Start At The End

In the seminal, thought-provoking, deeply spiritual film, “The Sound Of Music”, one of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s songs goes:

Let’s start at the very beginning
A very good place to start
When you read you begin with A-B-C
When you sing you begin with do-re-mi

Do-re-mi, do-re-mi
The first three notes just happen to be
Do-re-mi, do-re-mi

But, I’m going to turn that familiar refrain on its ear.

Because if you really want to change something in your life, you have to start at the very end.

You have to start with an idea of what it is you want, and allow yourself to understand what it will be like, what it will feel like, to have achieved the change you seek.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey wrote that little book — and it’s sold a kajillion billion copies since it came out in 1989. OK, to be really honest, only two of his Habits made me sit up and say, “Yes!” It was “Seek first to understand, then be understood” that helped re-orient my communication style, and “start with the end in mind” which gave me a framework for planning.

You know, it seems as though so many of us are on the way somewhere. But if asked, we don’t really know what the destination might be. We meander and lollygag and sniff corners, but, thank goodness, we don’t get off track! Because there’s absolutely no track to get off in the first place.

Because we’re starting at the beginning and not focusing on the end.

Is there something you want to do in your life? Get promoted? Get married? Lose weight, find love, de-clutter, save money, perhaps? (Funny how my book title naturally works its way into so many places, isn’t it?)

Whatever you want to do, start with the end in mind.

Tell me: What will it be like when you are the director of your office? When you lose 30 pounds? When you find true love? When you work for yourself? Inhabit those feelings. Visualize what your life will be like. Face any fears that come up and deal with them.

See, hear, feel, smell and taste what it will be like when you have what you want.

And by doing so you will be giving yourself a vision. A destination to point toward. You will have created a road map to your own success.

You will know what to do, and how to get there — because you know exactly where to go.

If you are meandering or stuck in the journey of your life, pull over into a quiet rest stop and ask yourself, “What do I want more than anything, right now?”

And with that end in mind, you can get started.

What It Takes To Be A Successful Coach

I have an uncle who says, “Honey, when you’re up to your ass in alligators, the trick is — not to get in any deeper.”

And I am up to my ass in alligators around coaching. But I am going to get in deeper. Sorry, Unk.

I coach people everyday. I coach groups frequently. I teach people how to become a coach. I talk to people who are thinking about becoming a coach. I design coach events. Coaches are my business partners. I’m a Master Coach, for crying out loud. For fun, I talk to other coaches. In my spare time, I read books about coaching.

Ass, meet alligators.

But it’s OK — see I’m passionate about the field of coaching and the power it has to unlock the locked, and to free people to live lives of their own design. In fact, part of living a life of MY own design is coaching. So I am immersed, and that’s a good thing.

Over the last five years, I’ve seen good people go into coaching with excellent intentions and terrific skills — and a few years later they’re not coaching full-time. Or part-time. Or at all.

And I have seen people move out of training right into booked solid practices, and create a national reputation seemingly overnight. Amazes me.

When you consider that 80% of all small businesses fail in the first five years, and that only 20 percent of coaches can actually live off of their coach earnings — why would anyone become a coach?

I’m going to suggest that the right question to ask right here is not why — but who? Who becomes a successful coach?

And what is success? Here’s my working definition of a successful coach: someone who has no difficulty attracting her ideal clients and keeping a schedule as full as she wants it to be. See, I’m not saying, “a success is a six-figure coach” or “a success is being a public figure” — nope. I’m saying that success is when you get what you want. Whatever that is. For you.

So, let me tell you what I have observed in every successful coach I have ever encountered:

Entrepreneurial: Every single successful coach I know has an entrepreneurial spirit. She’s open, she’s agile, she’s willing to take a risk, she’s comfortable working in her own business by herself. People who like structure and belonging often find great jobs working as internal coaches. But people with their own practices succeed because, at heart, they are entrepreneurs.

Self-Starter: Successful coaches make opportunities rather than wait for opportunities to arrive. Reflection is dandy, but action is what makes money. Successful coaches know this.

Extroverted: Let me refer to the Myers-Briggs here — Extroverts get energy from being around people. Successful coaches get energy from being around people. Ergo, successful coaches are Extroverts, which is what allows them to network, give speeches/presentations/workshops, ask questions in crowded room, I can go on. And on. Can an Introvert be successful? Sure. But all other things being equal, an Extrovert makes the time and space to really connect with people and that’s how you attract clients.

Expert: The old adage is “anyone can coach anyone about anything” which is, to some degree, true. However, if I want to start a business efficiently, it would behoove me to work with someone who knows how to do that. If I want to write a book, the smart thing is to get a writing coach. If I want to cope with divorce, how about a divorce coach? Every successful coach I know has an expertise which is a huge part of their positioning and marketing. Generalists can’t differentiate themselves in a crowded market — experts can.

Empathetic: When I think about the great coaches I know, each of them is wildly empathetic. They relate to more to their clients — and less to their own ego. But. As empathetic as these great coaches are, they don’t carry the pain of the people they work with and challenge their clients straightforwardly and honestly. From the clients’ perspective, a good coach understands them but doesn’t allow them to get away with murder.

Visionary: Successful coaches see into the future and are constantly designing programs and products and ideas that will move them there. They also share that vision with others, and create a community around their view. Community = a client funnel. It’s that easy.

Creative: Nearly every great coach I know gets a total rush from being creative and finding novel and new ways to solve problems for themselves and for their clients. Great coaches are like great jazz musicians — they can riff on a theme and improvise staggering tools.

Focused: Maybe this should fall under Entrepreneurial, but the coaches I know are focused on their practices. Sure, they may be someone’s partner, someone’s mom, someone’s child… but at their core, they are coaches and they focus their energy on coaching. Middling coaches have a lot of hyphens — Mary Kay saleswoman-realtor-massage therapist-coach. A successful coach, however, puts her professional energy around coaching first and foremost.

Communicator: What sets great coaches apart is the ability to communicate. You gotta do it some way — you write, you speak, you Tweet, you post, you something. The bottom line: successful coaches are able to communicate how they can help a client. If you can’t do that, you won’t get clients. At all. Coaches who excel are comfortable communicators. If you’re not comfortable, you’re probably not going to get the clients you would otherwise get. Sorry to say it, but it’s true.

If you want to be a successful coach — on your terms — evaluate how you stack up to these characteristics, and if you have a muscle or two that needs a workout and strengthening, then put your laser-beam energy there. Or partner with another coach who brings to the table those things you lack. Get what you need, one way or the other. I assure you that if you have every one of the things I have outlined, there won’t be any question — you will be a sure-fire success.

To Know, Know, Know You

Want to get to know me?

I’m an ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator — my preference is to be an Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judger (that last one means I like to decide, and decide now, thank you very much).

On the Kolbe Conative Strengths Index, I am a natural Fact Finder, followed closely by Quick Start. That means I will do the research but then want to get going (see “Judging” above).

The Clifton Strengths Finder indicates that my top strengths are: Strategic, Ideation, Activator, Communication, Input.

“Bunch of assessments, bunch of results. So what?” Hear this a lot from people. “Yeah, yeah. But just tell me what it is I’m supposed to do with my life.”

Look, these assessments do serve to tell me more about you — but, really… they’re designed to tell you more about you.

Because one thing I know for sure: the more you know about yourself and your innate preferences, the more clear you are. When you are clear, you make better decisions. When you make better decisions, you’re happier and more successful.

And who doesn’t want that?

Some people resist assessments because they don’t like being “put in a box” or “labelled”. These people probably have very high preference toward Perceiving and I love them for sticking to their type. (That’s a Myers-Briggs reference — Perceivers just want to keep all of their options open. In the trade we call this their P-ness, which is a little Myers-Briggs joke. OK, a stupid Myers-Briggs joke, but there you have it.)

But when I see the lightbulb go off over someone’s head when they realize they aren’t wrong and they don’t need to be fixed — that, instead, they need to play to their innate preferences and solid strengths — it’s a highlight of my work.

I’m talking about the woman who berated herself for years for having to talk to think, until she realized that’s the way she’s wired. Or the man who shifted his continual “loser” self-talk as he realized that he just liked to be flexible and keep his options open (got in touch with his P-ness, yuk, yuk). Or the woman who, for the first time, figured out why she was so frustrated working for other people — she has all the attributes of a CEO and needs to move toward that kind of role.

Accepting your preferences, strengths and talents, and then aligning your actions with what it is you do best, naturally, is the easiest and most efficient way toward success.

And when it comes down to it, knowing yourself — inside and out — and living authentically, P-ness and all (I couldn’t help myself), will make you not only successful, but happy. And you’ll do it the easy way — by just being yourself.

Doing Enough?

Raise your hand if you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Accomplishments? Nothing major. Rewards? Few. Performance? Not as good as it could be. What still needs to be done? Everything.

If this sounds familiar, then you probably were on the phone with me this week, or buttonholed me at that party Friday night.

It seems so many people look at themselves with utter disappointment. What they do doesn’t matter, and if it does matter then talking about it is bragging so… let’s not talk about it. No time to rest. No time to reflect. More stuff to do. Got to keep moving.

The problem with this mindset is pretty clear. Thinking this way ratchets your stress level up to 11 on a 10 point scale, and never allows you the satisfaction of a job well done. When there’s no satisfaction in what you’re doing, there’s no way to like what you’re doing.

