You are here: Home / Archives for Mother’s Day

Empty Nest Mother’s Day

May 8, 2011 By 2 Comments



Not that I get ahead of myself normally, but today I’m imagining the first Mother’s Day I spend alone, as an empty-nester.  It’s really not too far away – after all, I have an 18 year old and a 15 year old.

On that day, my kids will be in a dorm or an apartment somewhere, finishing up or getting ready for finals, maybe preparing for the work day ahead. I’ll wake up, early as usual, and let the dogs out.  I’ll breathe in the spring air and wonder at the vibrant green of the budded trees. Because I know what day it is, I’ll say a silent thank you for having had the chance to be a mom.

Later, after the paper and something to eat, I’ll pull on my shoes and take a walk through the forest.  It’s quiet and dark in there – even in mid-day.  And among that peace, I’ll acknowledge that I raised two pretty terrific young people.

At some point or other, my phone will ring – no, wait.  At some point or other, I’ll get a text saying: “Mom thinking of u. love u. happy mothers day.”  To which I will text:  “Can u call me?” And then my phone will ring and I’ll hear the sweetest voices any human ever heard.  I’ll hear the voices of my kids.

And I will be so grateful.  And happy.

<Right after I get these tears out of my eyes.>

See, I love being a mother.  And I’m good at it.  In fact, being good at it was the biggest surprise of my life.  That I could find so much love, and so much ability to love, just because I had these two kids in my life – amazing.

And today – right here, right now – my life and the lives of my children are congruent and yet entwined, and we see each other every day and eat meals together and laugh together and discuss weighty topics in the dark together.

Because we are a family.

And when I shoot forward to the time when my kids are launched, and on their own, I wonder how I will spend my time.  What will give me meaning?  Will anything replace what I’ve had with my kids?

What will it be like when I’m not Mom-On-Call?

Will we still be a family?

That moment right there is going to be “one of those moments” for me.   One of those pivotal, life-defining moments.

Having an empty nest will be the time for me to celebrate the past – and my role – and open my arms wide to what’s next.

Just like I did when I graduated from high school and became a college student.  Like I did when I graduated from college and became a working person.  Like I did when I went from single to being married. From being 29 to being 30. From being childless to being a mom. From being 39 to being 40. From being married to being single. From being healthy to having cancer, and then to being cancer-free. From being 49 to being 50.

I’ve done this redefinition many times before, I can do it again.

But the major difference is this: One day I stopped being 29, and I never could go back. But I’ll never stop being a mother.  It’s a lifetime gig. 

I’ll just keep finding a new way to mother them at every stage of their lives. Just as an infant needs one thing and a teenager needs another, I’ll find a way to mother Grace, the new mother.  To mother Munroe, the new father. To comfort both of them when they suffer loss, because they will. To celebrate their joys, because they’ll have them.  To offer advice when they ask (now, waiting for them to ask is going to suck, but I’ll try.  I swear I’ll try.)

There will be a lot to keep in mind.  I’ll have to stay engaged and connected.  But the most important thing for me to remember is this:  if I am just myself, and do as well as I’ve done so far, I’ll be fine.

I’ll always be a mom.  And, today, from where I stand, that feels pretty wonderful.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Happier Living, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 2 Comments

Who’s A Mom?

May 9, 2010 By 2 Comments


“Mother” is one of those words that we think we understand,  yet “Mother” has a hundred different meanings depending on who’s using or hearing the word.

Mention “Mother” to Joan Crawford’s children, and you might get a wire hanger in the ear.  Mention “Mother” to others, and you’ll get a honeyed story of love, kindness and connection.

And then there are the women who are not mothers, yet mother children every day.  Teachers, aunts, neighbors, coaches, friends – these women are the ones who step up and provide stability and frameworks for children who might have mothers more like Joan Crawford than Michelle Obama.

I thank them.

Because it was women like this who gave me a glimpse of the woman I might become.

And it’s them that I recognize today, Mother’s Day.

Giving birth is just one aspect of mothering.  Caring, nurturing, listening, challenging, supporting – these are the hallmarks of women who make differences in the lives of children.

“Every child needs and deserves at least one person who is crazy about them,” said Fran Stott, a noted child development expert.  And while having a mother who is crazy about you sets you up for a life where you feel secure, loved and known – sometimes a mother is just unable.  We know this.  Three quarters of great literature focuses on this theme.  And don’t get me started on Disney movies.

Today, let’s recognize mothers, and thank them.  Then let’s take a moment to thank all the other people who are crazy about our kids, too.  Who listen to them, and tell them they are valued.  Who love them.

Today, whether you’re a mom, or you’re a neighbor, or a Girl Scout leader, or a softball coach, or an aunt, or a school bus driver, or a widowed dad – from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being crazy about children.  The work you do is vitally important, and emotionally enriching.

With every kindness to a child, you create a better world.

I’m absolutely crazy about you.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , 2 Comments

Mother’s Day

May 10, 2009 By 1 Comment


This column first appeared on Mother’s Day, 2007. Enjoy!

Today is Mother’s Day. I was surprised to learn that Mother’s Day is celebrated on this very day in over 50 countries. Everywhere, mothers are being pampered, fussed over and adored.

As I expect I will be. As someone’s mother myself, I will likely get the traditional breakfast in bed — the surprise of finding shells in my scrambled eggs is one of life’s delights. A surprise that goes exceedingly well with toast and jelly. Especially when made with love by the hands of my children.

But when it comes down to it, I’m not much of a special occasion kinda gal. Sometimes the forced, greeting card nature of a “special day” feels less than special.

So, I have a plan.

I move we dump this holiday and every other single holiday we celebrate during the year.

Yep. That’s right. I’m suggesting we have no Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Passover, Easter, Yom Kippur or any other occasion we observe.

Including birthdays.

Oh, don’t panic — we’ll celebrate each one. But we’ll celebrate every single day.

If every day were Thanksgiving, we’d live as grateful people, surrounded by family and friends, keenly aware of the abundance in our lives.

If every day were Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, we’d immediately apologize for our mistakes and quickly reconcile our differences.

If every day were Valentine’s Day, we’d pay special attention to those we love.

If every day were Memorial Day, we’d take time to honor the service and sacrifice of our veterans, soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines, and their families.

If every day were Easter, we’d be filled with awe for resurrection and the possibility of renewal in our own lives.

If every day were Christmas, joy and wonder would permeate our lives.

If every day were Labor Day, we’d celebrate how we do our work, and make it a source of pride.

If every day was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we’d remember to judge people on the content of their character and not the color of their skin.

If every day were your birthday, you’d feel special, and honored and loved.

And, if every day were Mother’s Day, all mothers would feel valued, honored and respected by both their families and society — 356 days a year.

Imagine the richness of your life if it were filled with the holiday spirit every day of the year. What could you do? What could you have? Who could you be? Joyful, conscious, loving, living with abundance and open to the wonders of the world?

That would certainly be worth celebrating.

Filed Under: Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment