stupid. According to The Queen. Listening to this father talk with his daughter and got me clear on the root of the matter — he ended every request to his daughter with “OK?”. So she is pretty sure that she gets the last say on pretty much everything at home.  And expects to be able to do the same thing at school. She has been given the leadership role, and expects others to be her followers. Especially her daddy.

Her daddy, who keeps saying, “OK?”

And maybe we say, “OK?” because we don’t want to seem mean, or bossy, or too big for our britches, or some other phrase we heard as kids. Maybe we don’t really think we’re smart enough or old enough or something enough to act like a grown up. Maybe it’s just become a habit. A habit that diminishes us, and puts us down one. The kind of habit that leads to living in a negative, nothing’s-working kind of place.

A habit that leads away from a happy life.

If things are not where you want them to be in your life, darlings, make a start by changing your language.  Commit to being clear, firm and focused. When you do, you’ll find that you shift right into positive leadership energy. And the person you will be leading first and foremost will be you.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity Tagged With: , , , , , 3 Comments

We’re All In This Together

March 22, 2009 By Leave a Comment



Double bubble, toil and trouble. Anger, maybe even rage, disbelief, uncertainty, anxiety — there’s a potent brew boiling around our country today, and I want to understand it.

From what I’ve gathered, the question is: If you run a multi-billion dollar company into the ground, and threaten the financial well-being of the entire global community, should you be given multi-million dollar bonuses?

Or, maybe the question is: Why should people who live within their means have to foot the bill for people who spent money they didn’t have on stuff they didn’t need?

Or could be the question really be: Are we all in this together, or what?

Back in 2004, I had the opportunity to organize President Reagan’s State Funeral. As the funeral procession snaked its way from the hilltop National Cathedral through the city to Andrews Air Force Base, I saw people of all colors and stripes thronging the streets. Hands over hearts, paying respects — didn’t matter if they wore a pin-striped suit up in Northwest DC, or cutoffs and tube tops down in Southeast — people turned out that summer day to honor a man some of them never even agreed with.

I distinctly remember thinking: people wanted to belong to something.

We had felt it before, on September 12, 2001. Remember that day? After the immediate shock and horror and loss, people were really nice to one another. We made eye contact. We held doors open. We talked with strangers. We even let people go in front of us in traffic. We were experiencing something big, and scary, and unexpected — but we were experiencing it together.

For a period of time our country really was a kinder, gentler place.

My seventh grade daughter is studying World War II in social studies. She asked, “What was the war like for our family?” I told her about all my uncles that served, and how five of her great-grandmother’s brothers had served at the same time. I told her about Gold Star Mothers. I told her how people saved bacon grease and salvaged scrap metal to help the war effort. I told her about rationing and about Rosie the Riveter.

I told her how everyone worked together, united in common purpose to make it through a very difficult time.

How to describe the feeling when the light bulb goes off? Pop! – it hit me: the problem today is that some of us are sacrificing — we’ve made cuts in our spending, we’re living below our means, we’re responsible with our lives — and some are not. The bonus-paying bankrupt companies and the bonus-receiving misguided executives? The foreclosure flippers? Doesn’t appear that they are sacrificing, or are making plans any time soon to change their frame of reference.

It’s a scary time and we’re simply not in this together. And that bothers us.

Because when times are tough, the American people want to belong to something bigger than themselves, like the war effort in World War II. We want our sacrifices to be worth something. We want to share the uncertainty and worry. We want to save bacon grease and send it where it can best be used. We will use ration cards.

But we want rationing to be fair. And we want to save our bacon grease for a purpose, not just to serve some public relations ploy designed by politicians and spinmeisters.

Let me tell you, the politician who taps into this national zeitgeist will find himself, or herself, riding the crest of a new wave of American political life.

But until that Mayor or Senator or Governor or Congressman wakes up and sees that business-as-usual is no longer the way business is being done; until that politician realizes that greed is no longer the driver of anything worth having; until that politican understands that the American people are smarter and more resilient than they’re given credit for — there’s only one thing for you and me to do.

We’ll do it ourselves. We will lead our leaders. We’ll say no to pork-barrel spending and yes to spending that creates jobs and opportunities, or helps the most vulnerable among us. We will create our own sense of purpose and involve our community, by simple things like having potluck suppers with the neighbors, or cleaning up a local creek, or working in a community kitchen, or donating to micro-finance efforts to help people start businesses.

If belonging is what we want, belonging is what we will create. We’ll be in this together. And when we step up and show the way, believe me, our leaders will just have one choice to make: follow, or get out of the way.

That’s what I understand. How about you?

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment