What I Believe

I believe work can be fulfilling.

I believe you can thrive in your career.

I believe now is the perfect time to start your own business.

I believe that risk of authenticity is worth it.

I believe that leaders who replicate their own dysfunctional family dynamic are the biggest threat to a workplace.

I believe in speaking up.

I believe that change is a constant.

I believe that fear is crippling.

I believe that there’s no such thing as “perfect”.

I believe that someone right out of jail without a high school diploma can be a great employee.

I believe that someone with an MBA can be a great employee.

I believe that all great employees need a mentor.

I believe that the simplest solution is the best solution.

I believe that people are generally good, and want to help others.

I believe you never really lose when you make a mistake – you get to learn.

I believe most companies don’t really know how to compensate or incentivize their employees.

I believe some great leaders are born, and some great leaders learn.

I believe that workplaces can become better places.

And that’s why I do what I do.

And you?  What do you believe?

The New Rules of Work – Part 1

The rules of work have changed. And if you’re still operating under the old rules, you will fail.

Got your attention, have I?

The Old Rules

The old rules went something like this:  you take a job in a hierarchical, structured, stable organization with a solid bricks and mortar business model -  and stay there for thirty-plus years, moving up the ladder and getting pay raises according to the rules, until you retire with a pension and benefits provided by the kindly Big Daddy that is the company.

The New Rules

No job is secure. You can expect to change careers five to seven times in the course of your life. You can be laid off from any job at any time. Your CEO can be fired at any time. Your company’s products or services can become outmoded and obsolete in the blink of an eye. You will not have a pension. You might not even have a employer match to your retirement account contributions. You might not get health insurance through an employer.

Nothing is certain.  Nothing is sure.

In today’s uncertain work world, there’s only one way to cope.

And it might be a challenge to wrap your head around.  Ready?

Today, to be successful, you have to be a freelancer.

I’m not saying to quit your job and start your own gig.  Although, 40 million Americans have done precisely that.   I’m suggesting that you operate from the liberating mindset of being a freelance consultant.  “I’m here, I’m doing the work, I’m succeeding – until I’m not, and then I’ll move on to something else.”

A freelance mindset alleviates a lot of problems.  Like caring too much.

Now I’m sure I have your attention.

I have had clients who have been so immersed and over-involved with their work that they have had to be hospitalized for exhaustion.  I have had people come to me after being fired from a job they loved – and astounded that the organization could go on without them.

But it can.  It does.  It will.

Plenty of us over-identify with our work.  Work becomes Who We Are, rather than letting who and what we love be Who We Are.  Coming at your job the way a freelance consultant would – committed, connected, productive, slightly detached – allows you a little breathing room.  Enough breathing room to have a life.

When you think, “Geez, I am going to have to be in this job for thirty years, I better play it safe,” guess what you do?  You play it safe.  You work to CYA rather than create.  You move slowly, cautiously.

Maybe you even walk on eggshells around your boss, because you can’t risk losing your job.

Because you have to be there for thirty years, right?

When I’m a freelancer and you’re a freelancer and the boss is a freelancer and we all know that we are here until we’re not – collaboration can happen more easily.  Office politics diminish.  Productivity soars.

Because we take some of the emotion out, and replace it with a little bit of detachment. We can dare to risk.  We can challenge each other to create.

Freelancers are always looking out for the next assignment, the next gig, the next thing.  My pal Pam Slim recommends having a “side hustle” – that thing you have going on the side, that – if push comes to shove – you could turn into your job.  Like my sister-in-law who is a teacher and has a high school reunion planning business.  Which is the side hustle?  Guess it depends on the day you ask her. 

Under the new rules of work, when even teachers, government workers and people at IBM are losing their jobs, having a viable side hustle keeps you from walking on eggshells.  Because, people, with a side hustle all your eggs are not invested in one tiny little basket of a job.

If you’re in a toxic work environment, if you’re not happy, if you are stuck – what you’ve got to do is simple.  Realize that the rules have changed, and go with it.  Become a freelancer in your mind, and watch your attitude at work change.  Then, watch your work change.

Let’s Re-Cap

Want to take a walk with me? Let’s walk back through some of our favorite blog posts of the year, shall we? And feel free to dawdle wherever you want.

We looked at a big, honking question on February 8th – What’s Your Why? Using the book Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl as a framework, I talked about how to figure out your own, personal “Why?” so it’s easier to get to the “What?” and the “How?”

Power Talk on February 15th was all about how to nail a job interview, or shore up your position at work. “Why not use this question — “what are your expectations for me in the coming months?” — with your boss, or your board, or, if you’re brave enough, with your subordinates? Why not use this question to touch base, and to “sell” yourself and your abilities?”

The Absence of Perfect, Part 2 on March 1st looked at perfectionism: “You can hold on to your idea of “perfect” or, as I suggest, you can ask yourself, ‘what’s my best option right now?’”

Meeting Faith on April 12th was a personal favorite. I really did meet Faith. On an airplane. And she’s a PhD candidate with a fascinating personal story. Meeting Faith restored my faith that strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet.

Do Less, Get More from May 24th was not a slacker’s mantra, but rather an explanation of my 100 Units Of Energy theory. Oh, and it comes with a free recording!

Change your thoughts, change your life. That was the subject of A New Normal on May 31st. “When normal’s not working for you, just make a new normal.” Sounds so easy, doesn’t it?

Deep in the throes of writing a book that is still in process, I shared How To Tell A Story on June 7th, which debuted my simple tool: Now Words/Future Words. When you look at how things are now compared to how you’d like things to look in the future, you can consciously shift away from stuff that’s limiting you – toward stuff you really want.

Did I tell you about Meeting Sandra Day O’Connor? Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. On June 28th. This is a post about authenticity and knowing oneself. As Madame Justice clearly does (for those keeping track, this is the post about Being Your Own Buddha).

More Than Anything from July 26th, asked: “‘What do you want more than anything right now?’ Stop. You have an immediate answer, don’t you? That’s your gut talking to you.” Listen.

What’s The Point? on August 2 struck a chord with, “Never confuse urgency and drama with meaning and purpose.”

And this one was an eye-opener. Mama Ain’t Happy from September 20th discussed the disturbing findings that once a woman hits 47, her happiness declines rather dramatically. How to cope? Well, I urge women to… misbehave. Yep, misbehave and have fun.

In You on October 18, I talked about how you can change your language and find your power. It’s as simple as changing “don’t” to “will”.

As in, “I will keep writing my blog in 2010″ And, I will. Every week. I thank each of you for reading, and for sharing posts that resonate with your friends and family. It’s a pleasure, a privilege and a responsibility to write – and an honor when you tell me that something I’ve written has touched your life.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the connection between us. Bring on 2010. We’re ready, so let’s get going.

“OK?”

“We’re going, and we’re going now.”

How would you feel if you heard these words? Would it depend on who said them, and how they said them?

What if it was an all bold and capitalized statement: “WE’RE GOING, AND WE’RE GOING NOW.”

Or if it was said it like this: “We’re going, and we’re going now, OK?”

Which one would make you jump and run? Uhm, for me, the first one. That little “OK?” in the second version changes the complexion of the whole deal, doesn’t it? Isn’t it funny how the same sentence goes from being a bold statement of intent to a question of agreement? One word — “OK” with a question mark — shifts a string of words from leadership-action energy to wimpy I-dunno-what-do-you-want-to-do energy.

A client called this past week and said, “I keep being passed over for leadership opportunities. I know I have negative energy. How do I change this?” In my mind, I pictured a glass, half full, and wondered if I asked this client to describe it, she’d spend her time focused on how long it would take for the glass to break. She’s got that kind of negative cataclysmic viewpoint, which permeates her entire life and makes everything so much harder than it really has to be.

I suggested she start with her language — if you listen and monitor what you say, you might realize that you almost always say “no”, “don’t”, “should”, “won’t”… if so, honey, you are awash in negativity. To start the shift in the core of your being, every time you use a negative word you must immediately turn it around to something positive. So, “I won’t eat the chocolate sundae” gets paired with “but I will eat some popcorn.” This negative-positive pairing allows you to see the possible positive. Pretty soon you’ll stop using negative and you’ll be living solely in what you can be doing.

And to change your negative energy you have to watch how many times you end a sentence with “OK?” Because while some of us use “OK?” as a punctuator — kind of like “uhm” or “y’know” — the message you’re sending with “OK?” is that you’re really not sure. You need someone else’s agreement. You need their participation. You need their OK. Which may be true in some cases.

But certainly not with cranky toddlers, slouchy teenagers, recalcitrant employees or brand new puppies (I have two new 12-week old puppies this week, so I’m feeling this fairly acutely — not to mention that I live with two teenagers, but they don’t slouch. Much.).

We know that women leaders are often much more collaborative than their male counterparts. It is absolutely fabulous to be collaborative — but let me mention that if you are constantly passed over for leadership roles, then perhaps it’s even more important for you to look at your talk. Are you constantly ending declarative sentences with question marks? Are you telegraphing tentativeness?

When you come down to it, it’s not just women who can be tentative. I know a man who has an imperious first grade daughter. This six-year old rules the roost at home and attempts to do so at school, where all the teachers are mean. And the kids are stupid. According to The Queen. Listening to this father talk with his daughter and got me clear on the root of the matter — he ended every request to his daughter with “OK?”. So she is pretty sure that she gets the last say on pretty much everything at home.  And expects to be able to do the same thing at school. She has been given the leadership role, and expects others to be her followers. Especially her daddy.

Her daddy, who keeps saying, “OK?”

And maybe we say, “OK?” because we don’t want to seem mean, or bossy, or too big for our britches, or some other phrase we heard as kids. Maybe we don’t really think we’re smart enough or old enough or something enough to act like a grown up. Maybe it’s just become a habit. A habit that diminishes us, and puts us down one. The kind of habit that leads to living in a negative, nothing’s-working kind of place.

A habit that leads away from a happy life.

If things are not where you want them to be in your life, darlings, make a start by changing your language.  Commit to being clear, firm and focused. When you do, you’ll find that you shift right into positive leadership energy. And the person you will be leading first and foremost will be you.

Do Less, Get More

I am having a great time giving stuff away. Last March you told me you wanted free stuff, so I started offering a free coaching class every month. And it’s been so energizing for me! (I ‘get’ by giving — pretty cool.) Last Friday, I talked about one of my favorite topics, “Do Less, Get More”. Through the magic of modern technology, you can listen to the recording here:

Something interesting came up in the class, and I want to elaborate on it. We’ve always been told that “to make sound decisions, people must consciously, deliberately, weigh their options”, but, surprisingly, that strategy only works with the simplest problems. Tough choices — you need to go with your gut, and be less conscious. For more on this interesting concept, read this new study from the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University.

It’s weird to think that big decisions need the least deliberation, isn’t it? But, it’s all about where you’re putting your time and energy. You may know that I have the 100 Units of Energy Theory — you have 100 units of energy to spend each day. No more, no less. Can’t use yesterday’s because they’re gone, and you can’t borrow from tomorrow’s because they belong to tomorrow.

You got 100. How you use them is up to you.

And here’s how you do less and get more: if you’re agonizing over a complex decision — using, say 75 units of energy a day on it… for weeks — then shift into unconscious thought and just make a choice. The research shows that you’ll likely make an excellent decision, and you’ll free up tons of energy to do other things.

Do (worry) less, get more done.

What about the office? How do you do less when there’s so much to do?

This is going to sound counter-intuitive, I admit it. But to be more effective at work, you also need to be less conscious. In fact, what you need to do is care less.

The odd paradox is that when people have a crisis like an illness, or an outside interest like a fundraiser, sports tournament, or college search, their performance at work often improves. It’s in these periods that we use our time wisely, meet our objectives and serve our priorities.

We allocate our energy units effectively.

And feel really good about our lives.

So, if you are swamped and feel like there is too much to do and not enough time… focus on your priorities, make good, unconscious decisions, and you will find that you are able to do less, and get much, much more.

Next Page »