A man has a performance review at work. His supervisor and peers consistently rate his work at 4s and 5s, on a 5 point scale. He, however, rates himself at a 1 or a 2 on all categories. He’s mystified at how his co-workers can rate him so high — he doesn’t believe them. Don’t they know he’s a failure? He could be doing so much more.

A woman feels she’s disappointing her husband because she’s not a gourmet cook, and her housekeeping skills are not so hot, especially with the baby in the picture and given her full-time job. She spends a lot of time apologizing. He says there’s nothing to apologize about — he loves the food she cooks and thinks she’s a wonderful mother. She doesn’t believe him. Doesn’t he know she’s a failure? She could be doing so much more.

Her husband feels he’s disappointing her because he’s not making as much money as her brother, and he’s not as good with a power tool as most men. She tells him she’s proud of his work and that power tools aren’t that important, that she loves him and he’s a good father. He doesn’t believe her. Doesn’t she know he’s a failure? He could be doing so much more.

So whaddya gonna do? Well, let me suggest two things.

First, ask yourself: What will success look like? Put yourself in the successful mindset. What’s your life like then? Make a list of all the elements that compose your successful life.

Now, look at your list. How realistic is it? How much is under your direct control? If success looks like taking time to write — you can do that. If success looks like everyone obeying your commands with no argument — you can’t do that, sadly, even if you became a dictator. Dictators often die horribly messy deaths in their attempts to squash the thoughts and behaviors of others — and who wants that?

Understand where your unrealistic definitions of success come from (”I want people to obey me because I hate arguments”) and, instead of banging your head against the wall, learn some techniques to disagree effectively. You can start with the book Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny et al.

Second, take a few minutes to look at what you’ve really accomplished. At this time of year, I always sit down and write out 20 Things I Have Accomplished This Year. They can be ordinary things like: got the trash to the curb every week. Think that doesn’t matter? Hey, what’s the alternative? A huge pile of smelly trash spilling out all over your yard? Believe me, getting the trash to the curb matters! As does paying your bills on time, or getting a physical, or a colonoscopy, or training a new employee at the office. Getting through the budget process, or caring for an elderly parent, or making your kid’s school lunches — they all matter. And you’ve accomplished all of them.

But you haven’t cured cancer. Or won the Nobel Peace Prize (unless you’re Al Gore). OK. But your best friends and closest family would likely give you a prize for all you do for them. Am I right?

My guess is that you are probably doing enough. More than enough. Acknowledging that and giving yourself credit for it can help reduce your stress level. And, looking a hard look at your expectations of success laid next to your actual accomplishments can provide a roadmap for your future success. Your roadmap may show that you need to reallocate your time and attention — and spend more time creating meaningful success and less time wallowing in your perceived failure.

The Best Job Interview Question Ever

So, you’ve made it through the first round of interviews for that new position. Now it’s the second — or third — round. “Tell me a little about yourself” has been asked. Maybe you’ve even been asked, “If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?” You know, all the important stuff.

Remember that job interviews are not only your opportunity to “sell” yourself, but are your chance to evaluate whether the job is actually something you’ll like and be good at. To figure that out, you have to do more than give the right answer to questions — you also have to ask the right questions.

To that end, I’ve come up with The Best Job Interview Question Ever. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with trees.

Ready? Here it is:

“What’s the first task you’d like me to accomplish in this job?”

Whether you’re interviewing for a CEO position or a job on the loading dock, the beauty of this question is multi-fold.

If everyone you interview with responds with “We need you to streamline our HR processes and make sure we’re in compliance with OSHA guidelines”, you can be certain that the organization is clear on what the job is about.

But, if the guy in accounting says, “You need to clear up the spreadsheets”, and the woman in marketing says, “You have to make new collateral materials”, and the CEO says, “We’re looking for someone to clean house”, and the gal in sales says, “I have no idea what you’re here for,” you’ve got a problem. The organization may be disorganized, lack leadership or not function well as a team. Here’s what you do in this situation: exit, quickly, stage left.

When you ask The Best Question, you might find that the expectations expressed are completely unrealistic. “I want you to drive up share prices by 50%, reduce the workforce by 30%, acquire companies more profitable than we are, and find the Holy Grail.” Again, this is your tip-off that the job may not be right for you. Or for anyone.

Having a clear sense of organizational priorities allows you to snag what writer Michael Watkins calls an “early win.” His book The First 90 Days has great advice on making the most of a new job — in short, when you meet or exceed expectations early, you are guaranteed success.

The interview process is fraught with anxiety and stress — but discovering how your colleagues and bosses will judge you as a winner before you take the job is a surefire way to insure you have less stress and more success.